How To… female dread.

There is a concept in the PUA and Red Pill communities called “dread”. The basic idea is to do just enough to make a woman “dread” leaving you. Maybe she’s losing appreciation and he’s showing her how valuable he is. Or maybe she’s losing focus and he moves quickly out of her life to show he’s mobile. Or maybe she thinks he’s locked down and he’s illustrating that he is not focused only on her. To many women these behaviours may seem cruel. And oftentimes they feel cruel or even are cruel. But they are also natural and often necessary to give a man leverage in his relationship/s.

Likewise, if you are a man reading this, take this post calmly as, however cruel it may seem to you, these are natural ways a woman can ensure her man is focused on her.

1: Accept that you are living, breathing dread.

As a woman you are automatically a desirable partner, to some degree, to every heterosexual man on the planet. Quite simply put, in evolutionary terms one man is enough for hundreds of women to reproduce, but hundreds of men and one woman does not a tribe make. So we have evolved to place a base level of automatic value on a womb.

This means that whilst men need to work to remind a woman that they are valuable, most women are automatically valuable to most men. He is probably already afraid that you are too valuable for him, that you have options and that you can leave.

2: Do not threaten or corner him.

Threats are superflous as male relationship anxiety is internal. Dread on females is external because our romantic choices are external. Allow me to explain.

As women inherently have value, a man’s selection criteria are purely based on his own sexual and emotional desires. Who he wants to reproduce with is an internal process. It doesn’t matter if every man in his tribe wants woman X, if he is wired to fancy woman Y, he will fancy her. And, as long as both are fertile, it doesn’t matter that he chooses Y. Over the years, men have developed some shared preferences (hourglass figures, squishy thighs and buttocks, young face) and some personal preferences (red hair, long toes, shorter figure). But all these preferences are an inbuilt mechanism.

But as men do not inherently have value, women need to select men based on their added value, their external value. In one tribe, they may subsist on fish and need many fishermen. The women who select the best fishermen as partners bring more children to adulthood and their children also do better in life. But if a hundred years later the tribe finds masses of rabbit warrens, that generation of women needs to find the best rabbit hunters. Our desire has some internal basis, but, in principle, we desire partners based on external factors.

Therefore, when a man threatens with leaving or corners a woman emotionally, he is showing off. He is showing that he has external value that makes him better than the next guy. You know, in case she was thinking of leaving. He is basically saying “I can leave, I have options, don’t think you can crawl back to me when you make a bad decision”.

But the same doesn’t work for the woman. Because a man knows his woman has options. By virtue of existing, however apparently infertile she is, there will be someone who wants her. Because her value is internal to the man observing her.

By threatening, a woman isn’t saying “I have options”, he already knows she does. She is saying “I am taking another option”. Therefore, threats and cornering won’t just make a man closer to you, they could trigger extreme jealousy, anger or even make him give up, because you’ve clearly found someone better.

3: Do not withhold or control resources.

Another way a man can employ dread is by limiting a woman’s access to resources. If he is the main breadwinner, his status is greater than hers, he gets free perks or he is her only source of sex, then withholding these things sends home a message. It reminds her of everything she would lose were she to stray, that she is not entitled to anything he offers and that he is willing and capable of removing it at a moment’s notice.

Women rarely have the upper hand in terms of resources because, by our very nature, we usually get those resources from men. Even when a woman has her own resources, sex, food and status are easily attainable to many men. Men can even do with very little or without some resources, if that means they have more freedom and opportunities.

When a man withholds sex, a woman either must leave or win him back. When a woman withholds sex, a man starts looking elsewhere.

When a man withholds money, a woman must either leave or win him back. When a woman withholds money, a man starts making his own.

When a man withholds status, a woman must either leave or win him back. When a woman withholds status, a man would rather go without.

Whatever you take away from him physically, he will either do without or find elsewhere. By putting up that barrier you are encouraging him to turn away, not to climb it.

So we’ve seen what we can’t do. But what can a woman do to remind her man of her worth, of her freedom to leave and her needs and desires?

4: Keep calm and polite.

Being standoffish, aggressive and selfish will not make you look like a girl in demand. You are a girl in demand because you’re a girl. That won’t be the first thing he thinks when you get angry. It will just make you look undesirable. Why does he want to be with a girl who snaps over the smallest thing, or insults him over every argument? He can surely do better than her.

However, turn that around. If you can remain calm in almost every situation and master your emotions to a point where even you, yourself, stop caring so much about minor things, then you become more desirable. Who is this girl who can take a joke, go through some pain and still smile and relax at the end of the day?

If you are always polite and courteous, then he will not end every argument thinking he can do better than you. You will possibly even stand out as one of the few women he’s dated who can take an argument seriously without throwing ad hominems.

