FitFriday, FatFriday XVII. More tests.


Turns out this was the check and the scan was due in November. Hoping it’s something and nothing, but after a few checks the midwife said I would definitely need a scan sooner and bumped it up to Wednesday. A bit nervous, but at the same time she said he was strong and active and responsive, so hopefully all is well and it’s just how I carry him.


Still keeping low GI and focusing on getting all the protein and calcium I can. Being a bit less cautious about body fat deposits, probably because the smallness of the bump is starting to worry me. Then again, getting fatter isn’t going to make him grow any faster, so I’m not sure what I’m doing. Hopefully once I am reassured I can make a bit more sense of my eating habits.


Still managing to get the odd session in, through gardening, worries, very sore lower abs and managing to catch some sort of a throat virus from our friends last time we saw them. The weight isn’t going up fast, but at least it’s headed back to where it was before it crashed.

To be honest I’m feeling far too tired and anxious to give much more of a report.

How did your week in fitness go?

Seeded Autumn Loaf.

Because however much I’m eating low-GI foods, there’s no way I’m going low carb with this appetite. :p And who doesn’t love a warm slice of bread and butter when the weather starts to turn cold? Just need to top it with some elderberry jam and pair it with a nice hot choc…

spiced autumn bread recipe


  • 500g/17.5oz wholegrain flour
  • 1.5tsp baking powder
  • 1tsp cinnamon
  • 1tsp salt
  • 1/2tsp cayenne pepper
  • 1-1.5 cups of nuts and seeds (I used walnuts, brazils, sunflower seeds and pinenuts in equal porportions]
  • 2 eggs
  • water as needed
  • 2tbsp honey (optional]
  • seeds for topping (optional]


  • mixing bowl and spoon
  • loaf tin


  1. Preheat the oven to 160C/320F.
  2. Mix the dry ingredients thoroughly together.
  3. Mash in the egg and honey.
  4. Slowly incorporate cold water until the mix is a batter.
  5. Pour into a cake tin. Top with seeds.
  6. Bake until a skewer comes out clean. Ours took 45min, but it depends on how deep your cake tin is, how heavy your flour and how runny your batter. Far more variable than other loaves I have made!

Serve with butter and either cold cuts or jam. Or both.

Bonus: the last scraps from the garden. ^^


Autoandrophilia, or “Penis Envy”.

The idea of “penis envy” is thrown around a lot. And, in its simplest form it’s a ridiculous notion, that women, or some women, have an intrinsic desire to grow a random appendage we’ve never owned. However, on a more complex level, it is absolutely true.

Almost all humans have a drive to breed, to recreate ourselves, to reproduce. And although not all humans experience it this way, to the majority of people that means a desire for heterosexual reproduction: the union of a man and a woman resulting in offspring. Which means the majority of people desire the opposite sex. So men want vaginas and hips and breasts and wombs, and women want muscles and penises and testicles. We also desire for that offspring to be provided for, so men and women alike want an abundance of food, a secure home and a fair weather environment.

In a natural situation, men seek this from women and women seek it from men.

But this is not a natural situation. Today men fear women and women fear men. We’re encouraged to. We all also fear children and reproducing and sharing our resources. So the natural path of pairing up with someone who possessed what we need, making offspring with them and raising that offspring together is scary to many modern Western people.

And what is a modern Western person to do?

Well, in the past when men did not provide resources women would work. And in societies where breastfeeding is difficult some men have redeveloped the ability to breastfeed. Reproduction finds a way. Therefore, in a society where men are scary, women seek to replace them. Women want to own their own muscles and penis and testes. Women want to earn their own keep, support themselves, be their own partner and guide and guardian. Because men are too scary to provide this. Hence: penis envy. Few Western women want to grow an actual penis. But many want to replace the man it’s attached to with something less scary. A sanitized IVF process. An emotionless, powerless dildo. Something that meets the need without having a man at the other end of it. And they will idealize themselves as masculine, even when objectively they are not. Even when genuinely masculine women scare them as much as men do. Because they want the security and the human sexual duality. But they don’t want the man it’s attached to.

As part and parcel of the process, Western men also have an amount of “womb envy”. They still want to reproduce, to pass on their genes, to enjoy the company of women and to create excess resources and shower them down on their infants. But as women and reproduction are scary, men seek proxies. Men want their own breasts and hips and vaginas. Men seek to replace the womb with a sterile process such as adoption or artificial wombs. Men accumulate resources but are loathe to part with the excess because they have no trust in infants. Women and children are too scary to be part of their lives. So they seek to replace them on their own.

