Blue Pill behaviour puts magic before accountability.

Whether it’s in the form of feminism, Marxism, or what the Red Pill describe as “Beta”, Blue Pill behaviour seems to be born of blind idealism. They deny reality for pleasantries that defy reality. However, I put it to you that blind idealism is not completely blind. Instead, it is a sort of casual self-deception, a willful ignorance designed to protect oneself.

Take, for instance, the concept of a “soulmate”, ubiquitous wherever Blue Pill mentality emerges. Whilst it is indeed possible to be in a relationship with someone you are highly compatible with, and even many more realistic people will accept the possibility of developing a unique bond from which a couple may enable each other, it is only under Blue Pill mentality that the soulmate becomes:

  • ineffable
  • unconditional
  • eternal
  • predestined

Thus, the assumption is that your soulmate was chosen for you before you knew about it, cannot have a flaw, will love you forever and no matter what.

The reality of “soulmates” is that you chose your soulmate, that you crafted each other into what you needed, that your love is conditional and that whilst you accept their flaws, you can still see them… even if they are not flaws in your eyes.

The reality requires you to work hard. You must be a desirable person to the sort of person you wish to attract. You must accept their flaws – whether you personally take issue with them or whether they are flaws on a societal or cultural level. You must be open about your own flaws. You must accept their conditions for love and they must accept yours.

But that isn’t pleasant, or easy. The Blue Pill ideal of love is almost parental instead. They want a sexual partner who loves them intrinsically and unconditionally, for their shining, eternal, invisible, intangible soul. Thus, a “soulmate”, to them, is someone who requires no work to conquer, to love and to care for. Someone who brings no grief, no worries, no conflict, no pressure, intentionally or incidentally, for better or for worse.

When they see a pair who have achieved a balance through hard work and focus and deep love, all they see is some magical aura which unites the two, a red string between their fingers, a zodiac alignment, a mystical bond. They seize this as proof that soulmates exist exactly as they would define them.

Because to accept that everyone who has something good, on some level must work for it, is to accept that they are not putting in the work.

And that might require them to change.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

 

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.

The Smarts Count, How You Use Them Counts More.

A common refrain in many dating and relationship forums, as well as often in real life, is that men do not like or want smart girls, women do not like or want smart guys. Men just want sexpot bimbos and women just want obnoxious jocks. Being smart or educated just counts for nothing, guys!

Sometimes it’s phrased as a complaint towards the discriminator: “All these girls want is idiot obnoxious Chads!”

Sometimes it’s phrased as a criticism towards the would-be-partner: “Nobody needs girls to be smart, just show cleavage and smile.”

Sometimes it’s just matter of fact: “People just don’t care if you’re smart or not.”

But it’s always wrong.

You see, humans are a brain animal. That means that for eons our survival depended on being smart. For the last few million years, we have admired intelligence and it has embedded itself in our definitive “hotness ranking”, even in ways you would not imagine. For example men like women with wide hips because wide hips = higher omega storage = more omegas for baby = smarter babies, or women like men who take risks because more risks = more chance at reward = strong natural selection = if he’s alive and risk-taking, he’s smart. We are literally horny for smarts.

So what gives? If we like brains so much, why aren’t sci-fi nerds and PhD feminists and people who can recite Shakespeare backwards at the top of the sexual hierarchy?

Simple, because it’s not about the brains you have, it’s about the brains you use.

If you are a sci-fi nerd and science fiction is out of fashion, then you are signalling that you value science fiction more than you value group membership. Which rings alarm bells unless you’re chasing an Other Girl who’s into Sigmas. And in the latter case: you had better be able to chameleon your way into social settings properly before retreating to your spaceship man-cave, because even Sigmas need to survive the social order. That’s right, there’s no opt-out, you have to be social.

If you are a feminist with a PhD, you had better be young and cheerful and interested in a broad range of subjects. Because throwing away your fertility on an education and becoming bitter and jaded is a surefire way to look like a human failing at life. And if you look like you’re barely surviving life, your smarts are worthless on a sexual level, because your actions suggest your children will also barely survive life.

