Men Bond Over Experience, Women Over Familiarity.

Just another quick one.

I’ve recently observed two types of relationship complaints becoming more common and, having observed silently for a while and then discussed this, decided to write up my answer.

Men’s complaint: “Women want to talk too much and expect me to place weight on silly things like birthdays, colours and her most distant friends’ names.”

Women’s counterpart: “Men just don’t want to talk, don’t take my personal life seriously and don’t seem to mind when I forget important things about them.”

Women’s complaint: “He just wants to go everywhere. I love spending time with him, but is it really a big deal if we don’t go hiking together this weekend?”

Men’s counterpart: “She doesn’t want to do anything with me. How am I supposed to get to know her if she just wants to sit around watching TV? She’s starting to seem boring.”

Those two complaints stem from a fundamental misunderstanding that is summed up in the title: Men bond over experiences. Women bond over familiarity.

Basically, men get closer to people they do things with. This is why so many men go head over heels for a girl who is into their favourite hobbies, why they want to take their girlfriend everywhere and why they want a good girl to meet their friends and family. They like her and want to see how she acts in public and how well she enjoys what he enjoys. This will reveal key elements of her character to him and help him determine how good of a partner she makes. And all this time together will make his love for her grow.

On the other hand, women get closer to people they know things about. This is why so many women place great importance on dates and names, why they like to gossip for long periods of time and why they try and distinguish themselves by cooking a man’s favourite dinner. They like him and want to learn more about him and test his memory of her. This will reveal key elements of his character to her and help her determine how good of a partner he makes. And all this time unveiling the mystery will make her love for him grow.

These patterns are there for a reason. They serve our biological purposes: the man vets the woman for how well-rounded she is as a potential lover and mother, the woman background checks the man for how successful he is in his tribe. And they are very complementary. By remaining mysterious a man can convince a woman to spend more time with him. By spending time with a man a woman can open him up and inspect his character.

But we need to pay attention to them as well, especially when we’re looking at long term relationships.

Girls: I know you might not be massively into his hobbies and you might think that a night in is as good as going bowling. But by indulging his hobby you are telling him that he matters, whilst simultaneously getting to pick his brain. And if he doesn’t want to take you anywhere near his friends or hobbies, that’s a red flag: he doesn’t think you’re worth getting to know.

Guys: I know you might think all these bits of trivia are simple gossip and that it’s OK to forget a date or two. But by remembering a few select things about her you can keep her happy that she’s made an impression and you have a better chance of bringing her somewhere nice if you keep a bit of mystery and let her talk about herself and her friends a while. And if she doesn’t remember your birthday or other trivia about you, that’s a red flag: she doesn’t think you’re worth getting to know.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

How To… avoid toxic ideologies.

In a world where we live fairly easily and happily, ideologies quickly take hold and spread and soon everyone has an opinion on everything and everyone has labeled themselves as something.

But many past ideologies were based around suffering, strife and a need for change. And when there isn’t strife, what happens to all the people selling books, skimming off the top of their charity organization and using strife as an excuse for their own inadequacy? Well, they either leave the cause and find a new one to leech off. Or they remain, causing their ideology to stagnate and turning a once favourable beliefset based on questioning and investigating into a thin veil for their opportunism: a toxic ideology.

A toxic ideology is one that needs you more than you need it. Without learning to cross the street, many children each year would die. Without God, many religious people would find their life meaningless and empty. Without anarchy, many anti-establishment people could put themselves at danger by acting independently against authority.

Don’t get me wrong: these groups don’t represent an ideology in the same way and none are without their leeches. Wherever people congregate and follow they can be exploited. But generally people turn to them because they need the ideology or the product that comes from the ideology.

However certain ideologies emerge, either independently or from an expired ideology, that are the other way around. Without the ideology, the people would find their own perspective and not run riot. But without the people, the ideology and its leeches will die. Here are some warning signs that you have found a toxic ideology.

1: No shared mission.

All ideologies share beliefs and statements. “To further the wellbeing of mankind,” “we must erase poverty” and “nobody deserves torture” are all very reasonable statements that are believed by many humans. But they aren’t a mission, a direction everyone is headed in.

If an ideology’s only mission is something as abstract as that and nobody agrees on the mission beside that one point, then it doesn’t really have a shared mission. Think of it as an organization. If you had a charity “to fight cancer”, but one manager thought only herbal remedies would work, another was pro-chemo and another believed in spiritual healing, would you donate to them? Like a charity, if there’s no shared mission an ideology can’t move forwards toward its goal.

