Consumerism and finding direction.

I always had a hard time understanding what I wanted to do with this blog. And it’s because my interests are so divided that no “box” would have me.

How can I explain that I am highly critical of leftwing beliefs, every form of sociology, progressivism, etc, yet I am interested in environmentalism and liberalism?

How can I explain that I am critical of unemployment among women, religion, racial segregation, etc, yet I am focused on traditional and tribal communities?

I am too rude and blunt, too traditional, too forgiving, too irreligious, too deistic, too maternal, too workaholic, too offensive, too liberal, too capitalistic, too easygoing, too unapologetic to belong to anyone.

I want to write about cooking and foraging, babies and freelancing, budgeting and crafting, fitness and diet, relationships and philosophy, whatever strikes me as curious or fun or new.

I guess the one thing that ties every aspect of myself together is my hatred for consumerism and the structures around it. I genuinely despise them. I don’t necessarily hate all the humans involved, but I hate the actual sin. Advertising is offensive to the eye and mind. Minimalism is a lovely goal when it isn’t commercialized and impractical. Poverty can be entirely your own doing without you being responsible for the stupid decisions that caused or preserved it. And I really don’t care what people do in terms of faith, diet, community, surgery, or shopping, so long as it is increasing the wealth of the system or removing themselves from the system, rather than sucking it dry.

So everything I do, my budgeting and DIY, my advocacy for traditional relationships combined with working women, my refusal to accept systems and structures that exploit the workers and enable the dependent, my entire self, seems to be held together by that.

It would be nice to have a community of extreme-leaning centrist, anti-consumerist, realist, relaxed, unemotional people to share this with more closely. But for now I suppose I’ll just continue being offensive to everyone.

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10 Reasons You’re Told To Avoid Unmonetized Work.

Many people are unhappy to do unmonetized work. And that’s fine. It’s your choice to only do work you’re paid for and to pay others to do your unpaid work. But some people definitely get defensive and even hostile when you mention your own decision to do unmonetized work.

Whether you’re a home-maker or a community gardener, whether you’re making your own bread or building your own furniture, someone always emerges with a critical eye. Often they just feel the need to counter your points with comments about how they couldn’t possibly do unmonetized work. But sometimes when you defend your choices the critics become hostile. It becomes clear that they’re for some reason unhappy with the fact you’re doing something for yourself.

Which, on the surface, isn’t very sensible. After all, if you don’t care when they hire a gardener or buy a pie, why should they care when you trim the hedge or bake a pie?

Well here are ten reasons why various types of person may feel insulted, cheated or ostracized by your choice to be self-sufficient.

1: Greed.

The biggest one is a personal demon.

Some people are simply too greedy to do anything for free. They can’t see why anyone would or should do anything for free.

These people, deep down, see some benefits from self-sufficiency and know they have some time to put into unmonetized work. But they don’t want to.

And when they see someone work for free, it touches on a negative aspect of their own mentality. So they have to make you doubt yourself, make you admit that for them it would be impossible, anything to justify their own greed.

2: Import, value and sales taxes.

Governments have a vested interest in you not making anything on your own. When you start with simple goods the tax you pay on them is minimal. The real tax money is in luxuries.

When you make your own wine from foraged fruits, the government has no tax power over your drinks, they make no money on them. They would much rather you bought a bottle of wine at the store.

3: Power thirst.

Some people have an amount of control over you through the services they offer.

If the person presenting the critique is asking you to hire them, offering their services for cheap or for free, anything to stop you from doing the job yourself… then they enjoy having power over you.

4: Rat race.

For many everyday people, the concept of the rat race is a sort of comfort. The idea that everyone from the bottom to the top of the 99% is trapped. Nobody has a choice. Taxes are inevitable. You have no way out, even past retirement.

It can trigger a sort of envy and anxiety for some when they see that you can do your own work for free and cut costs that way.

5: Neediness and loneliness.

