“Look at what we say, not what we do…”

Something I find odd when discussing human attraction is how many lies we tell. From the women who “don’t like bad boys” who seem to attract nothing but bad boys, to the men who “will take anything” who balk at the idea of a particularly ugly or old woman, humans claim to understand our own attraction and try and sugarcoat it or lie about it until the world believes us.

And one of these lies that is sorely unaddressed is this one: “I would rather be in a relationship with an emotionally, mentally healthy person. I can spot instability when I see it. I am not attracted to people with mental and personality disorders. I prefer someone with empathy, a gentle, humanitarian outlook and a predictable behavioural pattern.”

But, the fact of the matter is, we don’t.

Men need guides on how to avoid hystrionic, borderline and narcissistic women. Women continually fall for psychopaths and sociopaths. Men and women alike are drawn to people who have grown so comfortable with depression that it manifests daily, or people who are so unstable and unpredictable they’re treading the line between schizoid and schizophrenia.

Furthermore, we overplay the severity of mental disorders and underplay the disordered behaviour our partners have displayed. We assume that everyone on the bipolar spectrum acts like a person with borderline and, therefore, that our partner with bipolar II or cyclothymia is “just normal”. We assume psychopaths are all maniacal serial killers and that our partner with no empathy, extreme conceit and a coldly calculating manner is “just an ass”.

So look at what we do, not what we say.

Yeah, sure, we all insist we prefer someone “normal”. But in reality most people have dated, seriously fallen for or become obsessed with someone who was disordered.

And there are many biological reasons why mental disorders could benefit us and our future offspring. But we don’t need to go into that to see that we’re definitely attracted to them.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!