2: Complete adherence required.

Ideologies are supposed to serve you. Yes, you can be in it to serve other people, but if you’re being evicted or attacked for small slights, then the ideology is frail. It can’t have a shared mission if everyone doesn’t agree on the mission, but it also can’t have a shared mission if every follower and supporter must adhere to every single rule. If the end goal is to stop something, then every single step towards stopping it is valuable. If the end goal is to create something, then every penny and minute of time towards creating it is valuable.

If you’re being continually berated for not doing enough, guilt-tripped for your contributions and insulted for breaking a few minor rules or disagreeing with an orbital opinion, then this ideology isn’t trying to complete its mission.

3: Infighting and segregation.

A result of complete adherence rules is that the ideology becomes very divided. It’s perfectly natural for an ideology to split after a long period of time has passed and new evidence has divided the community. But when the community and its leaders disagree and fight among themselves daily, evict individuals regularly for minor offenses and split up every few years, then there is no central cohesiveness. This is a symptom of not having a mission or of leeches at the top not wanting their mission exposed or completed.

If the ideology is continually fighting over matters they’ve always known about, repeatedly bringing up past debates that were once concluded and never stops splitting and attacking the splitters, then it is headed nowhere.

4: Continual demands for money.

The more overt forms of money demands are easily picked up on by newcomers, but people who are committed to an ideology won’t notice even an overt demand. But covert demands also happen. Guilt tripping about donation levels, complaining about salaries or going to twitter to bemoan their poverty are a variety of ways that the leeches in toxic ideologies demand their money. Some may even get creative and come up with false charities and schemes to get you to “invest” in.

It’s fine to put money towards a charitable cause or maintaining a community. Even ongoing payments are fine as long as the issue is ongoing. But if you’re regularly being asked for random or undetermined amounts of money and you can’t see where it’s going, then that is a leech.

5: Insistence on finding illness.

Many ideologies are born of the need of the people. All good ideologies are. When someone needs support, faith, answers or defense, then an ideology is born. To a human, a social animal, rejection, discrimination, lack of basic resources and lack of freedom of thought are all illness, as they limit our ability to be social with out community. So when someone is discriminated against, alienated or has their access to basic resources and education restricted, an ideology is born to ask why and to fix that problem.

But what if there is no illness? Well, this is where the Munchhausen effect comes in. A toxic ideology is like a mother with Munchhausen by proxy. It can’t stand to be ignored, to be left, to not be needed. So the ideology will approach various people and insist that they are ill. Even if you are perfectly happy, freely making your own choices, physically and mentally healthy and provided for, a toxic ideology will tell you that you are unhappy, oppressed, ill and denied. And it will repeat this again and again until new followers are convinced that they are ill.

Worst of all, toxic ideologies encourage their followers to make themselves unhappy, to restrict themselves, to make themselves ill and to deny themselves, just so that they can become “proof” that the ideology is right. Toxic ideologies make their followers want to be ill to justify the ideology.

6: Bitterness and anger.

Because of all the above, toxic ideologies and their followers are full of bitterness and anger. This is because they are continually walking the tightrope. They have no shared mission, so their legitimacy is just a thin veil, always at risk of exposure. They require complete adherence and dogmatism and are continually angry at and afraid of anyone who rejects their dogma. They are always fighting among themselves about petty matters and splitting up into small sects, denying having anything in common with other sects and defending their sect above the others. They are always thinking of new ways to make money for themselves or for the ideology. And they are always sacrificing their own wellbeing to make a point. If, worst of all, they are in the majority who actually believe it, then they end up angry and bitter because they believe they have intelligently found “the truth” and that everyone else is blind. Because there are so few of them that believe exactly the same thing and because they argue so much (read 2 and 3), they feel very isolated.

And that is how you identify a toxic ideology. Any ideology that meets those six requirements is dangerous. Any that meets even a few of them is unhealthy and not going in a good direction. And if you’re finding yourself looking for excuses as to why your ideology is exempt from toxicity despite meeting these criteria, then you may have been deceived.

TTFN and Happy Hunting.

10 Things To Do Quick Before School Starts.

Summer really flies by, doesn’t it!

Only a memory ago we were having fun on our first day at the beach and now we’re almost back at school. And as a teacher I sympathize with the parents and children who are leaving a Summer of fun for the boring reality of work and school. So here are ten things to get done quickly whilst there’s still time!

1: Go for a last picnic.