Similar to the power-hungry, the needy and lonely fear losing you. But they aren’t trying to manipulate you or control you. They simply fear that by changing your habits you are adopting a culture that’s too different to theirs.

These people want reassurance that they will be a part of your life even if you stop shopping for clothes and spend your evenings baking pies.

6: Products to sell.

Obviously, anyone with a finished product to sell doesn’t want you to make your own.

If someone is telling you about the dangers of home-canning or gardening, trying to dissuade you from cooking from scratch or ironing at home, then ask yourself whether they are selling the product you were trying to make.

7: Income taxes.

Of course, another way the government benefits from monetized work is income tax. When you earn money, you pay taxes on it. When you use that money to hire someone, they pay taxes on it. But if you do the work yourself then to tax money is paid on it.

8: Retirement.

Some friends and family may have concern for you if you choose to do unmonetized work. Whether it’s your only work or you also have another job, the fact that you’re dedicating hours to work that doesn’t involve money can make some people concerned for your retirement plans.

Sometimes this comes from a selfish place: they do not want to care for you. But often it just comes from confusion and concern.

9: Welfare.

If you’re doing unmonetized work then welfare becomes a hot topic.

On the one hand, if you’re not on welfare some people come to believe you are entitled to it and believe welfare would be a better option than self-sufficiency.

On the other hand, if you receive any welfare at all, other people will insist that you should spend your time working for money instead.

10: Crab bucket.

Ultimately, if you do unmonetized work you can’t be doing anything right.

We live in a culture where we are encouraged to use and consume, to earn and to spend. By stepping out of the money cycle in any aspect of your life you are defying our culture, our society.

And nobody wants their friends, their subordinates, their family or their coworkers to belong to a different society than them. Be it because of their job, their ideology or their personal demons, there are many crabs in the bucket that want to pull you back.

It’s up to you to decide what you will do.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

5 Common Money Mistakes.

Everyone would like to save a little here and there. But some common decisions can result in you spending more money than you intended, over and over again.

1.- Using cards too much.

Cards are a very convenient way of buying things. Too convenient, if you ask me. When we use cards we’re less able to keep track of what we’ve bought. We don’t have a certain number of notes and coins to keep track of. And we’re more likely to splurge when we carry more in our accounts than we do in our pockets.

Try and leave the house always with the money you need and only bring the card out for big purchases or if you see something genuinely too cheap to pass up, that just happened not to be on your list, like a reduced price lamb’s leg.

2.- Virtual over real money.

In a similar vein, we have a hard time conceptualizing real over virtual money. We often accidentally think in terms of our net worth rather than our spending money. We think we have £400 of eBay stock on sale, so we have £400. We think our paycheck is £2000, so we have at least £24000 this year.

Any money that isn’t right now in your bank account or home is not real. That paycheck you’re getting doesn’t exist. If it’s delayed or your company goes bankrupt you might not have it for a very long time. Think in terms of what you have right now, not what you could have.

3.- Physical over virtual media.

On the other hand, we place too much value on physically possessing something. Even when that thing is not really something you hold in person. Everything from films and music to cards and guides, we like to have the thing in our hand rather than on our screen.

But most of these things can’t be used without putting them into some sort of a device anyway, degrade over time and are often more costly. Get your media cheaply, digitally and make it go much further.

4.- Not negotiating.

More a problem that Brits and some Americans suffer than anyone else, but: we just don’t negotiate! We pay fixed price for everything every time and then bemoan it when we find it half price online two days later.

A bit of a haggle is good for the soul and most things can be haggled down, especially in small stores and online shopping. Just asking for a discount via email can result in coupons and reimbursements, so don’t be scared to ask for a little off, especially on big purchases.

5.- Fallacy of sunk costs.

It’s all too easy to fall for this one. We’ve already spent so much on this renovation project, making this dress or planting the garden that we “may as well” throw another pile of money at it and try and fix it. And then we end up spending more money on our cheap way out than we would have spent buying the items anyway.

If something just isn’t working, you’ve spent twice as much on it as you would have spent on the alternative and it looks like it will still cost more, cut the costs and buy the alternative.

