5 Things Women Get Easy (that men would love).

In every society there are things that come easier to some people than to others and gender is one of those divides. Even in a primitive society, women often miss out on adventure and meat for being at home, whilst men miss out on safety and fruit for being away. In today’s society we’re told time and time again about the cultural and legal privileges that men have over women and we’re only just starting to acknowledge the many advantages that women have legally and in education. However we don’t really touch on the cultural advantages women have that men have to work incredibly hard to get.

So here are five privileges our culture bestows on women that men rarely receive, but absolutely love receiving.

1: Physical touch and sex.

Women benefit from all sorts of physical interactions. I’ll focus on two extremes: basic touch and sex.

Basic touch is when a friend hugs you, or a coworker rests a hand on your shoulder to reassure you. Women are more likely to be offered this touch and, with new concerns about harassment, less likely to receive it when we don’t want it.

Sex has always been easier for women to get than for men, as humans are social animals and for society to thrive, all women must be offered a chance to reproduce. However men are becoming increasingly stigmatized for their sexual urges and natural desires on top of this, which means men have a much harder time getting sex.

However men enjoy all sorts of physical contact and are just as de-stressed by a hug as a woman is.

2: Help.

Women are more likely to be offered a helping hand with something difficult and less likely to be stigmatized for asking for help. This means that in every case where a woman finds herself in trouble she is more likely to be helped on her way by a friend or stranger than a man is.

This is even reflected by our social aid projects. Although by far more men are homeless than women, more women receive homelessness support. Although men suffer domestic violence and especially physical abuse as much as women, almost all DV shelters assume that the woman was the victim and most are women-only.

We are a society unwilling to help men even when they need it.

3: Common courtesy.

When you’re exiting a supermarket and someone lets you out before they enter, when a parking spot is given to you, when a door is held open for you or helps you pick up something you dropped, that is actually a form of common courtesy, a way of being gentle and polite to everyone around you.

But, again, women are on the receiving end more often than men. Try watching a doorway from a waiting room or a cafe for a few hours. Most of the people having a door held for them will be women, even if it’s also a woman holding the door. Yet sometimes even when their arms are full, men don’t get that same bit of help. But it’s beyond assistance. If someone is stood by a door, struggling with a pile of boxes and nobody opens it or held it open for them, they are practically invisible. Nobody sees them, so nobody extends that politeness to them.

But apparently most men are invisible in that regard.

4: Assumption of parental instinct.

When a woman moves to collect a child at the park, nobody questions it. When a female teacher sees a young boy after school, nobody questions it. When a mother is involved in a case of domestic violence against her child, nobody believes for a second that she was a willing and sane participant. This is the assumption of parental instinct: the assumption that a mother is a parent first and a human later. And it definitely has its downsides, as all the aforementioned scenarios have played out before and the ending has been child abuse.

But men face the opposite. The assumption they have no parental instinct. If a father takes a picture of his own child at the park he is attacked. When a male teacher sees a young girl after school she is questioned as to what he did to her. When a father is involved in a case of domestic violence against his child he is assumed to be the instigator. Whilst nobody should carry the assumption of parental instinct the way mothers do, nobody should be assumed to entirely lack parental instinct the way fathers are. The choice between a good father and a drug addicted mother should be obvious and his relationship status shouldn’t be the pivot point for the entire custody case.

In these cases, ultimately the children are the ones who suffer.

5: A break or a free pass.

Women get this and we sometimes don’t even realize it. It ranges from women (in general) receiving shorter sentences for the exact same crimes as men (in general), to girls being more likely to get a hall pass or extra mock time in school, to women being able to smile their way out of a parking ticket. In short, because women look more childlike and frail than men and because women are attractive to men, men and women alike are more likely to give a woman a free pass if she acts out, commits a crime or lies.

