Because a little introspection goes a long way. I am more often one to point out where women “in general” fall short or to excuse myself where I am the exception. But some accountability needs to be taken regarding my more common traits, after all, I’m a blogger, not a saint, and only human, only female. Here are five examples that are neither exaggerations, nor the be-all-and-end-all of my AWALTing.
1: Mirror mirror…
I am vain. Unbelievably vain. Possibly unnaturally vain. Just because I wear makeup rarely and am happy to get covered in dirt, being the tomboy I am, doesn’t mean I’m not vain. I still look in every shiny surface I can, whenever I have a second. I still untag myself in unflattering photos, to the point where I can hardly find a single picture from when I was fat. I still obsess over my body, checking it again and again for imperfections that have reduced, increased, appeared or disappeared. I believe I am quite high on the attractiveness scale, but enough is never enough and I aim to be perfect.
2: Babies at any cost.
Although I know, on a conscious level, that Jon and I have a plan and we’re sticking to it for practical reasons, I still get impulses and strange thoughts about impregnation, pregnancy and babies. I wouldn’t act on them, but the idea of getting pregnant is a thrill for me and the thought of a broken condom or even forgetting to use one is exciting. When the urge passes, I’m actually grateful that I resisted it, but the drive to breed is very, very strong.
3: Rough is fun.
Sure, sometimes gentleness is nice. And I often enjoy being the giver of roughness as much as the receiver. But I prefer when Jon is a bit aggressive and dominant. It’s much more fun that way. I love watching him lift weights, the smell of his sweat when he’s been working out and seeing how huge his hands are compared to mine. Even on a nonsexual level, these things are pleasant, exciting and relaxing at once.
4: His money or my money?
Just because I am savings-obsessed doesn’t mean I don’t start, in my mind, labeling his resources as “technically mine”. It just manifests differently. I won’t demand that he buy me things, instead I will aim to see him spend as little as possible. I thought I had it worked out at first: I let him buy what he wants for himself and don’t ask him for anything, so that’s about right, yes? Then I realized that I still try and control. I try and stop him from getting me things, to reduce expenses. I insist I don’t want something or need something that he wants to get me, however cheap or useful it would be. It’s taken a bit of effort, but I’m trying to let that side of myself go a little more. It’s his money and it’s up to him to decide whether or not he’s getting me an expensive jar of coffee or some flowers. I don’t make that decision: it’s not my money.
Thankfully Jon doesn’t see this as a bad thing, but my nesting drive is immense. Again, like with vanity and resources, just because it manifests differently doesn’t mean it isn’t there. I may still be a tomboy and arrange our favourite films in a display or leave his childhood trinkets on the mantlepiece or TV stand, but I need to make things comfortable, pleasing to the eye and tidy, tidy, tidy. Sometimes it doesn’t bother me as much. But other times the urge to nest hits and all of a sudden everything is wrong and I start stressing about hoovering, mopping, wiping down and sorting everything. Which must get a bit tedious, but I genuinely can’t relax until I’m done.
And those are five ways in which I AWALT, five aspects of me (and not the only five) that are pretty much standard female behaviour and mentality. Behaviour and mentality that many men find tedious and annoying. I’m grateful that Jon either doesn’t mind or enjoys these traits because some of them are quite firmly rooted too!
Extending the challenge to any more RP readers. What are five ways in which you AWALT? Do you work with them, fight them or work around them?
TTFN and Happy Hunting!