Men Like Capable Women.

However much we discuss the nuances of female desire, it seems almost taboo to discuss the subtleties of male desire. The assumption is that men care only about bodies, or ought to care about personality, that men should simply be happy and grateful to get a woman’s attention at all and that they are simple beings who want simple things.

I have already touched on the subject of intellect and desire before, in that humans, being brainy creatures, do desire intellect, just not in the exclusionary and simple way intellect is commonly presented.

But there is yet another nuance to male desire and intelligence which is rarely if ever addressed. As mentioned, most men do want a smart woman, even if an IQ score or a PhD isn’t what’s going to get you a declaration of undying love. And a key part of being a smart woman is to be capable. That means that whatever your IQ or education, you need to be using every ounce of brain to handle your life like an adult.

You could have an IQ of 145, three PhDs, make great money, and even be a solid 9/10 on top, but if you are constantly in debt despite your income, battling a prescription meds habit, and unable to keep your own living space at least hygienic, then you’re not going to draw anyone in for a long term deal. Quite simply, you have great genes, but you’re a shoddy partner.

Men, much like women, prefer it when the person they are dating is a capable, functional human being. Men like it when a woman is smarter and prettier, as that means better genes for their children. But the thing that persuades them to invest long-term is when a woman is an asset to their lives, not just to their offspring. The woman who can save money regardless of income, the woman who can polish up and dish out regardless of looks, the woman who can handle her paperwork and DIY and home regardless of intellect, these women get a bigger boost from their skills.

Of course, being a capable high earner with great looks and a high IQ will put you ahead of a capable low earner with worse looks and an average IQ. But the second woman will blow a less capable woman of almost any walk of life out of the water.

And besides, you needn’t even do it for your (extant or potential] partner. You can’t change your IQ, looks or luck by much. But making sure you have your life together will do wonders for your ability to enjoy it.

So ask yourself how much you can handle on your own, what you can’t handle, and why. It’s the first step towards a happier life and a happier man.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

 

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.
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FitFriday, FatFriday XVII. More tests.

Baby.

Turns out this was the check and the scan was due in November. Hoping it’s something and nothing, but after a few checks the midwife said I would definitely need a scan sooner and bumped it up to Wednesday. A bit nervous, but at the same time she said he was strong and active and responsive, so hopefully all is well and it’s just how I carry him.

Diet.

Still keeping low GI and focusing on getting all the protein and calcium I can. Being a bit less cautious about body fat deposits, probably because the smallness of the bump is starting to worry me. Then again, getting fatter isn’t going to make him grow any faster, so I’m not sure what I’m doing. Hopefully once I am reassured I can make a bit more sense of my eating habits.

Weights.

Still managing to get the odd session in, through gardening, worries, very sore lower abs and managing to catch some sort of a throat virus from our friends last time we saw them. The weight isn’t going up fast, but at least it’s headed back to where it was before it crashed.

To be honest I’m feeling far too tired and anxious to give much more of a report.

How did your week in fitness go?

Seeded Autumn Loaf.

Because however much I’m eating low-GI foods, there’s no way I’m going low carb with this appetite. :p And who doesn’t love a warm slice of bread and butter when the weather starts to turn cold? Just need to top it with some elderberry jam and pair it with a nice hot choc…

spiced autumn bread recipe

Ingredients.

  • 500g/17.5oz wholegrain flour
  • 1.5tsp baking powder
  • 1tsp cinnamon
  • 1tsp salt
  • 1/2tsp cayenne pepper
  • 1-1.5 cups of nuts and seeds (I used walnuts, brazils, sunflower seeds and pinenuts in equal porportions]
  • 2 eggs
  • water as needed
  • 2tbsp honey (optional]
  • seeds for topping (optional]

Utensils.

  • mixing bowl and spoon
  • loaf tin

Recipe.

  1. Preheat the oven to 160C/320F.
  2. Mix the dry ingredients thoroughly together.
  3. Mash in the egg and honey.
  4. Slowly incorporate cold water until the mix is a batter.
  5. Pour into a cake tin. Top with seeds.
  6. Bake until a skewer comes out clean. Ours took 45min, but it depends on how deep your cake tin is, how heavy your flour and how runny your batter. Far more variable than other loaves I have made!

Serve with butter and either cold cuts or jam. Or both.

Bonus: the last scraps from the garden. ^^

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For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.

Autoandrophilia, or “Penis Envy”.

The idea of “penis envy” is thrown around a lot. And, in its simplest form it’s a ridiculous notion, that women, or some women, have an intrinsic desire to grow a random appendage we’ve never owned. However, on a more complex level, it is absolutely true.