And those are my top five common money mistakes that we all make and that can cost us a lot over the year.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

What money mistakes do you fall for? What traps do you take pride in avoiding?

10 signs someone is worth your time.

Everyone wants their relationships with other people to be meaningful and rewarding. Whether we’re talking romantic partners, family or friends, we often have to decide who is worth our time. This is especially the case when your time is more valuable, such as when someone very attractive dates or someone with a lot of work spends time on coworkers. This guide should help you work out who adds value to your time and who is a drain on it. In no particular order, here are ten things that, all together, mean someone is worth your time.

1. You can talk without getting uncomfortably heated.

A bigger one than many people would think. It’s fine to have a debate. It’s fine to disagree. It’s fine to agree. It’s fine to have an opinion. It’s fine to get a little passionate now and again. But if you find that this person escalates arguments to levels of emotional intensity that you find uncomfortable and that they do this often, they could be causing issues. Uncomfortable arguments weigh on your mind, fill your time and are often unproductive as both of you turn defensive under uncomfortable levels of passion. If someone offers no conversation without a risk of explosion, then they may be a drain on your time.

2. You respect them as a person.

It is impossible to maintain a healthy relationship with someone you can’t respect. It’s actually possible to benefit from relationships where the other party doesn’t respect you, although you have to know that they disrespect you for it to work and these relationships wouldn’t be considered healthy. But you need to be able to respect someone as a person to make them worth your time. The amount of trouble and drama and resentment that is born of when people disappoint you or leave you is too great. You need to see them as a human with their own needs, wants and ability to move.

3. You both know what you want from each other.

This one has three layers. Firstly you must know what they want from you and you must make sure they know what you want from them. Secondly you must both be willing to fulfill those wants. Thirdly, where the other can’t fulfill your wants you must be willing to compromise and they must be willing to compromise the wants you cannot fulfill. If any of these layers is not met, then they will waste your time and later on disagreements and heated arguments may arise.

4. You enjoy time spent with them.

This is a very important one. So maybe they are  waste of time in every other sense. But if you like the time you spend with them and enjoy it whilst it lasts, they may not be a waste. On the other hand, if they are useful in every way but you hate spending time with them, you might want to consider replacing them.

5. You don’t feel you are getting the raw deal.

Relationships aren’t a zero sum game where someone wins and someone loses. But there will be upsides and downsides to every relationship. If you feel like you’re getting a bad deal and they’re resting on their laurels then it’s time to wonder whether they are worth the time you’re putting in. Even if on a rational level you are about even, if you resent them then the use of your time might not be wise.

6. You can do uncomfortable or difficult things together without turning against each other.

A sure sign that someone is worth the time you invest into them is when even unpleasant tasks don’t turn you against them. If you approach a difficult problem or a strange situation as a team, with the goal being to get everything sorted and over as soon as possible, then they are definitely a good use of your time.

7. You don’t bear grudges.

Bearing a grudge takes time and energy and interferes with future interactions. If you find yourself remembering matters you’d both agreed to put to bed and judging them based on these matters, maybe even bringing them up in arguments, then your time is being used poorly. However, if you find it easy or simply worthwhile to fight the urge to bear a grudge, then they are clearly adding a lot to your life.

8. You have the time to give.

A huge one. If there isn’t the time, there simply isn’t the time. No matter how much you like someone and how useful or pleasant they are, if you can’t find the required time then they aren’t worth your time. If they were worth your time you would make some.

9. Nobody else fits their place better.

Another important one. Is there someone with relationship seniority, who meets more of these criteria or who is just nicer to be around who can do their job just as well as they can? Too many cooks spoil the broth and too many people competing for the same places in your life means you’re putting so many times more energy and time than you need to.

10. Nothing else would fit your time better.

Finally: is there anything more productive or useful you could be doing with this time? If they add a little to your life but learning a language, developing a skill or traveling would add ten times as much, then you shouldn’t spend time developing a relationship that you will resent as you struggle in other areas of life. It’s better to not start relationships like that at all.

