Rough Play Is A Requirement.

I am not sure where the idea that women are frail and delicate and need to be handled like fine porcelain or sugar sculptures came from. But it seems pretty pervasive.

From the occasional radical feminist who claims BDSM sex, or even light, playful wrestling, is somehow male dominance and aggression to the PUAs who walk about Kino as though any guy, without direction, would either never touch a woman or accidentally break her, it seems that men touching women “too much” or “too harshly” or “not enough” or “not gently enough” or just not “the right way” is a generally accepted idea. And although this idea has merit when talking about a man and a woman who do not know each other well, some people carry it into marriage, or for their whole lives.

But roughness isn’t just a welcome facet to sexual encounters and other intimate times: on many levels it is a requirement. This is just from personal observation and reading around, but the more I look, the clearer it seems to me that most women, myself included, crave an amount of action, physicality and yes, roughness with our partners. There are two scales for this: playfulness and force. On the playfulness scale we have a range from friendly, through toying, teasing, sensual, sexual, dominating, right up to serious, which may be taking it too far. Friendly roughness might be pushing someone aside, sensual roughness is guiding them directly by moving their body like a puppet, serious roughness would be bordering on actual violence. On the force scale we have playing limp, equalizer, controlled, overpowering and full force. Playing limp is passive resistance, equalizer is matching their power, controlled is allowing for push and pull, overpowering is just enough to take over and full force is using all your strength.

And everyone’s needs will vary on both scales. Some women will prefer friendly, equalized roughness. Some will prefer teasing, limp roughness. Some will prefer dominating, full force roughness. It is necessary to understand this to see what I’m trying to say. Not all women want to be completely dominated and thrown around the room. But some form of rough play seems essential to a healthy sex life for the vast majority of us.

[NSFW links.]

Some women end up with gentle men, but still have a desire for domination.

Some women enjoy the most intense forms of abuse and neglect.

Some women just want to be chased a little bit.

But on some level most women want it. And, from my personal observation, it goes beyond a want into an actual need. The more I read and the more I observe my own needs, the more I see that rough sex, when desired, is not something meekly being suggested to “spice things up”. More often than not, it’s something these women want regularly, the standard for the sex they crave. Even those of us who have only been with one man, who has always been at the same level of intensity, will crave a pre-calibrated amount of roughness. It’s not about what we fancy, about curiosity, about boredom or about something we used to get. It seems to be, quite simply, an inbuilt need.


TTFN and Happy Hunting.


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6 thoughts on “Rough Play Is A Requirement.

  1. I’m normally not into rough sex (too vaudeville) but one time I delighted my then girlfriend by tying her hands to the bedhead with a couple of my ties. I was afraid of tying them up too tight – no one wants a girlfriend with hands that have dropped off – so I left them loose. She could have slipped out of them at any time. Things got even more ridiculous after our writhing caused the ties to loosen further. In fact they pretty much came off and my girlfriend was just leaving her hands up by the bedhead out of politeness.
    Ah, rough sex. You need a sense of humor to pull it off.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Gotta play your part in the rape fantasy. All girls have that fantasy to some degree. Rough sex plays into that fantasy. Your gf kept her hands by the bedhead because she wanted to maintain her rape fantasy.

      Even if you as a man don’t like rough sex, become a good actor and be playful. Girls like the pirate, the highwayman, the sneaky fucker, the handyman, etc.

      Liked by 1 person

    • The fantasy was very much ingrained in her head at that point. It was too much fun to let go. Sometimes we like something weirder and convince ourselves of it, however unbelievable the fantasy is. Humans are funny animals, aren’t we?


  2. Oh how I miss my Axel. Practice seriously makes perfect and he had it. That wonderful primal connection. That said, if I’m not feeling it, or otherwise have all brain chemicals going then rough play does nothing for me. However, with Axel, that lack of desire never happened. Just a look from him would get my brain chemicals going. First we established the connection, and then we started to explore. These things don’t come out of a box with an instruction manual. Trust isn’t a given. Nowadays my standards are way too high or at least specialized I think. Getting into just the right groove has that risk I suppose.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t think there’s wrong with consensual BDSM/rape fantasy/whatever, as long as no one’s boundaries are being violated. But “requirement” (in general, not for specific people) seems to be a bit far.

    I’m not into being dominated myself, and don’t find dominant men appealing. Maybe I could do the “friendly and equalized” roughness because I wouldn’t feel dominated, but it’s still not something I fantasize about. I wouldn’t use that to say that no one does, though, because it’s just my own preference.

    Maybe people should talk to their partners and actually find out what they want, rather than just saying “everyone likes this.”

    Liked by 1 person

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