Which leads us back to autoandrophilia and autogynophilia: the attraction to yourself as the opposite sex. As we live in a world where everything to do with reproduction is too scary, Western humans seek sufficiency. And that sufficiency, in its most extreme form, is replacing the thing we desire. If we had the bodies we desire, then we would not feel pressured to venture out and interact with scary people to get what we want from them. Therefore, at the end of the day, “penis envy” and “womb envy” is simply autoandrophilia and autogynophilia: the idea that you would make a much sexier man or woman than any real person.

And when you start to see it, you see it everywhere.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

FitFriday, FatFriday XVI. Smallish bump, happy baby?


Hoping so, anyways. Getting to that point where everyone who hears I’m at almost 30 weeks does a double take. I’m not exactly teeny. Seen smaller bumps in my age group just paranoia-browsing a little. But reactions are starting to mess with me. Jon keeps reassuring me that the bump will grow and/or the next scan on Tuesday will show the baby is strong and healthy. Well, he sure kicks like he is, anyway!

pic pic2

Doesn’t help much that the midwife said I was measuring a few weeks small last time, though…


I found out that it isn’t only diabetes that shrinks a baby’s hippocampus in the third trimester, but pretty much all junk food habits. So after taking it easy in an effort to “correct” the bump, it looks like I’ll be ramping up the strictness for a bit. Perhaps if I control my blood sugar enough I can reduce or eliminate the risk of my son inheriting some form of bipolar. Which would be awesome. The less rubbish he has to deal with the better.

So it’s root veggies, greens, plenty of protein, getting shot of the last remnants of dairy, healthy fats and the odd bit of home-made bread. Essentially back to clean eating 101 for the next ten weeks or so.


Still been busy in the garden and the likes, but Jon thinks I’ve calmed down enough to get back to weights. Which is just as well, because they were starting to drop. Pretty angry at myself about that, but on the other hand I am pregnant, so perhaps it’s expected I won’t be throwing the better part of my body weight around every day.

Hopefully I can either build back up now, slam the weights once I’m recovered from childbirth, or do a bit of both and get back on track ASAP. Not that I’m looking any less muscled, but any drop in physical power concerns me.


Proofs. Guns (and triceps, deltoids, quads and calves] still there, just no ammo apparently.

Then again, perhaps the muscle is the main reason for the small bump. Compression or something? If that’s the case I’m unsure whether to take it easier or to keep working out. The scan will give me some idea.

How did your week in fitness go?

Dwarf Damson Tarts.

Called “dwarf” because this is the shortest pastry you can make without it being a crumble!


For the pastry:

  • 200g sugar
  • 200g butter
  • 300g flour
  • 1 egg
  • cinnamon to taste

For the filling:

  • 300g damsons
  • 200g sugar


  • mixing bowl and fork
  • small pot and wooden spoon
  • tart tray, greased or nonstick


  1. Thoroughly blend the sugar and butter. Leave to rest.
  2. Stone and dice the damsons and put them in a pot on a low heat. Wait until they release some juice before turning the heat up. Stew them down as much as possible, and remember to keep stirring.
  3. When the damsons are fully softened, add the sugar and bring the mix to a boil. Set aside to cool.
  4. Mix the flour and egg into the sugar and butter. Divide evenly between 12 tart spaces and make sure the walls are reasonably high.
  5. Spoon some warm damson mix into each casing. Don’t overfill as any bubbling will make the tarts impossible to remove from the tray. They are far too short to withstand rought handling!
  6. Bake at 160C for 25 minutes. The casings should still be soft, but should not dent too easily.
  7. Fully cool before removing and serving.

These were awesome to eat and have motivated me to try and use up all my jam and pie-filling jars this year. Wish me luck! ^^

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

Living with humans.

Living with people is hard. Even harder when you are introverted, not highly emotive, and overly practical about how to run your life. Even harder when your lifestyle is markedly alternative. But living with people can be handled.

As briefly mentioned last week, we were thinking of moving in with relatives and it fell through. And one of the reasons for it was quite simply that we felt we could not live with them at all. Their lifestyle clashed with ours, but there was a requirement that we merge our lives. And every pressure was put on us to change our own behaviours and accept the behaviours of the people we were moving in with. Which I suppose is fair enough, as they were there first. But neither Jon nor I are ready to change our lives so dramatically for anything or anyone. And the levels of drama were, quite frankly, massively above what we can tolerate, which, incidentally, is “as close to zero as possible”. So why try at all? Quite simply, we didn’t actually expect to have to change so much.