Make some sandwiches, some salads and some baked goods. Grab some fruit and veggies. Buy a few bags of sweeties. Throw it all into a hamper with a cloth, some plates and cutlery and some toys and get outside to make a day of it before the sun goes into hiding!

2: Get those assignments done!

Go through all your children’s papers and find every assignment, email teachers asking them to confirm and make sure everything is done.

3: Go swimming as a family.

Once the routine of school and work is back to normal, you may not be able to go swimming together for several months. Make a point of finding a place that’s outdoors and sunny if you can and all go for a swim. Maybe it’s a lake, the sea, a pool or the river. Just try and have a great time.

4: Plan some school outfits.

Especially if the children don’t wear uniform. If they do, then we need to get them a new one because they’re bound to have grown. But if they don’t there’s no reason not to go and find or make them some cute or practical new clothes for school.

5: Stock up on stationary.

Get everything. Seriously. Stop by your local dollar or pound store and buy the essentials, plus five or six cool items, like themed notebooks, glitter pens, swiss army pens, reward stickers, everything.

6: Spend all day at the zoo.

Try and spend all day at the zoo. Get some tickets, some change for lunch and drive down to the nearest zoo. Make a point of staying as long as anyone wants at each enclosure, seeing every show and animal and taking pictures of everything, even the upsets and bruises.

7: Do something you’ve never done before.

Never been to a fair or a circus? Why not go? Never went camping? Maybe just one day won’t hurt. Try and get a brand new experience in right before school.

8: Make a Summer album.

Take a good look at all the photos you have from the Summer and print out everyone’s favourites. Then, get a scrapbook and assemble them. My favourite idea is one or two pages for each place or activity, including the tickets and any stickers or postcards you bought whilst there.

9: Start a homework club.

If any of your little ones is really struggling with homework or isn’t sure about starting at a new school, send an email to the PTA asking whether you can start a homework club, or start a private one for your neighbourhood.

10: Spend the weekend away.

As long as you’re back with 12 hours to get tidied up and send the kids to bed, then why not spend a couple of days in a cabin or a hotel somewhere completely different? It won’t cost much for one night so close to school time and it ends the holidays on a high note.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

What would you like to cram in before the holidays are over?

The Beautiful Blogger Award.

So Rosie has nominated me for the Beautiful Blogger Award. Thank you so much! 🙂

The Rules

Link the blogger who took the time to nominate you. List seven random things about yourself. Nominate seven creative, beautiful bloggers. Notify the Blogger that you nominated their blog for the award.

Seven Random Things.

  1. I’m a massive anime geek. I am obsessed with far too many series and watch anime in a lot of my free time, whether I’m fully focused or its just background noise.
  2. Although I’m lactose intolerant, I find dairy too appealing to fully avoid. My vanity saves me a bit as dairy gives me acne and don’t want acne.
  3. I love lifting weights. Although my waist is a constant 27″, I have increased from 60kg (132lbs), weigh almost 70kg (155lbs) and want to hit 75kg (165lbs) through mostly muscle increases.
  4. Numbers are in some ways beyond my understanding. Sometimes I can work with them really well, but when numbers get big and I can’t round them to make them simpler, my mind draws an instant blank.
  5. Horror and gore actually look pretty too me. I don’t know why, but there’s something strangely peaceful about it.
  6. One day I would really, really, really like to live on my own smallholding in the middle of nowhere where I can live off the land with my family and do all my work online.
  7. There are so many crafts I know how to do, need to hone or want to learn that I just haven’t got enough time in one week. And then I feel like I’m not doing enough because I don’t have the time.

Seven Awesome Bloggers.

1: Hearth’s Rose Garden. For Hearthie’s musings on fashion, home arts and lifestyle.

2: Girl With a Dragonfly Tattoo’s Blog. For a combination of frank thought and positive thought on spirituality, family, self care and growth.

3: Insanitybytes’ Biology Blog. For subjects where religion, human biology, game theory and romantic idealism overlap. A breath of fresh air in the womanosphere.

4: Florida Life Minimalist’s Blog. For minimalism, lifestyle and clearing the mind and soul.

5: The Autistic Gamer’s Blog. For frank discussions on the sexual marketplace and human nature from an outsider’s perspective.

6: Sir Guy’s Blog. For marriage and girl game theory, analyzed and put into practise with a more focused mind.

7: Disenchanted Scholar’s Philosophies. For keeping up to date on the more bitter pills to swallow.

