Men Like Capable Women.

However much we discuss the nuances of female desire, it seems almost taboo to discuss the subtleties of male desire. The assumption is that men care only about bodies, or ought to care about personality, that men should simply be happy and grateful to get a woman’s attention at all and that they are simple beings who want simple things.

I have already touched on the subject of intellect and desire before, in that humans, being brainy creatures, do desire intellect, just not in the exclusionary and simple way intellect is commonly presented.

But there is yet another nuance to male desire and intelligence which is rarely if ever addressed. As mentioned, most men do want a smart woman, even if an IQ score or a PhD isn’t what’s going to get you a declaration of undying love. And a key part of being a smart woman is to be capable. That means that whatever your IQ or education, you need to be using every ounce of brain to handle your life like an adult.

You could have an IQ of 145, three PhDs, make great money, and even be a solid 9/10 on top, but if you are constantly in debt despite your income, battling a prescription meds habit, and unable to keep your own living space at least hygienic, then you’re not going to draw anyone in for a long term deal. Quite simply, you have great genes, but you’re a shoddy partner.

Men, much like women, prefer it when the person they are dating is a capable, functional human being. Men like it when a woman is smarter and prettier, as that means better genes for their children. But the thing that persuades them to invest long-term is when a woman is an asset to their lives, not just to their offspring. The woman who can save money regardless of income, the woman who can polish up and dish out regardless of looks, the woman who can handle her paperwork and DIY and home regardless of intellect, these women get a bigger boost from their skills.

Of course, being a capable high earner with great looks and a high IQ will put you ahead of a capable low earner with worse looks and an average IQ. But the second woman will blow a less capable woman of almost any walk of life out of the water.

And besides, you needn’t even do it for your (extant or potential] partner. You can’t change your IQ, looks or luck by much. But making sure you have your life together will do wonders for your ability to enjoy it.

So ask yourself how much you can handle on your own, what you can’t handle, and why. It’s the first step towards a happier life and a happier man.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!


For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.

8 thoughts on “Men Like Capable Women.

  1. Oh, amen to this! Men really do like intelligent, capable, and strong women. Now of course there are people who try to lord their intelligence over you, or who are so strong and independent, there is no room for anyone else in their lives, so that is not good. But basically it’s true.

    Men who are confident and strong in their own selves, often seek out intelligent women. I think it might even be more common than we believe. I actually went after my hubby desiring something more akin to protection and provision, kindness and strength. Intelligence wasn’t even on my radar. He however, was actually just looking for someone cute and intelligent. 🙂

    I also think intelligence is not dominance, it is not superiority, so it is not like, “I’m smarter so I’m the boss.” To confuse things even more, there are many kinds of intelligence, so while I exceed at what hubby calls “book learning”, he can lay these beautiful, spiral hardwood floors in a round room, something that requires all this spatial reasoning and geometry.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Damn right. I’ve been saying this for years. I usually get one of two responses from women though. It’s either an incredulous look as if I’m talking a language nobody can decipher, or it’s along the lines of “oh, I don’t doubt that’s what you want, but I know what other men want…”

    On the flip side, the quickest way to earn a man’s resentment is to demonstrate that you are not capable of making a decision for yourself about anything, and rely on him to do everything for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Handing over decisions is another one where we women need to try and understand the subtleties. On the one hand, we are less decisive because we genuinely care less about little things or even larger issues than men seem to. But on the other hand, both pretending to be more decisive or confident and being too wishy-washy can get on a guy’s nerves. I find things run better when I make decisions I care about and just hand things over immediately when I can’t decide. I know he prefers it when I sort things out on my own, but asking him to make a choice for me comes miles before the “take 5 hours working it out technique”. Whether the end result is my choice or his choice, reaching that agreement ASAP is the priority.


  3. We are simple creatures who want simple things!

    Physical appearance is what initially attracts many of us to you. Intelligence and personality draw us in even more. And so does sex!

    But at some point it also includes dependability and commitment. Maybe even more important to us as the years pass by.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Truth! When Jon and I started talking we were genuinely friends. But seeing what each other looked like was a catalyst to a relationship. And after investing into a relationship we are now bonded so it would be incredibly hard if not impossible to separate us. Three completely different types of love. It doesn’t mean they can’t come together in one relationship, but it DOES mean that investing too heavily in one at the expense of the other two may result in less bonding.


  4. Hello, Alice. Superslaviswife.

    I uh — killed my last website. You were following me. You might want to check out my new website in a few days when I get it up and running.

    I might be a little less hostile and supremely arrogant this time around. See if I am at:

    That’s my actual name, if you care to know.

    Liked by 1 person

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