Almost all humans have a drive to breed, to recreate ourselves, to reproduce. And although not all humans experience it this way, to the majority of people that means a desire for heterosexual reproduction: the union of a man and a woman resulting in offspring. Which means the majority of people desire the opposite sex. So men want vaginas and hips and breasts and wombs, and women want muscles and penises and testicles. We also desire for that offspring to be provided for, so men and women alike want an abundance of food, a secure home and a fair weather environment.

In a natural situation, men seek this from women and women seek it from men.

But this is not a natural situation. Today men fear women and women fear men. We’re encouraged to. We all also fear children and reproducing and sharing our resources. So the natural path of pairing up with someone who possessed what we need, making offspring with them and raising that offspring together is scary to many modern Western people.

And what is a modern Western person to do?

Well, in the past when men did not provide resources women would work. And in societies where breastfeeding is difficult some men have redeveloped the ability to breastfeed. Reproduction finds a way. Therefore, in a society where men are scary, women seek to replace them. Women want to own their own muscles and penis and testes. Women want to earn their own keep, support themselves, be their own partner and guide and guardian. Because men are too scary to provide this. Hence: penis envy. Few Western women want to grow an actual penis. But many want to replace the man it’s attached to with something less scary. A sanitized IVF process. An emotionless, powerless dildo. Something that meets the need without having a man at the other end of it. And they will idealize themselves as masculine, even when objectively they are not. Even when genuinely masculine women scare them as much as men do. Because they want the security and the human sexual duality. But they don’t want the man it’s attached to.

As part and parcel of the process, Western men also have an amount of “womb envy”. They still want to reproduce, to pass on their genes, to enjoy the company of women and to create excess resources and shower them down on their infants. But as women and reproduction are scary, men seek proxies. Men want their own breasts and hips and vaginas. Men seek to replace the womb with a sterile process such as adoption or artificial wombs. Men accumulate resources but are loathe to part with the excess because they have no trust in infants. Women and children are too scary to be part of their lives. So they seek to replace them on their own.

Which leads us back to autoandrophilia and autogynophilia: the attraction to yourself as the opposite sex. As we live in a world where everything to do with reproduction is too scary, Western humans seek sufficiency. And that sufficiency, in its most extreme form, is replacing the thing we desire. If we had the bodies we desire, then we would not feel pressured to venture out and interact with scary people to get what we want from them. Therefore, at the end of the day, “penis envy” and “womb envy” is simply autoandrophilia and autogynophilia: the idea that you would make a much sexier man or woman than any real person.

And when you start to see it, you see it everywhere.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

 

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.

FitFriday, FatFriday XVI. Smallish bump, happy baby?

Baby.

Hoping so, anyways. Getting to that point where everyone who hears I’m at almost 30 weeks does a double take. I’m not exactly teeny. Seen smaller bumps in my age group just paranoia-browsing a little. But reactions are starting to mess with me. Jon keeps reassuring me that the bump will grow and/or the next scan on Tuesday will show the baby is strong and healthy. Well, he sure kicks like he is, anyway!

pic pic2

Doesn’t help much that the midwife said I was measuring a few weeks small last time, though…

Diet.

I found out that it isn’t only diabetes that shrinks a baby’s hippocampus in the third trimester, but pretty much all junk food habits. So after taking it easy in an effort to “correct” the bump, it looks like I’ll be ramping up the strictness for a bit. Perhaps if I control my blood sugar enough I can reduce or eliminate the risk of my son inheriting some form of bipolar. Which would be awesome. The less rubbish he has to deal with the better.

So it’s root veggies, greens, plenty of protein, getting shot of the last remnants of dairy, healthy fats and the odd bit of home-made bread. Essentially back to clean eating 101 for the next ten weeks or so.

Workout.

Still been busy in the garden and the likes, but Jon thinks I’ve calmed down enough to get back to weights. Which is just as well, because they were starting to drop. Pretty angry at myself about that, but on the other hand I am pregnant, so perhaps it’s expected I won’t be throwing the better part of my body weight around every day.

Hopefully I can either build back up now, slam the weights once I’m recovered from childbirth, or do a bit of both and get back on track ASAP. Not that I’m looking any less muscled, but any drop in physical power concerns me.

pic3

Proofs. Guns (and triceps, deltoids, quads and calves] still there, just no ammo apparently.

Then again, perhaps the muscle is the main reason for the small bump. Compression or something? If that’s the case I’m unsure whether to take it easier or to keep working out. The scan will give me some idea.