Have fun checking these guys out and writing your own Beautiful Blogger posts!

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

How To… identify and manage depressive cycles.

Everyone gets down once in a while. Everyone can feel sad, emotionally unbalanced, tired or anxious. But if you find yourself repeatedly in these states, often for no discernible reason or for unbelievably petty reasons, then you may have a depressive cycle condition.

1: Is this you?

One day you’re on top of the world, or at least feeling fine. You break your shoe, but march into a store and get a new pair. It cost a bit, but they would have needed replacing some time or another and you really like your new shoes anyway. You get to your lunch date a bit late but after explaining and showing the offending shoe all is well. You enjoy the date knowing that they aren’t too upset by your lateness, part on friendly terms and agree to have a second date.

The next morning you wake up suddenly at four am feeling incredibly anxious. You’re not sure if your date was actually OK with your reasoning. Maybe they think you’re the sort of person who carries around broken shoes just so you can excuse your lateness? And now you’re not sure you like those shoes any more anyway. You preferred the old ones. You can’t get back to sleep and drink some coffee to calm a strange shakiness and ache that has appeared in your fingers, probably from the stress. Trying to make breakfast a few minutes later, you drop a whole egg in the pan and, frustrated, throw all of it away. Making a new omelet feels like an incredibly difficult task and you feel suddenly very tired, despite just having had a coffee. You sit down and try and put the TV on, but can’t focus on it. It feels pointless and dumb to be watching TV and nothing is interesting on it. You feel helpless and break down crying.

After crying you feel more steady. Your hands aren’t shaking and you have a little more energy. You still feel strangely empty and your joints have started hurting a bit again, but at least now you feel like making another omelet.

That is a fairly normal depressive episode following what may have been a normal mood or may have been very mild mania. Because you’ve lived with it most of your life, most people with this sort of cycle don’t really notice it as something that may be a problem.

2: Ups, downs or steady?

In terms of the type of cycle, there are three defining characteristics: what moods there are in the cycle, how long the cycle is and how intense the moods are.

Firstly we’ll look at the moods we have. There are three stages to a cycle. Most people will only experience two for any length of time and the other may not feature or may be very brief and mild.

-Depressive stage. The one we’re focusing on for this guide and the one that causes most people the biggest problem. You feel sad, angry or temperamental for no reason. You feel tired, lethargic, but also anxious and jumpy at once, you may have a very hard time sleeping despite feeling exhausted. You lose motivation and start having negative thought cycles.

-Manic stage. Can be a problem to some people but provides a welcome break for those with very mild mania. You feel on top of the world, excited and brimming with energy. Your outlook is optimistic and the silver linings seem very clear. You want to do everything at once and have a hard time stopping yourself from filling the calendar too much. You have a hard time focusing on any task at hand.

-Normal or flat stage. Not a problem in and of itself, but can make some people with depressive cycles feel worse about the depression.

If you have depressive and manic as your primary cycle, you could have: cyclothymia, bipolar I, borderline.

If you have depressive and flat as your primary cycle, you could have: dysthymia, bipolar II.

People with depressive and manic may find their lives are in more of a mess and others are more often hurt by their actions. People with depressive and flat may find themselves very alone and be at risk of self harm.

3: Serious or inconvenient?

The severity of the disorder depends on two things. Firstly, how intense the moods are. Depression can range from feeling a bit flat and sad to suicidal rage. Mania can range from feeling a bit lively and unfocused to impulsively buying an entire store and then burning it. The more destructive and hard to control the mood is, the more intense it is.

The second thing is how fast the cycle is. When the cycle is slow you can predict the buildup and get ready. When it’s fast your moods can flip uncomfortably.

In terms of severity, the mood disorders scale like this:

Borderline. Very sudden, unpredictable mood switches between full mania and clinical depression.

Bipolar I. Gradual, predictable mood switches between full mania and clinical depression.

Bipolar II. Gradual, predictable mood switches between hypomania and clinical depression.

Cyclothymia. Very sudden, predictable mood switches between hypomania and subclinical depression.

Dysthymia. Gradual, predictable mood switches between normal mood and subclinical depression.

Of course all of them vary a little from person to person, but in general that is the simplest way of explaining each of them.

And the main way of treating these episodes is to work out what exactly is going on. Not all depression is alike, so pinpointing the cause of an exact problem can help fix it.

4: Serotonin.

