Alpha girls, Sigma girls.

The concept of the Alpha is pretty elusive, if you ask me. So, for the purposes of the essay, here is my outline of what an Alpha makes:

  1. Social dominance. No matter how rich, muscular, charismatic, witty, skilled or intelligent a man is, if he can’t handle a social situation and remain on top by the end, he is, by the very animal definition, not an Alpha. Humans are social animals and Alphas are leaders of humans.
  2. Attractive. Again, the Alpha will be attractive to women. We want a guy who is safe and, on a primal level, we all feel that the most socially dominant man is the safest. Under his protection, we are also under the protection of the tribe.
  3. Respected. It should go without saying that an Alpha’s social dominance comes from respect primarily. I wouldn’t say his dominance can’t come from fear as well, after all, nobody is universally liked and fear goes a long way to cultivating respect in dissenters. But fear should not be the main, let alone the only, source of power.

What about everything else? What about good looks, money, wit, intellect, socially approved traits, muscles, sexual reach, skills, charisma…? Well, these are all Alpha Indicators, ie, signs that a man is socially dominant, attractive and respected. They are the outward signs that he has the three key traits. And, to be Alpha, he must prove he has the three main traits. Otherwise he isn’t an Alpha, he is just a fake-it-til-you-make-it, or a simple fake with no aspiration to more. Neither is necessarily bad, but neither is dominant, desired or respected.

Then we have the Sigmas. I believe the concept emerged from Alpha Game Plan’s expansion of the Alpha-Beta false dichotomy and is the term for an introverted Alpha. The best way I’ve heard Sigmas summed up is from a natural Sigma, my husband:

“The Sigma is the Alpha who does not.”

A Sigma has the three required traits of an Alpha:

  1. He has social dominance, as he can easily lead, control and support a community.
  2. He is attractive, as he is clearly dominant.
  3. He is respected, as he is dominant.

The little niggle with the Sigma is that he lacks the false flags: he has few to no Alpha Indicators. This is because, whilst the Sigma has the ability to lead, he has no desire to. And, depending on what indicators they have, Sigmas can be loosely grouped into two categories.

Sigma A: The situational Alpha.

This Sigma lacks the desire to lead because he is a rational man who understands it is beyond his abilities to handle this tribe.

Maybe he is a warlord at a time of peace. Maybe he is a wise but gentle man at a time of war.

Maybe he values his life too highly to rule over fickle barbarians. Maybe he has seen to many Alphas lose their necks to tribal disputes.

Maybe he is already the Alpha of another tribe and in this one he is simply an observer.

Maybe he is backup to keep the Alpha in his position of power, a kingmaker who reaps the rewards of royalty without sacrifice.

This Sigma enjoys wealth and enjoys helping others. He is naturally more drawn to Alpha behaviours. But he is reluctant to take on a job he can’t do well. So he will accept resources (money, land, food, women) and do his best at whatever he does, he will stand his ground against the Alpha where necessary, he will try and keep the tribe in order from the sidelines, but he will never sit on the throne.

He is socially dominant as he cannot sit by and let the tribe run itself. He is attractive because he oozes confidence and leadership skills. He is respected because he is a good leader who knows when to step up and when to back down.

He will likely have the following Alpha Indicators: wealth, charisma, socially approved traits, sexual reach.

He may lack the following Alpha Indicators: wit, intellect, looks, skills.

Sigma B: The outlier.

This Sigma lacks the desire to lead because he fails to identify or empathize with the tribes available to him.

Maybe he is a skilled specialist whose abilities lie outside the rest of the tribe.

Maybe he does not enjoy conversing with people and keeping the peace. Maybe he enjoys seeing their little failures and is entertained by their social mores.

Maybe he knows he can survive on his own and feels no motivation to pull the tribe together.

Maybe he knows that nobody will force him to join their society fully, that he can indulge in the luxury of being outside it.

This Sigma enjoys freedom and doesn’t care if he has to make himself actively unlikeable to gain it. That’s not to say he is not respected or attractive. He is both, only respect comes grudgingly and attraction comes passionately and irrationally. He prizes self-sufficiency and views himself as a contractor to his society, rather than as a bonded leader. He has a close and relaxed relationship with the Alpha and generally they respect each other enough to assist in keeping each other’s position.

He is socially dominant as others constantly turn to him for advice, settling scores and other tasks of leadership that demand impartiality. He is attractive because he is mysterious yet dominant, he is outside, yet safe. He is respected because he is dominant and provides value.