How did your week in fitness go?

Dwarf Damson Tarts.

Called “dwarf” because this is the shortest pastry you can make without it being a crumble!

Ingredients:

For the pastry:

  • 200g sugar
  • 200g butter
  • 300g flour
  • 1 egg
  • cinnamon to taste

For the filling:

  • 300g damsons
  • 200g sugar

Utensils:

  • mixing bowl and fork
  • small pot and wooden spoon
  • tart tray, greased or nonstick

Recipe:

  1. Thoroughly blend the sugar and butter. Leave to rest.
  2. Stone and dice the damsons and put them in a pot on a low heat. Wait until they release some juice before turning the heat up. Stew them down as much as possible, and remember to keep stirring.
  3. When the damsons are fully softened, add the sugar and bring the mix to a boil. Set aside to cool.
  4. Mix the flour and egg into the sugar and butter. Divide evenly between 12 tart spaces and make sure the walls are reasonably high.
  5. Spoon some warm damson mix into each casing. Don’t overfill as any bubbling will make the tarts impossible to remove from the tray. They are far too short to withstand rought handling!
  6. Bake at 160C for 25 minutes. The casings should still be soft, but should not dent too easily.
  7. Fully cool before removing and serving.

These were awesome to eat and have motivated me to try and use up all my jam and pie-filling jars this year. Wish me luck! ^^

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

 

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.

Living with humans.

Living with people is hard. Even harder when you are introverted, not highly emotive, and overly practical about how to run your life. Even harder when your lifestyle is markedly alternative. But living with people can be handled.

As briefly mentioned last week, we were thinking of moving in with relatives and it fell through. And one of the reasons for it was quite simply that we felt we could not live with them at all. Their lifestyle clashed with ours, but there was a requirement that we merge our lives. And every pressure was put on us to change our own behaviours and accept the behaviours of the people we were moving in with. Which I suppose is fair enough, as they were there first. But neither Jon nor I are ready to change our lives so dramatically for anything or anyone. And the levels of drama were, quite frankly, massively above what we can tolerate, which, incidentally, is “as close to zero as possible”. So why try at all? Quite simply, we didn’t actually expect to have to change so much.

You see, we comfortably “live” with a couple we’re friends with semi regularly. We’ve had sleepovers, shared hotels, and our last holiday involved a solid week of houseshare. And although even arranging a single visit or day with the relatives was a nightmare, somehow living for a week with our friends was easy. We could do basic housework, arrange meals together, go places and even schedule my work and medical emergencies and shopping, all without a single falling out. So what gives? Why can we do that with them, but not our own family?

The core difference actually comes down to independence versus agreeability. Jon and I both have a strong desire to be independent, both as individuals and as a couple. So we aim to do as much as we can on our own. We also would rather things got done than did not, so we’re both agreeable as long as the work that needs to get done is getting done, but not at all agreeable when delays occur. And our friends are very much the same. They want to do their own thing and they want to do it in peace. So even though we were living together and doing things together, ultimately we were still operating as individuals and we were agreeable so as to enable all of us to continue operating as individuals.

Meanwhile, the main sources of conflict with the family were based around dependence and a need for agreeability beyond comfort. They were demanding to be informed of every aspect of our lives, insisting on helping us rather than letting us hire someone to do work, and getting upset whenever we chose to do something on our own. They were essentially demanding a merge of lives, a loss of independence to us. Share the dogs, let them take care of XYZ, put their needs first. And being highly emotive people, whenever we sought independence over communialism, they became upset. So rather than focusing on a problem, such as the dog needing somewhere to stay but them being unable to keep up their promises, or the solution, such as finding someone else to take care of her, we were expected to first and foremost focus on how we hurt their feelings throughout the situation. In other words, we were expected to be dependent on them and to be agreeable towards them. It was the complete opposite of our relationship with our friends.

I’m sure many people are happy to live with people who they are dependent on and agreeable towards. But ultimately, to avoid drama, you and the people you live with need to agree on your levels of interdependence and agreeability. Whether you want to lead completely isolated lives under the same roof or whether one of you will be completely dependent, you need to agree on that. And whether you want to handle everything bluntly or whether you need people to be sensitive to your emotions, you need to agree on that.

People can live together when they lead completely different lives. They cannot live together when their socializing patterns are completely different.

Let that be a lesson to all: before living with people, discuss dependence levels and how agreeable you need to be to each other. Because drama doesn’t come from disagreements, conflicting beliefs or busy lives. Drama comes from differing neediness.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

 

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.