Men don’t get this pass unless they are under serious duress or look particularly infantile and sweet. Even when they are literally children, boys are more likely to be tried as adults in serious criminal cases than girls. And men of certain socioeconomic, cultural or racial backgrounds in certain countries may be treated more harshly than the law requires. The assumption seems to be that men “can take it”. A man “can take” being forced to the ground and having a rib broken during arrest. A boy “can take” waiting for half an hour for the toilet. A man “can take” paying his parking ticket. A boy “can take” being tried as an adult for arson. Girls are sweet and innocent, women are childlike and nice, but males need to own their actions and then some.

But men aren’t machines. Yes, men are more designed for hardship than women. This much is evidenced by the hundreds of thousands of years men have spent hunting and warring as women stayed home and faced relatively little danger. But what is natural isn’t necessarily fair and in a world where everyone abides by the law as best they can and everyone pays for their actions, it is genuine injustice to make men pay more unnecessarily.

And those are five things that come very easily to women that men would love to have. Use this information as you will. Maybe you will give your husband or brother some more hugs, or your son a free pass when your daughter would get one in the same situation. Maybe you’ll think more about parenting and the assumption of parenthood before siding with mothers against fathers. Maybe you’ll even consider men’s human rights a cause you are willing to support and actively fight for them. Whatever you do to give men a little taste of female privileges, however small, remember this: it doesn’t hurt women, it doesn’t hurt society and it makes the world a better and fairer place.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

Feels-Trolls: the people who troll for good feelings.

By now everyone is familiar with the concept of an internet troll. They are someone who says things to get a rise out of people online. Sometimes they believe in it and are intentionally being obnoxious about it, most of the time they’re just saying whatever they think will anger you, regardless of whether they believe it or not. The troll in its natural environment will attack a neo-Nazi for being antisemitic and a Jew for owning the world banks in two separate tabs at the same time. They like the attention they get and they like knowing that their behaviour elicited an emotional response.

However, I propose that there is another type of troll, one that is more insidious, self-serving and only reveals their true nature when pried. The “Feels-Troll”.

A Feels-Troll, like a regular troll, will go around trawling through internet comment sections and post choice comments designed to get an emotional reaction, a response and many likes, karma, shares and what have you. But they do it not by saying something inflammatory, but by making a feelgood statement.

Again, it doesn’t matter whether they believe it or not, or even whether they know what they’re talking about. They just write whatever they think will get them the most favourable response from the most people in that community. Which means they spam-post blanket statements about war being bad, rape being bad, violence being bad, bad being bad. Basically, a fundamental perspective nobody could possibly disagree with. However these statements are often inaccurate and inarticulate. An actual example of one I faced was “All those who support war are wicked.”

On the surface, that’s a nice, friendly, anti-war comment. However it isn’t an argument or even, really, an opinion. Nobody likes war. However, many people support war as a reaction, a response. When faced with questions about the British choice to join WWII, the Vietnamese fighting off the Americans and the tribes who opposed the Roman empire, this individual didn’t know how to cope. Their feelgood blanket statement had been attacked. But they couldn’t admit a wrong, that in some cases war is just or warranted or just incidental. When it furthered into an argument about who can judge what is wicked and what is good, there was no answer to the questions. It took an exchange of around four comments to result in personal insults and being accused of being warmongering and violent. Just like a regular troll.

The Feels-Troll feeds off likes, upvotes and similar feelgood responses. So they will make comments that:

-Few people will disagree with the principle held within.

-On the surface appear to be obvious.

-Accuse some mystery third party of being pro-war/rape/violence.

-Don’t require possessing any knowledge.

-Don’t require expressing an opinion.

By avoiding expressing an actual opinion, presenting real evidence or confronting an actual enemy, the Feels-Troll guarantees that any casual reader will give them a like and a few similarly minded people will comment and encourage them.

However they aren’t there to make anyone happy, find like-minded people or have a serious debate. They are just there for attention.

Just there trolling for good feelings.

TTFN and Happy Hunting.

Tomorrow the papers will be signed…

…it’s odd to think of marriage this way. Well, to me it isn’t. I was never really the little girl who dreamed of a white wedding. I was the little girl who idolized Xena and wanted to be Peter Pan. I was the little girl hunting sheep round the back of our farmhouse. I had no time for dressup, boys or parties, although party food was more than welcome.

