Rough Play Is A Requirement.

I am not sure where the idea that women are frail and delicate and need to be handled like fine porcelain or sugar sculptures came from. But it seems pretty pervasive.

From the occasional radical feminist who claims BDSM sex, or even light, playful wrestling, is somehow male dominance and aggression to the PUAs who walk about Kino as though any guy, without direction, would either never touch a woman or accidentally break her, it seems that men touching women “too much” or “too harshly” or “not enough” or “not gently enough” or just not “the right way” is a generally accepted idea. And although this idea has merit when talking about a man and a woman who do not know each other well, some people carry it into marriage, or for their whole lives.

But roughness isn’t just a welcome facet to sexual encounters and other intimate times: on many levels it is a requirement. This is just from personal observation and reading around, but the more I look, the clearer it seems to me that most women, myself included, crave an amount of action, physicality and yes, roughness with our partners. There are two scales for this: playfulness and force. On the playfulness scale we have a range from friendly, through toying, teasing, sensual, sexual, dominating, right up to serious, which may be taking it too far. Friendly roughness might be pushing someone aside, sensual roughness is guiding them directly by moving their body like a puppet, serious roughness would be bordering on actual violence. On the force scale we have playing limp, equalizer, controlled, overpowering and full force. Playing limp is passive resistance, equalizer is matching their power, controlled is allowing for push and pull, overpowering is just enough to take over and full force is using all your strength.

And everyone’s needs will vary on both scales. Some women will prefer friendly, equalized roughness. Some will prefer teasing, limp roughness. Some will prefer dominating, full force roughness. It is necessary to understand this to see what I’m trying to say. Not all women want to be completely dominated and thrown around the room. But some form of rough play seems essential to a healthy sex life for the vast majority of us.

[NSFW links.]

Some women end up with gentle men, but still have a desire for domination.

Some women enjoy the most intense forms of abuse and neglect.

Some women just want to be chased a little bit.

But on some level most women want it. And, from my personal observation, it goes beyond a want into an actual need. The more I read and the more I observe my own needs, the more I see that rough sex, when desired, is not something meekly being suggested to “spice things up”. More often than not, it’s something these women want regularly, the standard for the sex they crave. Even those of us who have only been with one man, who has always been at the same level of intensity, will crave a pre-calibrated amount of roughness. It’s not about what we fancy, about curiosity, about boredom or about something we used to get. It seems to be, quite simply, an inbuilt need.


TTFN and Happy Hunting.


For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.

What you WANT is not what you NEED.

It seems like a simple explanation on the surface. But we have a genuine problem understanding it. We have so much abundance that we ignore what our needs are compared to our wants. We just assume that anything that adds to our quality of life must be a necessity, whereas anything that simply feels nice with no lasting improvement to our quality of life or, indeed, with a lowering of our overall quality of life, must be a want.

But the reality is a touch simpler than that. Just a touch.

These are the things we need:

  1. Air to breathe.
  2. 1-2L of water a day.
  3. Enough calories and micronutrients to keep us moving every day.
  4. Somewhere to excrete.
  5. 5-12 hours of sleep.
  6. Shelter from the elements.
  7. Warm human contact.
  8. Safety and freedom from danger.
  9. Relief from stress, sexual tension and mental troubles.

That’s it. That is all you actually need. If you lived in a strong, moderate temperature cube with a toilet on the side, which daily gave you fresh air, two litres of water, one and a half thousand calories (assuming little to no activity) and a vitamin and mineral mix, where you could sleep as much as you like, call in a carer to cuddle you once a day and stretch, masturbate and play make believe, you would live just as long, if not longer, and your body would be just as well off, if not better, than you are today.

Literally everything we add on top of that is something we want. And our wants fall into three categories.

Things we almost need. Things that improve us on a measurable level but do not make the cut for bare basics. We can live just as long without them, if not well.

  1. Daily exercise.
  2. Sunshine.
  3. A circadian life.
  4. Massages.
  5. Variety of foods.
  6. Reproduction.
  7. Creative outlets.
  8. A soft place to rest and relax.
  9. Freedom of peaceful speech and interaction.

Things that are pushed upon us. Things that other people have and that we covet, or that we need in order to integrate with others. We could live without them in another culture.

  1. Wealth.
  2. Admiration, respect, status.
  3. Symbols of status and belonging.
  4. Gadgets and technological advances.
  5. Knowledge.
  6. Faith.
  7. Formalized relationships.

Things that instinctively we desire. Things that we want based on an instinctive impulse that is no longer applicable to the world we live in. In a modern world indulging these wants is detrimental.

  1. Excess of food.
  2. Freedom to complete idleness.
  3. Promiscuity.
  4. Freedom to be violent and retaliate.
  5. Freedom to seize.

All of those things, to someone in our society, could be seen as necessities, as things they have a right to. Everyone has something in those three lists that they would fight tooth and claw for. Some have even been acknowledged as universal human rights, rights that separate us from the animals.

But regardless of where you place them and value them, it is important to acknowledge that you need none of them. All you really need is the basic nine. Everything else is a luxury.

TTFN and Happy Hunting.


For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.