And those are ten solid indicators that someone is a productive use of your time. Depending on how social you are you might think anyone who meets five or more with worthwhile or you might decide that someone needs to meet ten to make them worth the time, but I wouldn’t encourage relationships with anyone who meets less than five of these criteria.

How do you make sure you’re using your social time well?

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

How To… overcome impulse buying.

Everyone impulse buys to a degree. When we have some spare money (or sometimes when we don’t!) and we see something on the shelf, in the window or on Pinterest that we want, a few times we will buy it. And every time we will feel the pull. But what if you could enjoy window shopping without coming home with anything? Or browse the supermarket and get only what you need? Or go charity shopping without buyer’s remorse? Or leaf through a magazine and not feel jealous? It is possible, but it involves some careful retraining.

1: Make lists.

The first trick is to make lists. We will look at a couple of sorts of lists but, as with organization and memory, writing any suitable lists can help you avoid distractions.

You will firstly write lists of what you need. The most common list in this category is the shopping list: what you set out to get. Another list is a general list, where you note what sort of things you need (vegetables, protein, soap), allowing you to go with cheaper or better options when available. And another of my favourites is a permissions list, where you note what things you can buy if you spot them, allowing you to buy things you can stock up on, like freezables, canned goods and soaps when they are cheap.

And next you will write lists of what you want. This list is composed over the course of a week. Do not use it to write down everything you see that you fancy, because this interferes with step 3 and can make you miserable. Instead, when you see something you want, forget about it and wait two or three days. If after that it’s still on your mind, write it down. At the end of every week, have a look online to see what is the best way of buying one of these and whether it’s worth it. Often you will forget about most things before the day is out and become disinterested in other things when you consider their impracticalities with a cool head.

2: D.I.Y.

The next stage is to look at your list of impractical wants and ask yourself what you can make. These are the best things to start with. Often newbie diyers throw themselves in the deep end, not by making something too complicated, but by making something they need, or making something from their want list that wouldn’t be terrible to buy. When you try and start with things you need, you feel too much urgency and may mess it up or lose hope. When you try and start with things you would have bought anyway you are setting a standard you are bound to fall below, as it was already cheap, practical and suitable enough.

But by starting with things you wouldn’t otherwise have, you can ease your way into D.I.Y. and make it more worth your while. This means that your confidence grows and you end up relegating more and more of your wants to the D.I.Y. list, leading to fewer impulse buys. (Though your impulse crafting may skyrocket!)

3: Abundance mentality.

This term is often associated with the PUA community’s idea of viewing sex as plentiful, to stop young men thirsting for it and letting that thirst blind them. But whatever angle you take on that definition, it also applies to other facets of life, especially buying. You most resent not getting something when you think you can’t. You most dwell on something when you’re scared you may never be able to get one again. You most want to buy the less you are allowed to buy. This is a perfectly logical pattern for humans. When we deprive ourselves of things, our primitive selves assume they are scarce and, therefore, conclude it is more vital to grab them when we can.

What you need to realize is that you can afford that cupcake maker, those shoes or that ham hock. The money is there. You just don’t need it or really want it. Even if you don’t have the money in the bank, remind yourself that it isn’t because you have no money, it’s almost certainly because you prioritized another luxury, like smoked salmon, a new bag or some yarn for knitting.

Even if you can’t actually afford that thing at the present moment, it is better to train yourself to assume you can afford it, but don’t really need or want it. That way you are less likely to impulse buy when it is on offer, or when you find a similar item!

4: The second trip.

This is something that can very quickly annoy people you shop with, so it’s best applied when you are out on your own. Every shop requires two trips.

When we are shopping because we need something, we often pick up things we may not need. Start at the tills and browse your way around the supermarket. Put the things you came in for at one side of the basket or trolley and the things you picked up at the other side. Then, make your way back the same way you came. Put back anything you have changed your mind about in this time. I have no idea why this works so much better than just not picking it up in the first place, but it does!