By making sure you are relaxed, balanced, polite and gentle at all times, he will not harbour any memories of the pain you caused him. He will instead be able to appreciate your efforts towards the relationship.

5: Nurture.

Another thing women are often very good at, but that we’re losing a little is our nurturing nature. Whether it’s a child, a cat or even a work project, we care for things closely, tenderly and carefully to ensure they fully develop.

And that is most men’s most intimate non-sexual experience of women. From his mother and grandmothers, to teachers and mentors, men grow up around women who nurture them to help them grow and develop. Some even become dependent on this nurturing to work hard and fail to thrive when there is nobody to congratulate and reward them.

Many girlfriends and wives fail to nurture their partners. In part, this is instinctive. We would, in a wild world, have babies and elderly parents and livestock that needed our nurturing more than our husbands. And men don’t really need to be constantly nurtured. They are well-equipped with a desire to better themselves for its own sake and a fear of failure.

But when a man is motivated by more than fear, he will often throw extra effort into his entire life. By nurturing your husband, keeping him relaxed, happy, fed and motivated to grow, you are making sure his quality of life improves dramatically. And he will associate that change with you and want to keep you around.

6: Be available.

Whereas men often withdraw resources such as sex, money, emotions or safety so as to remind a woman that he improves her life, we can benefit more from doing the opposite.

Men already know full well that women don’t need to provide. In fact, their many experiences and observations on women have already shown them that most women don’t want to provide or are even averse to it.

By doing your best to meet his needs, provide for him and give him everything you can you are telling him that you are different. And you don’t even have to actually give your all. Something as simple as listening to him complain about a day at work or making his favourite dinner will already tell him that you stand out. When so few women take a single step in this direction, being the one to go the whole mile often makes you by far his best prospect.

7: Be attractive.

Men are primarily attracted to our looks. It is their internal desire, the love that motivates healthy reproduction. So take care of those looks.

If you let yourself go he may start taking you for granted. This is literally the only situation where a man can undervalue his woman’s ability to find a new partner. When she gains an extra 20lbs, cuts her hair a way he doesn’t like or stops wearing makeup, he sees her as less attractive and this makes him assume that other men will see her as less attractive. He assumes that as he doesn’t want to work to keep you, other men won’t work to get you.

By keeping as attractive as you can, you keep him on his toes. Regardless of what you look like, how old you are, what you wear or where you come from, if you

A: try and be as attractive as possible to him and

B: put in a little effort each day

you will get complimented on your looks, your efforts, your style, etc. And he will like you. Combine the two and he will be reminded that you are still desirable and that thousands of men across the world would gladly replace him if he needed replacing.

8: Be gregarious.

The final step to female dread is to be gregarious. That is, to meet people, see people, talk to people and have fun. How you do this depends on you and him. Something like inviting his friends over to dinner and letting him see them compliment you and your cooking could be a firm reminder. Or he may need to see you dressed to the nines in an upscale bar with guys fighting to buy you drinks. The key here is that you don’t need to do anything on top of that. Just be your usual self, plus what you do for him. It will be enough to attract some attention and he will, trust me, definitely notice that his woman is getting attention.

And that is how a woman can apply dread. Skip the threats, the online dating accounts left open, the withdrawal of sex or the long nights out. Instead, be a joy to be around, an asset to his life, the easiest partner he’ll have (only once he has you, mind) and someone attractive and desirable to him. He will dread leaving you.

TTFN and Happy Hunting.

Disclaimer: Yes, it’s a little cold and cruel on the surface. The concept of dread is inherently troublesome to men and women alike because it kills our illusion of choice.

Using female dread as the example: a woman buys her husband a stash of his favourite chocolate bars, this makes him like her more.

He likes to think that she did it because she just felt like it and that he chose her out of his own free will. When he is aware of female game, he starts questioning it. Perhaps she did it because she consciously knew it would make him more attracted. Perhaps she is making him choose her. The illusion of choice is killed. This can even make something nice, such as getting his favourite chocolate bars, seem unpleasant.

When we are unaware of dread it’s easy to just think of such things as natural, loving, automatic behaviours. But when we are aware of dread, we realize that either on a biological or a conscious level, our partners are manipulating us into loving them.

It hurts to accept. But this is how it would be, whether we knew about it or not. And by knowing about it we can better use dread to our advantage.

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9 thoughts on “How To… female dread.

  1. Dread is about having options. Attractive women always have options. Attractive women always do Dread. Just by being.

    Men need to do something to create Dread. They have to actively seek options. Men with options are attractive.

    Men do. Women be.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah, but if a male has many options then a female needs to make herself more obviously desirable, as a reminder she also has options. In short, dread isn’t about the options you have, it’s about the options your partner knows you have. And anyone can take their partner for granted, just as anyone can let themselves go.