One cause of depression is when serotonin reuptake inhibitors stop working. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps relay messages around the brain. SRIs stop your body from absorbing too much serotonin. When they aren’t working we may end up with too little serotonin, which destabilizes our mood. On its own, this won’t always cause depression, but it leaves us vulnerable. Symptoms include:

-Difficulty sleeping.


-Sudden urges to cry, laugh or crush things.

-Sensitivity to pain, normal touch feels uncomfortable.

Management includes:


-Isolating yourself from others for a while.

-Engaging in calm and pleasurable activities, like watching TV, reading or listening to music.

-Asking your doctor about 5-HTP and SSRIs.

5: GABA.

GABA’s main role is helping us get into a nice deep sleep. When this sleep process is interrupted, for example by alcohol, REM sleep is worsened which can cause a downward spiral as though we weren’t sleeping at all. If you have poor GABA receptors you may suffer the same way someone suffers with a hangover. Symptoms include:

-Suddenly vivid and very memorable dreams.

-Anxious, edgy, twitchy.

-Panic and sickness at night.

-Turning to alcohol or drugs to get some sleep.

Management includes:

-Meditation before bed to unwind.

-A mild sleeping pill to promote REM sleep.

-Supplemental GABA.

6: Dopamine.

Dopamine is the reward driver. Whenever you do something that results in a pleasant sensation, like eating good food, relaxing, having sex or playing, dopamine fires out to tell you what a good job you’re doing and to remind you to do that more often. When your dopamine receptors aren’t working properly there is nothing in your body to tell you that you did well at being a human. Symptoms include:

-No lust for life.

-Nothing feels rewarding, everything feels like it’s draining you, even things you used to like seem pointless.

-Low or absent concern even for people you loved.

-Things genuinely start looking dull, grey and uninviting.

Management includes:

-Going somewhere new and exciting.

-Overwhelming the senses.


-Supplementing l-phenylalanine.

7: Norepinephrine.

Norepinephrine is a neurotransmitter that is produced in response to stress. It is also a stress hormone, like cortisol or adrenaline. It increases the oxygen going to our brain, speeds up our heartrate and shuts down basic processes like digestion until the stress is gone. It helps send us into fight or flight. When the receptors aren’t working anxiety can build up, but the body becomes overwhelmed and has no energy to fight the stress. Symptoms include:

-Low energy for no reason.

-Poor motivation, persistence and focus.

-A desire to sleep for a long time.

-Boredom regardless of what you’re doing.

-Sudden spikes of anxiety, a feeling your existence is threatened.

Management includes:


-A mild herbal antianxiety pill like valerian root.

-Caffeine to raise your energy through the day.

-Ask your doctor about SSRIs.

8: Hippocampus.

Many people with depression actually have a smaller than average hippocampus and long periods of depression can shrink it further. The hippocampus processes all your new memories and might play a role in deciding which ones are important to keep and which ones are for the short term. It also works with your spacial memory, helping you map your location and even remember what size your body is and what it’s doing. If your hippocampus is too small, it may become overwhelmed, causing poor memory function and proprioception. Symptoms include:

-Forgetting your daily plans.

-Forgetting what day it was, or things that happened in the past few days.

-Accidentally dropping or crushing things because you lost track of your hands.

Management includes:

-Mindfulness meditation.

-Keeping lists when you notice it happening.

9: The start and end.

Finally, you want to learn to predict when depression is creeping up on you, what type of depression it is and what the cycle usually involves. Keep a diary to find out what starts and ends your depressive cycles, what triggers an episode and what helps calm them preemptively.

And that’s how I manage depressive cycles. I hope that helps, or was at least informative if you don’t have depression.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

5 Common Money Mistakes.

Everyone would like to save a little here and there. But some common decisions can result in you spending more money than you intended, over and over again.

1.- Using cards too much.

Cards are a very convenient way of buying things. Too convenient, if you ask me. When we use cards we’re less able to keep track of what we’ve bought. We don’t have a certain number of notes and coins to keep track of. And we’re more likely to splurge when we carry more in our accounts than we do in our pockets.

Try and leave the house always with the money you need and only bring the card out for big purchases or if you see something genuinely too cheap to pass up, that just happened not to be on your list, like a reduced price lamb’s leg.

2.- Virtual over real money.

In a similar vein, we have a hard time conceptualizing real over virtual money. We often accidentally think in terms of our net worth rather than our spending money. We think we have £400 of eBay stock on sale, so we have £400. We think our paycheck is £2000, so we have at least £24000 this year.

