It isn’t wicked to be an enabler, just misdirected.

It is often too easy to see the flaws in a behaviour and not the healthy points at the root of it. Enabling is one of those behaviours where the healthy components are often overlooked.

When we call someone an enabler, we usually mean “a person who encourages or enables negative or self-destructive behaviour in another”. However the primary definition in the dictionary is not that. That part comes second. The primary definition is “a person or thing that makes something possible”. And that’s something important to bear in mind.

An enabler, at their core, is someone who wants to give someone else what they want. The enabler may enable an alcoholic by buying said alcoholic more drinks when the alcoholic’s state is too bad to get out the house. The enabler will do this because they believe it is good, as it makes the alcoholic happy. They do not want the alcoholic to suffer or do badly; if they did they would be a saboteur: “a person who engages in sabotage”, to “deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something)”.

The problem therefore is in what they are enabling. They are enabling a negative habit, which in the end will cause more harm than good.

And therein lies the problem. An enabler is not a wicked person. They simply need to learn that what they are enabling is a wicked thing, that temporary happiness and praise is not a sign all is well, and often they will adjust and make efforts to enable more positive traits.

Enabling, once redirected, is a marvellous and powerful thing. Housewives and the home guard enabled healthy men to go to war when it was required. Kelly Ann Conway enabled Trump to portray himself well to the media. General Curtis LeMay enabled the Berlin Airlift. Objectively, in all cases everyone involved benefitted from their enabling.

So don’t fear being an enabler. Just ask yourself if you’re doing it for the feels or for the results.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

What things have you enabled in the past? In what ways have you been enabled, for better or for worse?

 

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.
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Everything Dies Beautifully

As humans, we have a healthy appreciation for creation, birth, everything that is new and interesting. Which makes sense. Newborn babies, fresh fruit and innovative designs all hold promise and need to be loved and nurtured to grow and be useful to us. It gives us a sense of purpose to care for that what is new and young.

But as animals we also develop a violent aversion to it’s opposite. Destruction, death and everything that is old and samey worries us. We dislike the idea of growing old or of being hurt. But we also dislike seeing things growing old and becoming damaged. It’s as though our world is an extension of us, and we see ourselves reflected in that shirt we won’t throw away or that pet cat that died. We want everything to last forever.

The contradiction there, being of course that nothing can last forever without either becoming old or losing some interest. And nothing can be new if nothing is old. And nothing can be created without first destroying something else. Destruction, change, death and transformation are part of the process of creating new things.

A newborn life is built on thousands upon thousands of deaths, thousands of decaying, degrading bodies that break down and are reassembled into a new body. To create fire we must destroy coal and to create coal we must burn wood and to burn wood we must kill trees.

All sorts of devastating events aren’t really endings. They’re closer to recycling. Nothing can last forever in the same state because to create new things, life must first find some raw materials. Everything needs to change to keep on going, or to end and give rise to something new.

So, whilst it may shock and horrify us as animals and as humans, it’s wise to view disaster, pain, suffering, death and the slow processes that lead to them with more a sense of nostalgia than fear or sadness. After all, it’s always happening, all around us, and as life gives way to death, so does death give way to life.

TTFN and Happy Hunting.

5 Strange Ways Dress Affects Your Life.

There are many things we know clothes can, and can’t, do for us. We know that how we dress can make us attractive, associate us with a particular subculture, denote status, show off our wealth, etc. But there are other, subtler ways that dress influences us and people around us. And some of them are a little weird, but well worth knowing.

1: Your clothes change your mood and temper.

Something I have noticed about clothes is that what you wear can change how you feel on a very basic level.

For example, when I’m depressed I feel far worse when I stay in my pyjamas than when I get dressed. Why? Probably because I associate being in pyjamas all day with being in the worst state of depression.

On the other hand, when I wear more girlish clothes like my favourite brown dress, I feel happier and more excitable because I naturally associate them with innocence, girl scouts and fun.

Your clothes can actually make you feel the way you normally feel when you wear them. If you hate your work for example, you’ll probably feel worse in the type of clothes you wear for work.

2: Your clothes alter your posture and walk.

We know about this to a degree. Heels will make a woman’s hips stick out, make her steps smaller and make her arch her back backwards. Corsets will make someone walk, sit and move without bending their back.

But clothes alter our movements more subtly. When we brush against the hem of a skirt we can subconsciously start moving to avoid that brushing, for example. Or when something squeezes our hips we walk with our knees closer together. This is why you can sometimes get thigh chafing wearing a loose denim skirt but not from walking in a swimming costume.

By wearing clothes that hug your mid back, drape over your hips, free up the groin area and don’t weigh down too much on the shoulders and back we can walk more naturally, more upright and with smaller, more precise movements.

3: Your clothes change how people treat you.

And not just on the obvious level. Of course strangers will treat you differently based on whether you’re dressed as a goth, as a man, in businesswear or as a woman. But it runs deeper than that.

People will treat you subtly differently when you change tiny aspects of your clothes. When your clothes are a little bit more disheveled than usual people treat you as less significant and your words as carrying less weight. When you wear too much jewellery people can treat you as someone scatterbrained or artsy. When you wear androgynous clothing people will treat you a little more like someone of the opposite gender and a little more coldly.

But this isn’t restricted to strangers either! Even people who know you well and know how you normally dress will slightly change the way they address you based on small changes in your clothes. Wearing more black or less put-together outfits can make your friends a bit more dismissive and coddling, basically treat you more like a child. Family can put more weight on what you say when you’re in professional clothes.

How much of this is how the media teaches us to treat people and how much of it is your change in mood? I don’t know, but it’s definitely there and it’s very odd.

4: Your clothes impact on your health.

Again, we are aware of this to a degree. We know high heels are bad for you and skinny jeans may cause cellulite.

But the effect your clothes have on your health goes further. When you feel better you are less likely to be stressed and less likely to suffer stress-related illness. If you’re not depressed you are less likely to act in a defeatist manner and sabotage your happiness. So clothes that make you feel good will lead to behaviour that improves your health.

And when you wear clothes that give you good posture as well then you can end up adopting behaviours and movements that are better for your body, meaning you don’t wear yourself down physically too much.

Wearing fitted clothes that you like, associate with good things and that push your back in and your shoulders flat can result in better diet, better choices, a more solid back and an all round healthier you!

5: Your clothes can change your demeanour and confidence levels.

Tying in to everything else: what you wear can drastically change the way you carry yourself, the confidence you have and your comfort in yourself.

If you are happier in yourself, not stressed or sad or angry about anything and wearing clothes that make you feel happy and excitable, then you will have a more pleasant attitude and enjoy interacting with people more.

If you have good posture you will look confident. But confident posture helps with internal confidence. Just as forcing a smile or a laugh releases endorphines, when you walk like you’re confident, your body decides that you must be the boss.

If people treat you as someone who’s got it all together, who’s got good things to say and who’s fun and awesome to be around, then you’re definitely going to feel that they’re right after a while.

And if you’re healthier you will be proud of your physique, that extra glow on your skin and your great hair.

So choose clothes that make you feel happy, that help your posture, that get people treating you right, that improve your health and boost your confidence. Who knows? Maybe a change of wardrobe is just what you need to get your life on track after all.*

*Disclaimer: A change of wardrobe is not a solution for every problem, however cool that would be.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

What clothes make you feel great? Have you found that any items in particular make people take you seriously, or relax around you? Do tell!