He will likely have the following Alpha Indicators: wit, skills, intellect, charisma.

He may lack the following Alpha Indicators: looks, wealth, socially approved traits, sexual reach.

So, now we progress onto girls. All women like men who possess the three Alpha traits. They are safe, they are reproductively viable and they are useful. But not all women want the true Alpha. The true Alpha comes with many conditions. He is sexually gregarious and the prime target of other women’s fantasies, he is loud and domineering, he is a target for violence. The true Alpha is not an easy man to live with if a woman wants a quiet, drama-free home life.

So introverted women will naturally gravitate towards the less obvious men when given an option.

Imagine a tribe with an Alpha who has every Alpha Indicator, a Sigma who is a warlord at a time of peace and a Sigma who is the local sage.

A woman who wants an active social life, who doesn’t mind sharing her husband if that’s what it comes to, who understands danger and enjoys the risks, who wants all the money, all the fame and all the power, such a woman will aim for the Alpha.

A woman who wants a quiet life, who doesn’t mind sharing her husband, who understands that some day he may be called to action, who wants money, a little fame and less risk, such a woman will aim for the warlord Sigma.

A woman who wants a quiet life, who wants to keep her husband as exclusive as possible, who wants her husband to be safe from all danger, who has no care for money or fame as long as her husband can keep her provided for, such a woman will aim for the sage Sigma.

So, whether you’re a man or a woman, if you look at the penniless ugly man with the hot wife, at the small-time uneducated musician with his own teen harem or at the resource-poor loner with the devoted housewife and wonder why none of these girls are chasing an Alpha… well, perhaps they are more the Sigma kind of girl.

TTFN and Happy Hunting.

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9 thoughts on “Alpha girls, Sigma girls.

    • Warren Beatty strikes me as the outlier type. He does not cater to society, his goals in life and aspirations were not linked to the cultivation of his tribe but of himself, he is witty, very talented, but fails to display approved social behaviours or lorde his wealth to the press. He was acceptable looking in his youth (but hardly above average, imho) and had sexual reach, but his main sources of power were charisma and talent, rather than a choice to lead or to please the people. He makes a good director and writer now he’s a bit quieter with his acting career and he was good at football and a reportedly a good soldier. He kept his options in life wide open and did not need the support of any one group of people to succeed. In a wild-type scenario, he would have been the storyteller, the witch doctor or the wanderer: an outlier.

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  1. My wife says I’m the Outlier. The Sigma Sage, as it were, although I wouldn’t mind being the warlord on weekends or holidays. But not as a full-time gig – all the yelling and shouting and messy smiting of enemies gets old quick.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The warlord type fits into so many other roles, too, though. I knew a goth guy once who was viewed with more respect than any of the alternative teens around. Turns out he was the natural Alpha among other goth kids and just didn’t care about changing his clothing or attitude to fit in with the more mainstream people he studied and worked with.

      The defining trait is that the situational Alpha is a Sigma because he chooses not to lead FOR NOW. The outlier is a Sigma because he chooses not to lead EVER if he can prevent it.

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  2. Thanks for posting this. I love discovering the nuances hiding in either-or dichotomies like this. Most everything else I’ve read on the subject seems to assume that any man without overt Alpha qualities is its antithesis by default. I recognize the outlier qualities in myself. Now the important question: Do Sigma girls like to chase or be chased?

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    • All girls like to feel desired, wanted, tempted. All girls benefit from being with a man whom they chase. Only issue is, Sigmas do pretty much none of the heavy lifting. Like a high-status female, they drop crumbs of affection and hints until the female makes the first move, at which point they sweep in and take over. Some Sigmas may be more forward if there’s stiff competition, but, to be quite frank, Sigma girls, like Alpha girls, get what we’re given. :p

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  3. Pingback: Being One Of The Others. Part II. Partnering. – Your Slaviswife Is Evolving

  4. Awesome post! My boyfriend is definitely a sigma. He can step up, if he has to, but prefers being behind the scenes so that he can get away with more stuff haha! Very silly and likes to poke buttons but still very masculine — in his own unique ways. More sage sigma, I think!

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    • Definitely. 😀 Situational Alphas tend to enjoy leadership but are unwilling to lead unless they are 100% suited to the role. Sage Sigmas tend to prefer to sit back and watch the world roll by.

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