Relationships tend to be a bit biased in terms of attention. There is always someone who gives a little too much and someone who gives a little too little. But somewhere in that many people find a balance and feel good about themselves. Most couples can at least work around this, but sometimes a couple is so uneven that one side is smothering the other.
Men who smother tend to offer large volumes of gifts and carefully planned events, they tend to shower their partner in affection and feed them as much as possible, they don’t want to leave their partner’s side.
Women who smother tend to be overly protective of their partner, get jealous of every female around their partner, display their dominance and, again, won’t leave their partner’s side.
And the interesting thing, is that these men and women don’t actually want to treat their partner like that. They feel bad about it, get stressed over it… so why do they do it to begin with?
My theory is this: they smother the way they want to be smothered.
People who smother are often insecure, have inferiority issues and are desperately in love with their partner. But because they feel like less, they are desperate to feel wanted.
Men who smother don’t want to smother. They want to actually be smothered by their partner, in almost the exact same way they deliver the smothering. They want food and gifts from their partner. They want their partner to initiate physical contact and reciprocate.
Women who smother don’t want to smother. They want to actually be smothered by their partner, in almost the exact same way they deliver the smothering. They want to be protected jealously. They want their partner to initiate rough sex and guard them from danger.
And they put on the smothering act in an attempt to give their partner a clue. They’re saying “look at this, isn’t it great? do this for me”. They believe that if they smother enough they will be smothered back and will find value in themselves.
But the thing they miss is that their partner doesn’t enjoy the smothering. Their partner generally feels overwhelmed and makes an effort never to smother them back. They make an effort to get and give some space. Which makes the smotherer feel more insecure, more nervous and more unwanted. So they redouble their efforts.
Eventually these relationships run their course.
And many smotherers eventually get a clue of their own and move onto a healthier way of displaying love and attracting affection.
But not before leaving a trail of confused, hurt and concerned ex partners and old friends behind them.
TTFN and Happy Hunting!