And I don’t think I ever grew out of that. If anything, I matured into it. I can say with almost complete confidence that I hadn’t once imagined a wedding until Jon said he’d want to get married. I was actually not all that into the idea of marriage until I met Jon. It just seemed like pointless expense that apparently most men didn’t want anyway, so whether I found someone whose company I actually enjoyed or became a spinster, marriage just wasn’t a concern.

So it’s odd to be looking at it now and realizing how unusual this is.

Everyone else seems to want a dress and a gathering, to be the centre of attention for a day or fifty. You’re expected to have a white dress, matching shoes and a giant cake, all your friends and family gathered for a fancy speech and a meal and a dance. Flowers that match the dress or the venue. Or if they’re less traditional they might want a themed wedding, something different, maybe a steampunk wedding or a candy themed wedding with an elaborate cake and jars of sweeties everywhere, I don’t know. So many people want to make it important, make it “the big day”, make it special. And if they want that for themselves, then that’s fine.

But I still don’t see the point of a wedding beyond making banking, child custody and joint ventures easier. Oh, and the tax break. The ceremony just looks like the best part of a deposit on a house that was wasted on fancy perishables, to be honest.

We’ve been together for almost four and a half years now and remaining together to raise children and grandchildren and look after each other into old age was always really the goal. Neither of us got into the relationship accidentally or just for the fun of it. Within three months we’d already ventured into the size of family we were looking forward to having. Sure, we wouldn’t be together if we didn’t find each other fun, but there was always a goal, it was never just fun. I’m not even sure I could build a human relationship purely based on fun. Fun is transient. My goal is to build and craft a life where I can have the most fun, enjoy myself the most. Not to just leap on it as and when it comes and live with consequences later. This was my first relationship beyond teenage social obligations to have “a boyfriend” for school conversation.

We’ve been living together as a married couple for over a year and a half now. And, again, it doesn’t really need celebrating. This is just what humans, or at least we, as humans, do. We wanted to have children and grandchildren together and look after each other until death, so living together was a natural move. We had shared our living spaces even before that, over weekends and weeks and fortnights. There were no surprises. He knew I had the odd day when I had low energy or needed to cry a lot. I knew he had days when he just wanted to sit and game. He knew I painted and read and wrote when I wanted to calm down and I knew how to get his favourite meals put together. It was a pretty seamless transition.

We’re not religious, although neither of us are vehement atheists either and I have a bit more of a belief in things beyond what we can directly experience. So there was no religious urge to marry. We would live like this regardless of whether or not we were contractually obligated to and if there is a powerful being that judges our relationship quality, I’m not sure that being legally married or not makes any difference to it.

So it doesn’t really feel like we’re celebrating anything.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing to be with Jon. He is the most perfect human I have ever met. He’s good looking, tall with nice hands and a great grin. He’s smart and widely read and eager to discuss any subject with me as long as neither of us is illiterate in it, which is a rare occurrence. He’s more scientifically minded which balances and overlaps with my creative mind and where he helps me with mathematics, I can help him with language and linguistics. He and I naturally lean towards similar if not exactly the same viewpoints and even when we disagree we find merit in the other’s perspective. He’s also the only person I can be with half a day or all day, every day, for months on end without a break and not get tired of. Scratch that: he’s the only person I can talk to for over an hour daily for four days and not get tired of. He’s the only person where I don’t have to resort to the digital barrier of emails and facebook so he doesn’t drain my energy. We’re headed in the same direction in life: to a nice smallholding where we can both be self employed with 4-10 biological children and some fostered children once our own are mostly grown up. He’s great and an excellent match for me.

But I really don’t feel like I need a piece of paper to tell me that. I know that.

And I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me we will constantly strive to be together until one of us passes. I know that too.

So here’s to a tax break, future children and a great night out. May there be many to come.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

5 Things To Do For Your Husband Today.

Often we rely too much on someone telling us what they want. And not everyone knows what they need, how to express it or that you can help. Same goes for your husband or live-in-partner. However close you are and however much you ask, there will always be things to do to make his life better that he won’t ask you for, but will appreciate immensely.

