It’s easy to be a defeatist.

It really is. Anyone can choose to be a defeatist. Our world is not an easy one to live in.

We’re surrounded by others, yet it’s not easy to cultivate the relationships we aspire to.

We’re surrounded by money and the wealthy, yet it’s not easy to get your slice of the pie.

We’re surrounded by amazing technology, yet we’re still suffering ill health, old age and sometimes we even have to unclog a toilet.

Boo hoo.

Sorry, but life is loads easier than it used to be. Do you think making and keeping friends was easier when we had to write letters as soon as someone lived out of town? Do you think that a young man aspiring to have a harem had to work less at it when the most viable mode of transport was the horse? Do you think married couples had less relationship maintenance to do when their options were between two suitors chosen by their parents and marriage was a lifelong, enforceable contract?

Do you think it was easy to “make it” when the average person died by 50, when taxes were decided only by the rich and when you had no access to education whatsoever? Do you think it was easy to become rich when your land and house and everything in it was officially owned by a Lord? Do you think it was easier to be healthy when we were hungry, thirsty, plagued with dysentery and leprosy and died of the flu?

We’ve got it good. We’ve got it really good.

That isn’t to say all failure is your own fault. We started out under worse stars than Paris Hilton or Donald Trump. But to pretend the modern world is some magically evil Unfairland is just the easy way out.

It’s easy to join the Church of Euthanasia, to call liberal democracy the “end of history”, to enjoy the decline, to call gender and race a social construct, to blame the Government and the aliens and the Patriarchy and Satan. It’s easy to be defeatist.

I’m not saying you can’t, or shouldn’t feel that way. Just that, as far as decisions go, you’re not being radical or amazing or transformative by saying “welp, there’s nothing I can do” and sitting back on your butt and never doing anything again.

You’re just being kind of emo.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

 

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.

The Smarts Count, How You Use Them Counts More.

A common refrain in many dating and relationship forums, as well as often in real life, is that men do not like or want smart girls, women do not like or want smart guys. Men just want sexpot bimbos and women just want obnoxious jocks. Being smart or educated just counts for nothing, guys!

Sometimes it’s phrased as a complaint towards the discriminator: “All these girls want is idiot obnoxious Chads!”

Sometimes it’s phrased as a criticism towards the would-be-partner: “Nobody needs girls to be smart, just show cleavage and smile.”

Sometimes it’s just matter of fact: “People just don’t care if you’re smart or not.”

But it’s always wrong.

You see, humans are a brain animal. That means that for eons our survival depended on being smart. For the last few million years, we have admired intelligence and it has embedded itself in our definitive “hotness ranking”, even in ways you would not imagine. For example men like women with wide hips because wide hips = higher omega storage = more omegas for baby = smarter babies, or women like men who take risks because more risks = more chance at reward = strong natural selection = if he’s alive and risk-taking, he’s smart. We are literally horny for smarts.

So what gives? If we like brains so much, why aren’t sci-fi nerds and PhD feminists and people who can recite Shakespeare backwards at the top of the sexual hierarchy?

Simple, because it’s not about the brains you have, it’s about the brains you use.

If you are a sci-fi nerd and science fiction is out of fashion, then you are signalling that you value science fiction more than you value group membership. Which rings alarm bells unless you’re chasing an Other Girl who’s into Sigmas. And in the latter case: you had better be able to chameleon your way into social settings properly before retreating to your spaceship man-cave, because even Sigmas need to survive the social order. That’s right, there’s no opt-out, you have to be social.

If you are a feminist with a PhD, you had better be young and cheerful and interested in a broad range of subjects. Because throwing away your fertility on an education and becoming bitter and jaded is a surefire way to look like a human failing at life. And if you look like you’re barely surviving life, your smarts are worthless on a sexual level, because your actions suggest your children will also barely survive life.

If you can recite Shakespeare backwards, but that is your only skill, then you are wasting your brain. It’s great to have a party trick, a gimmick, something weird and fun for starting conversations. But if that’s all there is to you… then what are your survival prospects? How will you feed a baby? What genes will your descendants inherit? If you’re legitimately smart, you need to start using your brain for more than just gimmicks. And if you can’t afford to learn some equally important skills alongside your reverse barding, then maybe you’re not smart enough to pull that stunt off.

And that’s the crux of it. If you desperately want to have sex, get married, have kids perhaps, then the smart thing to do would be to work out how and do it. Perhaps the blonde bimbo cheerleader gets the hot guys because she is pleasant and smily and sensual, not because she is an idiot. Perhaps the dumb obnoxious jock gets the hot girls because he’s confident and connected and successful, not because he doesn’t do maths. You can be smart and attractive. If anything, smarts should be used to make you more attractive, seeing as that is the whole point of human evolution.

Your brains do count. If you can make a boatload of money in a year, or save a boatload of money in a day, if you can properly guard against wild animals or deter them from visiting, if you can save your own and your partner’s time, if you can navigate life successfully and hand those skills onto your kid… then you have brains and they do matter.

But for all that is holy, don’t advertise them by making your entire life about arithmetic. That’s not smart. That’s dumb.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

 

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.