      Long term relationships are a push and pull of SMV and MMV, where neither MV can deviate too much from the other and neither partner can be too much better or worse than the other.

      Liked by 1 person

      • A woman will know that a man has options by his nonverbal signals. A man will know that a woman has options by her appearance. Wife goggles will distort a man’s vision. A woman needs to be chasing the man for a relationship to work. His SMV needs to be 1-2 pts. higher than hers.

        Dread is merely a spinoff of having options.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hence why traditional male dread doesn’t work for women, as outlined above. Men don’t react to overt displays of authority, as it signals the wrong thing.

        However, a man worth having will have access to enough women that settling with any of them is a difficult choice to him. All have inherent value, but all can be replaced. If a woman wants to rise beyond the innumerable ranks of attractive, sexually willing females that are accessible to her partner, she must demonstrate that she is more than a face and three orifices. She cannot show herself to be better than them: she either is or isn’t. She either is younger or isn’t, she is prettier or isn’t, she is high sex drive or isn’t, she is low partner count or isn’t. Our main point of desirability (beauty) may have a much higher predetermined value than a man’s main point of desirability (status), but it is also inflexible and insufficient when it comes to fulfilling our biological imperative on its own. The best men can’t be locked down by just a pretty face.

        Female dread, as outlined above, is inherently non-physical and pursuant in nature, as to lock down a high value man women do not need to rise ABOVE other women, rather be put ASIDE from them. We need to bring quantity to the table, not just quality.

        Male dread, on the other hand, is discarding the traditional beta approach of offering quantity and instead suggesting the inherent quality of every ounce of what he does have.

        Male and female dread are different strategies, but both more necessary than you could assume.

        Like

  2. I’m trying to understand what you mean by “quantity”. Does “quantity” mean “exclusivity”? And does “quality” for a man mean “alpha traits”?

    Women need to bring:

    1. Looks (to the best of her ability). Femininity. Long hair. Skirts & dresses (signal that the man wears the pants). Makeup. Skin care. Good grooming. Appropriate colors and clothing. If the looks meet a man’s minimal level of bangability, then other things become more important for LTRs. Such as…
    2. Sweetness. Sammiches. Cook & clean & care for kids. Serve the man meals he likes to eat. Pay attention to when his cup is empty and get him drinks. Pay attention to his snacks, but don’t overfeed him. Give him backrubs. Check his grooming and appearance.
    3. Loyalty (aka “faithfulness”). Keep your butt at home with your man. No girls’ night out. Don’t keep contact with old bf’s and don’t chase after d1ck on fb. Don’t publicize your phone no. on fb.
    4. Sanity. Crazy is unattractive. Emotional outbursts are unattractive.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Quantity: versatility, frequency of offerings, diversity of emotional and physical provisioning.
      Quality: the value of offerings and provisioning.

      Betas focus on quantity: more resources, more time, more versatile, look at all I have. Whereas Alphas focus on quality: ten minutes of my time is worth his car.

      Bitter women focus on quality: as a woman I am too valuable to need to develop myself. Wifely women focus on quantity: I cannot rely on looks alone to lock down an Alpha, I must show off my homemaking skills, my pleasant attitude and my willingness to rear his children.

      In order to get a good LTR, women must advertise our extra qualities, as our highest quality is almost unimproveable and well-advertised. In order to get a good female, men must advertise their highest quality as their extra qualities are not as valuable as their best one.

      Like

  3. I don’t think any of the above (except displaying one’s attractiveness in public venues) is “dread” in the way that the menfolk mean it. It’s just being a female human. I’d posit that displaying female social virtues is courteous. (Certainly courtesy is no longer common). The little things that lubricate social discourse. Being consistently feminine raises your social status *with men*. (It doesn’t do a darn thing for status with your fellow women, who more readily evaluate one another on looks and material goods, as well as accomplishments appropriate to the venue).

    The way we reduce all of social interaction to the SMV is an oversimplification. Your vlog in regards to sexbots nails some of that very nicely. If what’s between my legs is all I’ve got going, I’m in serious trouble. But that hasn’t *ever* been all I’ve brought to the table. And just being bedded isn’t something I’ve ever had as a goal in my life. Ew.

    No one is going to *win* the war of the sexes. Male and female we were created, and we were made to fill in the blank spots, drive each other crazy with the bits that just don’t make sense, and mature and grow and bless one another throughout a lifespan. We weren’t created to compete with one another – we were created to complete one another.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Beautifully put. 🙂 I think the main reason we’re averse to dread, as a concept, from either side is because it sounds manipulative. But showing our value is, as you say, part of being men and women. And if it staves off complacency, I will gladly be “manipulative” and accept “manipulation”. :p

      Liked by 1 person

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