In my personal experience and from observation, here are five things you can do to make his day nicer that he wouldn’t even consider asking for.

1: A massage.

A staple of stereotypes and jokes, massages are really great. And I’ve found that men tend to be more likely to offer a spontaneous massage and women are more likely to request one than the other way around.

But everyone benefits from a good rub down once in a while. Start by waiting until he is sat down and relaxing and begin at the shoulders and neck. Work your way down his upper arms, then back up and down his back. Massaging his legs and feet are also options. Try and mix up the massage techniques. Men have fewer nerve endings near the skin surface than women, so a deep tissue massage where your knuckles are really digging in can feel very pleasant to them.

2: Pudding.

Everyone loves treats and most people enjoy a treat after dinner. However people turn to unwholesome foods more often when there isn’t something better on offer.

With a few minutes, some cream and some fruit you can make an ice cream, with a little extra time and a pastry recipe you can make a pie. Think of his favourite pudding and surprise him with it tonight.

3: Wash his outdoor clothes.

Many men enjoy spending time outdoors or simply have to for their job and chores. Does your husband do the gardening, go jogging, walk the dog or collect firewood? Then he will have some designated outdoor clothes he uses for them.

It might look like his tatty old jacket, muddy wellington boots and dusty overalls are meant to be that way, but as long as you don’t accidentally break them, many men appreciate coming home to the holes in their jacket patched, their boots mud-free and their overalls washed and dried.

Just because he likes his old clothes doesn’t mean he wants them to look old all the time or fall apart entirely.

4: Find/buy him something to enjoy together.

Your husband likes you. That means he likes spending time with you, seeing you smile and enjoy yourself and sharing his hobbies with you.

Look into a few of the things he likes that you weren’t all that interested in. Maybe he’s an avid gamer, a fan of a certain comic, interested in music or fond of gardening. Then, find something you think you would both enjoy and plan to do it together.

You don’t have to actually do it today or to surprise him with it. The fact that you took the initiative to learn about one of his hobbies and want to spend time joining him will make him incredibly happy.

5: Have some quiet time.

However much of an extrovert he may be, however much he adores you, everyone likes a little bit of quiet and men seem to want just a touch more quiet than women. It’s possibly even a biological difference, just like women need a bit more sleep than men.

But this doesn’t mean you need to be out of the room whenever he wants quiet. He still loves you and wants to spend time with you. Just make a point of putting on his favourite show or leaving a book on the table for him and cuddling up as he enjoys it. Make a drink, get something to do in silence and just sit there together.

And those are five things you can do today to make him happy and show him how much you love and respect him.

What do you do to make your husband or wife happy? How do you try and make each day special? Please share your advice and anecdotes with us!

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

The future of sexual socioeconomics: a lesson from history.

Sometimes I like to look at our current situation, see the problems with it and speculate about the future developments we will see.

And an area I have some interest in is sexual socioeconomics: the value we place on women and men as reproductive entities, on children and the cost of marriage and raising a child, versus society and nature’s demands. Or, more simply put, how and why we reproduce.

In today’s world the environment is not good for reproduction. We have a negative fertility rate, a rapidly aging population and a declining quality of life for young people. The institution of marriage, one of the best environments to raise numerous healthy, happy children, is almost dead, its function becoming one of economic control over people, an industry rather than a service to children.

Many people seem to believe that we will rise out of this by teaching men and women to embrace marriage once more and then we will reproduce again, raise children healthily and cure the world through good parenting.

But, looking at history, the actual way we will likely cure society isn’t quite so much sunshine and rainbows.

Look at Italy around 600 a.d., or anywhere in South or West Europe in 1400-1600 a.d.. You see, modern sociosexual education is a reaction to the demise of a violent order. When Rome was falling in the 200-300s a.d., it left behind soldiers and merchants used to harsh life on the road and to keep them in line with the new, quieter order, they needed to kill some of the dominance in them and encourage them to settle and have children. When the era of knights and crusades was coming to an end, there were many crusaders and knights who were, again, used to a harsh, migratory life. They needed to be calmed and to develop a respect for women’s weakness to make them valuable labourers and fathers once more.