When we are browsing, we often find ourselves shopping. Sometimes this isn’t so bad for a bit of fun and when we find things we like, but shopping sprees are rightfully seen as binge activities by many. Again, start at the end of town where your car is or where you will exit. Work your way through the shops in order. Don’t buy anything, just enjoy  browsing, take mental note of the items you like and their prices and carry on. On your way back, don’t go into any shop where you didn’t find anything you still want. If anything is really pulling you, just pop into the shop and, looking at it in your hands, ask yourself if it’s worth the price.

Your double trips may seem excessive, but the amount of money, stress and confusion they spare is helpful beyond belief.

5: Allowance.

Another trick is to give yourself a random expenses allowance. The allowance isn’t the random part, the expenses are! When you tell yourself you are only allowed one frivolous item or spontaneous purchase a week, it makes it a lot easier to control pointless clutter and lots of tiny buys. When you tell yourself that you have £X to spend on unplanned purchases, you spend less on each item. Whatever your impulse problem is, place a restriction on it. Preferably at half or below half your current levels. Ideally down to £5-10 or one single item.

This on its own can be hard to keep up, but combined with double trips, shopping lists and a well-cultivated abundance mentality, it is fairly easy to stick to even a ridiculous restriction.

The one caution is not to restrict it to nothing. The reason for this is the “diet effect”. The same way that someone on a low-carb diet will eat an apple and throw the diet out of the window for a day, someone who is not allowed to spend spontaneously will pick up one unplanned item and find their basket full of twelve more unplanned items. Rather than do this, having a little leeway will help you focus and allow for human error.

6: Practical shopping.

One sort of impulse buy that we can let go a little and go crazy on is practical purchases. When you find things on your permissions list, don’t stop yourself getting them. If you find something you will genuinely make good use of within seven days, contemplate a little, but you’re likely better off getting it.

Sometimes, going on a shopping spree with “anything for the house” or “ten new shirts” in mind can be very similar to going on one where anything goes. Of course, minus the guilt trip afterwards!

And those are my six steps to defeating impulse buying!

What are your tricks for avoiding spontaneous spending? What things do you find harder and easier to resist? Do share in the comments!

TTFN and Happy Hunting.

How to… keep household accounts.

Keeping accounts is a pretty useful thing. Whether you own a small business, are saving up for something or keeping a home, having a record of your incomes and outgoings can be useful, insightful and even life saving.

It is also boring, gets complicated and can seem very time consuming. Otherwise, everybody would be doing it.

The great thing is: everybody can do it. You just need to follow these tricks to make your accounts something simple and easy.

1: Create a table of outgoings. The fixed costs.

Usually your incomes will be fairly fixed and, even if they aren’t, outgoings are the more important one to track. You can easily guess at what your income is, but outgoings are mysterious numbers on your bank statement at the end of the month.

Your table will be divided into two. The first half will be fixed costs on a monthly basis. These are everything that goes out on the regular, like phone contracts, insurance, unmetered bills, etc.

2: Yearly costs in your fixed cost table.

When it comes to yearly costs, make a separate bank account to save for them. Divide the total cost by 12 and make a payment of exactly that much every month. Then, add that payment to your fixed cost table as a monthly payment.

3: Random costs table.

Random costs are the ones that move around a lot, like fuel, food, pets or metered bills.

Your random costs table will not be like your fixed costs table. It should cover every day of the month, from the 1st to the 31st, including weekends. It should have a column for bills, one for groceries, one for car, one for services and one for unexpected bills.

4: Payment method column.

Your payment methods also need to be kept track of. Make a column for every payment method you use. Every single account, credit card or online money trader. Also keep a column for coupons, discounts, points and other forms of payment.

In the end, your tables will look a little like this:

Month.

House.

Water bill.

Home insurance.

Pension.

Account 1.

Account 2.

Jan.

400

10

8

150

-568

0

Feb.

400

10

8

150

-400

-168

Etc…

APRIL

Day.