Any money that isn’t right now in your bank account or home is not real. That paycheck you’re getting doesn’t exist. If it’s delayed or your company goes bankrupt you might not have it for a very long time. Think in terms of what you have right now, not what you could have.

3.- Physical over virtual media.

On the other hand, we place too much value on physically possessing something. Even when that thing is not really something you hold in person. Everything from films and music to cards and guides, we like to have the thing in our hand rather than on our screen.

But most of these things can’t be used without putting them into some sort of a device anyway, degrade over time and are often more costly. Get your media cheaply, digitally and make it go much further.

4.- Not negotiating.

More a problem that Brits and some Americans suffer than anyone else, but: we just don’t negotiate! We pay fixed price for everything every time and then bemoan it when we find it half price online two days later.

A bit of a haggle is good for the soul and most things can be haggled down, especially in small stores and online shopping. Just asking for a discount via email can result in coupons and reimbursements, so don’t be scared to ask for a little off, especially on big purchases.

5.- Fallacy of sunk costs.

It’s all too easy to fall for this one. We’ve already spent so much on this renovation project, making this dress or planting the garden that we “may as well” throw another pile of money at it and try and fix it. And then we end up spending more money on our cheap way out than we would have spent buying the items anyway.

If something just isn’t working, you’ve spent twice as much on it as you would have spent on the alternative and it looks like it will still cost more, cut the costs and buy the alternative.

And those are my top five common money mistakes that we all make and that can cost us a lot over the year.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

What money mistakes do you fall for? What traps do you take pride in avoiding?

White Knights, Black Knights and Noble Men.

There are two concepts that are thrown around on the internet a lot.

The first is the White Knight, the idea of a man who spends his days, online or offline, gallantly racing into situations, even ones that he wasn’t a part of, to rescue a woman in distress, especially from other men. The archetypical White Knight makes no distinctions between whether the woman is in any actual danger or just making noise, whether she is asking for help or just looks a little bothered, whether the problem is not her fault or entirely her own creation. He will just march in and do her homework for her, punch her boyfriend during an argument and troll and doxx anyone who disagrees with her online. He lives to serve womankind by making sure that women never face any hardship, disagreement, troubles or even inconveniences.

A slightly more obscure concept is that of the Black Knight. Named as a witty counterpart to the White Knight, Black Knights also aim to be a witty counterpart to White Knights. He will respond dismissively, sarcastically and even rudely to situations where a woman might be in distress. Rather than boost her ego into the stars, he wants to drive the pedestal out from beneath her. He will call her ugly when asked for an opinion, call her out when she lies, support other people in arguments… basically treat her like another man, but more like a man he has no loyalty to than like a best friend. He lives to try and undo the work of White Knights at any cost and make women realize that they too are people.

Few people live up to one archetype. Generally, unless they’re going out of their way to be one way or the other, someone will display White Knight and Black Knight behaviours based on personal preference. With their girlfriend, mother or female friends they may White Knight, with their ex, their coworkers and bar staff they may Black Knight. And these two identities, both on an individual and a societal level, live in a state of tug of war. At the moment White Knights are in the lead, but they are slowly losing ground and Black Knighting may soon become the norm. And this continual see-sawing balance is good, but not necessarily enjoyable by society or likely to inspire productive behaviour in those on the receiving end of White Knighting and Black Knighting.

This is because the balance is normally reactive. A White Knight is reacting to all the “jerks” he sees upsetting women and overcompensates in an attempt to balance. A Black Knight is reacting to all the “simps” he sees pedestalizing women and overcompensates to balance. A normal person White Knights people they like and Black Knights people they dislike. And all this does is create personal preferences. A woman will avoid a man who Black Knights her and only call on White Knights when she wants their assistance because neither of them are pleasant, just or balanced people to be around.

Instead of reacting to other people, the healthy middle ground is the Noble Man, who reacts to situations. The Noble Man doesn’t Black Knight everyone on principle or Black Knight people he dislikes: he Black Knights when someone is getting uppity. If his sister starts insulting and hitting her boyfriend, the Noble Man will restrain and calm her and probably advise the boyfriend to reconsider the relationship. However he also White Knights, or goes to the defense of the weak and needy, when the situation calls for it. If he sees that a rude waitress is groped by a drunk patron, the Noble Man will support her side to get the patron removed. He won’t treat anyone a specific way forever, rather, he will do what is needed to restabilize the situation.

Not that any of this will change many men’s minds. But at least it will give other women some groundwork from which to evaluate our relationships with the men in our lives.

TTFN and Happy Hunting.