After each of these societies began to collapse, the modern sociosexual ideologies got out of hand. Suddenly there were enough resources that hard graft and “chivalry” weren’t the most valuable traits. In an era of abundance, the women no longer respected the kind men who brought home the bread because there was enough bread to go around. In Italy’s 400-500s and Europe’s 1300s, women started to stray from their family structures and seek men who were more caddish, more inkeeeping with a woman’s base biological attraction.

This is where we are today. After the collapse of colonialism and wars, men used to violence and travel needed to be reeducated to work in offices, keep wives and have children. The modern sociosexual education was the antidote to too many dominant men and rogues. It was medicine (though you don’t want to drink the whole bottle). It cured a society that had too few men, too few workers and too many women working instead of breeding. It gave us positive fertility, happily married dominant men and high productivity from the 50s to the 70s. But from the late 60s something was growing. We had too many resources and women gradually became flighty. Where the modern sociosexual education was medicine for a dominant veteran, it was poison to a quiet college graduate. My generation (18-30) are one of the worst, but the next generation will be even more frivolous, promiscuous and flighty in general. But it can’t stay this way forever. It didn’t in the past and it won’t today.

The pushback came from men. Like in Japan today, in Italy around the year 600 and in South and West Europe in the years ranging from 1400 to 1600, we saw a change in men. Those who could be dominant were becoming flighty and aggressive, making themselves too powerful for other men to oppose and too free for women to handle through sex. Those who lacked enough dominant qualities became withdrawn from the marriage market place. This left the women in the hands of the dominant rulers and basically living as prostitutes, literally or figuratively. It was the only way to secure the protection of the dominant men and the resources of the subordinate men as the society they knew crumbled.

This new society will be flipping roles and be slightly more dangerous to women than to men. Gradually, as life becomes sustainable again, women will be welcomed back into the dominant men’ homes, politically powerless and happy to follow. After this the dominant men will generously encourage subordinate men to marry and protect the subordinate male’s reproduction and resources in exchange for his hard work. However these social orders rarely last. When democracy fails and dominant men rule, society often falls into war over resources. Dominant men are slightly more impulsive, power-hungry and pragmatic, so when water runs low or wheat is needed, they are more likely to engage in conflict if their odds are good. Scarcity is an inevitability, so therefore, war is also inevitable. This war will bring an era of almost tribal violence, just like Ancient Rome or the World Wars, where women are “equal” again in that they must work for their keep just like the men and breed and manufacture in exchange for the lives that men sacrifice on the battlefield.

And when the war is over we’ll bring back the respectful subordinate husband going to work in an office as his respectful wife takes care of the home, both fully appreciative of the better lives they have. And the cycle begins anew.

Humans are very predictable animals. Therefore, I’d say we’ll soon see Western herbivore men, the death of marriage, dominant men refusing to settle point-blanc and the rise of dominant men into positions of power and authority, until women can no longer rely on governmental support and must turn to these dominant men for money and security. Daddy government must die and only men, not parents, but single men, can kill him.

How To… set up a great picnic.

I’m not sure what it’s like where you are, but around here the weather is just about right for picnics. The Summer heat is fading a little, but the wind and rain hasn’t picked up yet. This means filling a hamper with food and going somewhere nice and warm to eat it.

This is how I make a traditional picnic, without relying on crisps and fruit, to have a great time anywhere.

1: Pies, pasties and puddings.

I try and make sure that all the soft foods like jam, meat stew and the likes are firmly encased in pastry, to make them easy to handle and carry.

Meat breads are also a great idea. You make dough and then as you are forming the rolls, you tuck meat and vegetables into the centre of the bread. When it bakes the dough absorbs some of the juices and makes for a delicious treat that is more robust than a sandwich.

2: Solid things.

Bring only hard fruits, like apples, or things in tupperware boxes. Anything soft or crunchy will crumble apart.

3: The basket.

You want a basket that closes well and keeps everything inside even if it is swung around. You want to pack it neatly.