Groc.

Elec.

Serv.

Fuel.

Unex.

Ac1

Ac2

PP

Cred.

ISA.

Coup.

1

0

67

0

15

0

77

5

0

0

0

2

Food.

25

0

0

0

0

0

20

0

0

0

5

3

Pet.

12

0

Hair. 10

15

0

5

0

12

0

0

5

Etc…

Total.

-77

-67

-10

-30

0

-82

-25

-12

0

0

+10

And at the end of every month you have a total outgoing in assorted expenses. The coupons and the likes are counted as a plus simply because that’s money you didn’t spend, so you got a 10 haircut, but got 5 back, if that makes sense.

Try and use a calculator page so that you can add up every column for it’s total, as well as at the end of the month add up all your expenses into one bar at the bottom! Otherwise, be sure to add up your random expenses daily, so you don’t have to sit around crunching numbers for hours at the end of the month.

6: Using it.

At the end of every day, go through your receipts and add the expenses to the calculator. Add the money out twice: once to the column it belongs to (Food), once to the payment method used (Credit Card). If you haven’t got it on a calculator page, be sure to add it to the total. Do not add the coupons at all yet!

At the end of the month, add together the fixed expenses and that month’s total. Take away the month’s total saved in coupons. That is your monthly outgoings.

7: Income.

If your income is fixed, just take note of it and take your outgoings away from it to see how you’re doing. You’re done!

If your income is not fixed, we move onto step 8.

8: Random income table.

This table is very similar in the way it works to the random outgoings table. Take every day you work. I will use two examples, one for my income and one for Jon’s. You want one column to be your working days. The other will be your earnings. You want to do a column a week for each category.

So, seeing as I work five or six days a week for random earnings, I fill mine in like this.

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Week 4

Week 5

Week 1 +

Week 2 =

??????? +

Week 3 =

??????? +

Week 4 =

??????? +

Week 5 =

MONTH

F1

M4

M11

M18

M25

S2

T5 N/A

T12 N/A

T19 N/A

T26 N/A

W6

W13

W20 N/A

W27

T7

T14

T21

T28

F8

F15

F22

F29

S9

S16 N/A

S23

S30

Total.

Total.

Total.

Total.

Total.

And seeing as Jon works 3 or 4 days on, 3 or 4 days off, sometimes days, sometimes nights, his looks like this.

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Week 4

Week 5

Week 1 +

Week 2 =

??????? +

Week 3 =

??????? +

Week 4 =

??????? +

Week 5 =

MONTH

4 D

11 OFF

18 N

25 D

5 N

12 D

19 OFF

26 N

6 N

13 D

20 OFF

27 N

7 N

14 D

21 OFF

28 N

1 D

8 OFF

15 N

22 D

29 OFF

2 D

9 OFF

16 N

23 D

30 OFF

3 D

10 OFF

17 N

24 D

31 OFF

Total:

Add your salary to the table every day and then total it at the end of the week. Add week 1 to week 2 and the total to week 3 until you reach the end of the month. That is your income.

And that is how you do your household accounts the easy way. At the end of the month, be sure to make a note of how much is in each money source to make sure you aren’t overspending and that no accounts are getting too empty!

And please share your accounting tips in the comments, I’d love to hear them! 🙂

TTFN and Happy Hunting.

Marriage As A Team.

With the advances of no-fault divorce, women usually being secondary or non-earners, staggered alimony and the assumption of female primary caregiving, it makes sense that a lot of men aren’t really all that interested in marriage. From a purely economic perspective, even if the stats actually show your risk of divorce is well under 50%, there’s still a risk. How many people would put their head into a tame lion’s mouth? It’s still a lion.

However, curiously, women have started to question marriage. At least during the years when we are likely to have a more successful marriage, which is 25-35. Which is odd, considering that we risk very little in marrying and stand to gain so much from either a lifelong marriage or divorce. From a purely objective standpoint, women should at least be ambivalent for men’s sake, at worst be callous supporters. But, as a population, we’re not.