You see, we comfortably “live” with a couple we’re friends with semi regularly. We’ve had sleepovers, shared hotels, and our last holiday involved a solid week of houseshare. And although even arranging a single visit or day with the relatives was a nightmare, somehow living for a week with our friends was easy. We could do basic housework, arrange meals together, go places and even schedule my work and medical emergencies and shopping, all without a single falling out. So what gives? Why can we do that with them, but not our own family?

The core difference actually comes down to independence versus agreeability. Jon and I both have a strong desire to be independent, both as individuals and as a couple. So we aim to do as much as we can on our own. We also would rather things got done than did not, so we’re both agreeable as long as the work that needs to get done is getting done, but not at all agreeable when delays occur. And our friends are very much the same. They want to do their own thing and they want to do it in peace. So even though we were living together and doing things together, ultimately we were still operating as individuals and we were agreeable so as to enable all of us to continue operating as individuals.

Meanwhile, the main sources of conflict with the family were based around dependence and a need for agreeability beyond comfort. They were demanding to be informed of every aspect of our lives, insisting on helping us rather than letting us hire someone to do work, and getting upset whenever we chose to do something on our own. They were essentially demanding a merge of lives, a loss of independence to us. Share the dogs, let them take care of XYZ, put their needs first. And being highly emotive people, whenever we sought independence over communialism, they became upset. So rather than focusing on a problem, such as the dog needing somewhere to stay but them being unable to keep up their promises, or the solution, such as finding someone else to take care of her, we were expected to first and foremost focus on how we hurt their feelings throughout the situation. In other words, we were expected to be dependent on them and to be agreeable towards them. It was the complete opposite of our relationship with our friends.

I’m sure many people are happy to live with people who they are dependent on and agreeable towards. But ultimately, to avoid drama, you and the people you live with need to agree on your levels of interdependence and agreeability. Whether you want to lead completely isolated lives under the same roof or whether one of you will be completely dependent, you need to agree on that. And whether you want to handle everything bluntly or whether you need people to be sensitive to your emotions, you need to agree on that.

People can live together when they lead completely different lives. They cannot live together when their socializing patterns are completely different.

Let that be a lesson to all: before living with people, discuss dependence levels and how agreeable you need to be to each other. Because drama doesn’t come from disagreements, conflicting beliefs or busy lives. Drama comes from differing neediness.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

FitFriday, FatFriday XV. Tired.

So, as some of you may know, we were moving in with a relative and it’s gone sour and now we’ve had to move back in and start making plans for how to work the baby into our current home and how my work will go. So I’ve been a bit too busy for anything as leisurely as blogging, gardening, art, etc. The holiday was nice, but other than that it’s been moving boxes and furniture and cleaning, plus usual work, and basically not stopping from sunup til sundown. Which is bad enough for normal me, but pregnant me has literally no energy for it. And somehow I still can’t stop because there is a mess and I want to clear it up.

Remind me never to rely on people with emotions ever again.


The bump is still apparently too small. Jon pointed out that some first time mothers don’t even show until the last month, whereas others grow as big as a melon by the fifth week. Which is true and kind of reassuring. But he also added that I’d better be eating enough for his baby and that he would watch my food from now on.

I’m struggling with the switch from just having a bit of a bump to properly sticking out frontally. Every time I press the bump into something I end up panicking that I have hurt the baby and need to sit down and wait for him to move.


Other than the newly added layer of supervision, the diet is pretty much as it was. More good days than bad days though, and I’m getting plenty more random offal in now that the base formation of the fetus is over and done with and slightly imbalanced minerals won’t bother him. It feels good.

Coffee is not so good, but when you have someone with cyclothymia in her third trimester getting up early to spend 5 hours working, 5 hours on housework and another 4 on what’s basically manual labour, plus weights and cuddle time and actually scheduling meals, she’s going to need her artificial energy. Because nature did not come equipped.


My workout most days has been sorting our stuff back into the house, walking around for appointments and getting things clean, but I’ve still managed a few proper workouts and enough yoga to almost avoid pulling my abs again.

Anyways, everything is looking pretty neat now and I should be able to sort of relax and get back to usual, with normal work hours and a bit more time for blogs and properly chatting between my other work. And maternity leave from the 1st of December.

How did your week in fitness go?