4: Dishes and cutlery.

Choose less breakable items and try and bring a tray to keep them together.

5: A blanket.

A requirement. If the weather has been a little damp, bring a ground mat from a tent!

6: Keeping clean.

Baby wipes, two tea towels and a bottle of lightly soapy water for rinsing everything.

7: Drinks.

Bring plastic bottles, not glass or cans. If necessary, decant drinks from cans and glass bottles into empty water bottles before leaving. Just don’t bring glass or cans, as they can break, injure people, waste drinks and make a mess.

8: Against the elements.

Pick a spot where your blanket stays put on its own. Just put it down and watch it a moment if you’re not sure. When the wind doesn’t move it, the spot is right.

Don’t set up immediately under a tree, at the shell line on the beach or near sand dunes.

9: Against ants.

If ants are hard to avoid, bring some cinnamon and sprinkle it over your blanket. It burns ants so they will leave you alone.

10: For fun.

Bring two things for every person. There can be overlap, for example if two of the kids want to play football, that’s one thing for each of them, plus a magazine for the older kid and an art block for the younger one. Make sure everyone has something to do.

11: Make memories.

Press a few flowers, take some pictures or collect some still life every time you go on a picnic, it makes it all the more fun.

Finally, like anywhere, don’t overstay your welcome. When the food is gone, everyone has had fun and people are getting bored and tired, it’s time to leave. Trying to linger when everyone is bored is a surefire way to ruin a good picnic, not a way to make the day more fun.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

Do you like picnics? How do you manage them? Got any good picnic recipes or ways of wrangling the kids? Feel free to share them with us!

WWW. BBQ Chicken and Piernik Brownies.

Another busy week with the new puppy. For something that spends so much time asleep, she really does add to the day! :)

But we did manage to have some treats and new things mixed up. Not least of all, a BBQ chicken pan roast that was so good we made it twice.

BBQ Roast Chicken.

BBQ Roast  Chicken Recipe

Ingredients:

  • -8 pieces of chicken (thighs or breasts)
  • -300g celeriac
  • -300g potatoes
  • -300g carrots
  • -2tbsp chili garlic
  • -1tbsp soy sauce
  • -1tbsp brown vinegar
  • -1tbsp salt
  • -1tbsp sugar

Utensils:

  • -chopping board and knife
  • -large oven tray

Recipe:

  1. Slice the potatoes and celeriac into thin slices. Arrange them on the bottom of the tray.
  2. Arrange the chicken and carrots on top.
  3. Salt and place in the oven at 200C for around 20 minutes.
  4. Take out and rest a little. Add the sugar to the chicken skins. Leave to soak in.
  5. Add the vinegar and soy sauce to the whole dish. Drizzle with chili garlic.
  6. Roast at 160C until cooked through.

BBQ Roast  Chicken Recipe 2

Piernik Brownies.

Piernik Brownies Recipe

Piernik is one of my favourite things of all time. It’s basically Polish gingerbread and it’s delicious, especially with a bit of dark chocolate or jam. Dark chocolate, jam and piernik is a great indulgent afternoon treat.

This is a combination of two of those flavours: gingerbread and dark chocolate. I made a sugar-butter icing with cinnamon and cocoa powder as Jon likes baked goods to have some sort of icing, cream or custard on them, but they’re really delectable as they are.

Ingredients:

  • -2 cups plain flour
  • -3tbsp cocoa powder
  • -3tbsp sugar
  • -2 eggs
  • -1tbsp grated or chopped ginger
  • -1tsp cinnamon
  • -1/2tsp nutmeg
  • -1/4tsp cloves
  • -water as needed

Utensils:

  • -mixing bowl and fork
  • -greased or nonstick baking tray

Recipe:

  1. Mix all the ingredients together. Add more sugar to taste.
  2. Pour into the pan.
  3. Bake at 160C for 10-20min, or until spongy but cooked through.
  4. Serve with coffee.

And that’s what we liked the most out of our meals this week. What have you enjoyed cooking or eating this week?

TTFN and Happy Hunting!