The social demonization of marriage that started in the 60s and 70s is catching up with us. The angry, bitter radicals who called marriage slavery out of one corner of their mouths whilst stalking a man across the globe have finally persuaded most of Western society, men and women alike, that marriage is an evil institution. And they have done so by making it a zero-sum-game.

The basic concept of a zero-sum-game is: someone always wins, someone always loses. In the context of partnerships: one of you will be better off than when you were single and one of you will be worse off than when you were single. And the idea that marriage or long term partnerships are zero-sum-games has infiltrated every corner of our society. Feminists will claim that marriage is anywhere from manipulation to slavery for women, so they must seek to control their relationships carefully. PUAs will claim that marriage and long term relationships are shackles to the minds of men who do not dominate their relationships. Your Joe and Joan Average will work their very hardest to evenly split all their work, incomes, chores and time, so as to guarantee a balance. Everyone is convinced that if you aren’t getting more out than your partner, you’d be better off single.

Which is very scary, considering it undermines one of the main functions of marriage: to grow with each other. The purpose of marriage is to create a mini-community. Which, in our fairly empty, disconnected, callous world, is highly needed as many of us don’t have a larger community anyway. It’s meant to bond two people, get them working in sync so that they both have more than when they started, so they can look after their elders and have and raise healthy, happy children. That was the entire point of marriage.

Therefore, when we try and treat it as a zero-sum-game, as an individual vs individual competition where when you aren’t doing better than them, you’re losing, we aren’t in a marriage. You may have the certificates, but all you’re doing is coexisting, or, worse even, competing.

Instead, when you’re in a long term relationship of any kind, you should be looking at the relationship as the whole and yourselves as the halves. You are not factories, but production units in a little factory. And you should be working on everything you can to keep the factory (your relationship) functional and profitable for both of you. And this becomes quite a cycle. For example, how Jon and I work together to give ourselves a better life:

  1. Jon works full time so he can afford to rent this house. +space
  2. I care for the house so he doesn’t have to. Meaning the house is more worth having and leaving us more together time. +time
  3. I can cook him far better, healthier meals than he could cook himself in the time he used to have, saving us money on snacks and supplements. +money
  4. Because the house is so big, I can use the spare bedroom as an office to tutor from. I can also grow our own food in the garden. +money
  5. Because I work as a private tutor, I can earn £10-25/h, rather than minimum wage of £6.50/h not including travel and expenses. +money
  6. Because I work from home, I work on my own hours. +time
  7. Which means I also can arrange my work day to take advantage of discounts, offers, reduced price foods. +money
  8. Which means his disposable income hasn’t actually dropped much from when he lived in a single room. +money
  9. Which means the need for overtime is reduced. +time

If we both worked full time, split the chores when we got home and only had that little remainder together, we’d have less money, less free time and eventually not be able to afford the space we live in, the quality of food we eat or the entertainment we use. In short, if we acted as individuals, our quality of life would go down. So basically, by working together, as a unit, viewing time together as our main free time, and our assets as shared rather than split, we have both improved our quality of life. He has a larger home, better food, more time with me, more time for leisure activities, more flexibility with work and more money in the bank at the end of the month than when single. I have a larger home, better work prospects, more time with him, more time for leisure activities and more money in the bank at the end of the month than if I were single. We’re in a relationship and by viewing the relationship as the unit and ourselves as component parts: we both win.

So no, long term relationships aren’t a zero-sum-game where there has to be a loser and if you can’t spot the loser, the loser is you. They are a team game where you both work together and use your assets to protect each other’s assets, multiplying the rewards for your work. They are an investment in a partner that, if well -calculated, will pay you back. If you can’t spot the loser, but you’re richer, happier, with more free time and a generally higher standard of life than before: you’re not a loser, you’re playing the game right.

TTFN and Happy Hunting.

What is your view on long term relationships? How does your relationship or marriage work? What do you feel your personal investment gives back to you as a couple? Do share!