“Look at what we say, not what we do…”

Something I find odd when discussing human attraction is how many lies we tell. From the women who “don’t like bad boys” who seem to attract nothing but bad boys, to the men who “will take anything” who balk at the idea of a particularly ugly or old woman, humans claim to understand our own attraction and try and sugarcoat it or lie about it until the world believes us.

And one of these lies that is sorely unaddressed is this one: “I would rather be in a relationship with an emotionally, mentally healthy person. I can spot instability when I see it. I am not attracted to people with mental and personality disorders. I prefer someone with empathy, a gentle, humanitarian outlook and a predictable behavioural pattern.”

But, the fact of the matter is, we don’t.

Men need guides on how to avoid hystrionic, borderline and narcissistic women. Women continually fall for psychopaths and sociopaths. Men and women alike are drawn to people who have grown so comfortable with depression that it manifests daily, or people who are so unstable and unpredictable they’re treading the line between schizoid and schizophrenia.

Furthermore, we overplay the severity of mental disorders and underplay the disordered behaviour our partners have displayed. We assume that everyone on the bipolar spectrum acts like a person with borderline and, therefore, that our partner with bipolar II or cyclothymia is “just normal”. We assume psychopaths are all maniacal serial killers and that our partner with no empathy, extreme conceit and a coldly calculating manner is “just an ass”.

So look at what we do, not what we say.

Yeah, sure, we all insist we prefer someone “normal”. But in reality most people have dated, seriously fallen for or become obsessed with someone who was disordered.

And there are many biological reasons why mental disorders could benefit us and our future offspring. But we don’t need to go into that to see that we’re definitely attracted to them.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

12 thoughts on ““Look at what we say, not what we do…”

  1. Women cannot come to terms with their own sexuality. What attracts women are men who are violent and manipulative. Violence connotes ability to protect and manipulation connotes ability to lead. Whenever I have attempted to discuss these things, both men and women cannot accept reality.

    Women are told that they prefer men who are gentle and sensitive–men who are like ideal women. But propaganda cannot overcome biology. So women rationalize that their beloved psychopath is really a nice guy down deep. And they rationalize that the gentle, sensitive guy is really a creep down deep.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think you’re right in the simplest sense, but also falling into the false dichotomy that there is “nice, sensitive, gentle Beta schmuck” and “mean, psychopathic, violent Alpha God”.

      Women DO like nice, gentle men. But we PREFER a man with power over one who’s kind. If we can grab one who’s violent enough to seize and defend resources and manipulative enough to seize and retain authority, but also nice enough to give us an allowance to feed our babies and gentle enough to not harm them when he plays, we can’t lock him down soon enough. But such men are rare. Not because most men are pure Alpha or pure Beta, but because most men are inferior in one or more aspects. There is overlap in everyone, but any shortcomings are obvious when compared to the “perfect male” blueprint in the female mind.

      We will prioritize the violence, the power and the wit above the kindness, the gentleness and the affection. But that doesn’t mean the latter is absolute kryptonite. It’s more likely that if your violence is set at 85% of the human maximum, you simply need to keep your gentleness at 80-84%, a step below, to make sure it doesn’t look like you’re compensating. Gentleness set to 0% may be exciting at first, but would become terrifying long before sex was an option, possibly in a matter of minutes.

      And that’s the difficulty. We DO love gentle, kind, sensitive behaviour… when it comes from a man who is violent, powerful and sardonically witty. A man with the former and not the latter is a man who’s trying to hide his inadequacies with easily gained plus-points.

      It’s easy to be gentle when you have nothing else. It’s admirable to be gentle when you’re strong, dominant and intelligent.


      • +1 You’re such a detailed, spergy darlin’.

        Why do women who could get men with both alpha and beta traits stick with Dark Triad men? And please don’t say that they’re broken….

        Why do women screw or want to screw high status men when it will be a One and Done event? The man has power. No comfort given or expected. And almost AWALT, including Mrs. Gamer.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Because the men don’t have ENOUGH. If you’ve got 50% comfort, 50% dread, then that’s not enough. You need a bias to dread and to be right up near 100% on every trait.

        And most women can’t get the men that are 80% comfort and 90% dread. These men are in far too high demand. If they could, they would leap instantly.


  2. I agree with you. Many men and women are attracted to unhealthy relationships. I cannot speak for women (although I have theories), but I can tell you why men are drown to unstable women.
    I have worked in a primarily male field for over 20 years. In that time I have seen more than a few co-workers and friends in relationships with unstable women. These men will tell you story after story about how this woman is making their lives miserable, causing legal and financial problems, and causing strife in the family. When you ask why they put up with it, the response will always be some form of “the sex is incredible.” Even my wife, who works in a primarily female field, will tell you “the crazy ones are popular with men because of the sex.” As a man who has been blessed with wife about as even keeled as they come, I cannot relate to living a life with that much drama. However, if even half the sex stories are true, I do understand as a man why a man may put up with some craziness. Access to that kind and volume of sex is not available to the average man.

    So, it appears women are mesmerized by the lure of the bad boy, and men by the sexual buffet. I think in both cases it often leads back to low self esteem…

    Once again, excellent observations on an interesting subject.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your insights. It’s quite likely that the sexual intensity of “crazy” has something to do with the “sexy sons” theory: the idea that females (and some males) reproduce with the main goal being producing a son who’s a sex machine, thereby spreading their genes further. If crazy generally means great sex, more sex and therefore more babies, why not have crazy children?

      Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve been married 30+ years. I used to behave with more beta traits than I currently do. Mrs. Gamer was much more even-keeled for the first 25 years and the sex after the first couple of years was uninspiring. Now I live more for me and Mrs. Gamer is more cray-cray and the sex is much better. I go out dancing solo weekend nights, for example. Mrs. Gamer flirts with me constantly unless she is unhappy because I didn’t smash one of her loyalty tests. Mrs. Gamer instigates for sex frequently.

      I think that all women are capable of being cray-cray and will be so with men who are more alpha.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Just Say No To Crazy | Suburbanmanlife

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