If you can recite Shakespeare backwards, but that is your only skill, then you are wasting your brain. It’s great to have a party trick, a gimmick, something weird and fun for starting conversations. But if that’s all there is to you… then what are your survival prospects? How will you feed a baby? What genes will your descendants inherit? If you’re legitimately smart, you need to start using your brain for more than just gimmicks. And if you can’t afford to learn some equally important skills alongside your reverse barding, then maybe you’re not smart enough to pull that stunt off.

And that’s the crux of it. If you desperately want to have sex, get married, have kids perhaps, then the smart thing to do would be to work out how and do it. Perhaps the blonde bimbo cheerleader gets the hot guys because she is pleasant and smily and sensual, not because she is an idiot. Perhaps the dumb obnoxious jock gets the hot girls because he’s confident and connected and successful, not because he doesn’t do maths. You can be smart and attractive. If anything, smarts should be used to make you more attractive, seeing as that is the whole point of human evolution.

Your brains do count. If you can make a boatload of money in a year, or save a boatload of money in a day, if you can properly guard against wild animals or deter them from visiting, if you can save your own and your partner’s time, if you can navigate life successfully and hand those skills onto your kid… then you have brains and they do matter.

But for all that is holy, don’t advertise them by making your entire life about arithmetic. That’s not smart. That’s dumb.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

 

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.

We have so much goodness…

…that we can’t even see it any more.

We have a genuine perception problem.

Why do people live on £100,000, £500,000, £1,000,000 annual incomes and still end up short of change at the end of every week?

Why do third wave feminist scream and cry about misogyny when a man calls them pretty, holds a door for them or asks them on a date?

Why do nationalists and separatists live immersed in negativity despite the extreme safety and freedoms the West experiences, unprecedented and unparalleled?

Why do liberals insist that there is no white, Western, and especially no American culture to experience?

Why do anti-war groups obsess over military budgets when, thanks to globalism, we live in a time of greater peace than the majority of humans have ever experienced?

Why do racists blame their every problem on affirmative action, racial difference, race wars, migration and different-race leaders?

Why do sexists blame their every problem on the other sex, on institutional pressures, on religions and blogs and daytime TV?

Why do we make it to the very top, become wealthier, more attractive, more powerful and respected than anyone, and still find no joy in it?

Why do we take it into our hands to solve global problems through minute activities and to stress over activism and letting everyone know about it?

Why do we obsess over semantics and definitions, trying to configure ourselves as “Redpill Alpha, Libertarian, Animal-rights Activist, Separatist, Nationalist, Open-Minded, Buddhist Bloggers” or “Feminist, Anarcho-Capitalist, Painting, Demigirl, Wolfkin, Faekin, Body Positive, Working Class Dancers”?

Because we have absolutely everything we could possibly need.

Think about it.

In this world, a man can be sexually assaulted and can find some comfort in the form of online communities and support centres whose existence he may have never been aware of before this time. In this world, a person can be born after suffering an extremely rare prenatal abnormality, where their brain map does not reflect their body and they can then have parts of themselves amputated or altered to make them feel better. In this world, a girl can be obsessed with toy trucks and cars and can grow up to be a grease monkey, or a vehicular engineer. In this world a person with schizophrenia can be medicated and assisted to a point where they can return to the working world posing no more risk to themselves and others than a healthy human. In this world any person can educate themselves beyond even their wildest imaginations, through university, through apprenticeships, through books and the internet and support groups. In this world a homosexual couple can receive every state benefit afforded to heterosexual couples and enjoy a life of peace and quiet if they choose to do so. In this world a family can lose their home to a fire or flood and receive the support of millions of people to help them rebuild their house, restore their valuables and feed their children and pets. In this world anyone can retire into a fantasy land and live out their wildest, most unreachable, unachievable dreams through books and TV, films and games, role play and blogging.

In this world a teenage girl with no formal GCSEs, living alone, surviving on the bare minimum £8,000 a year benefits allowance and suffering a depressive disorder can get her A-levels, go to university, learn a trade, study whatever she pleases, start a business, get married, have children and live in relative safety and comfort.

Are there injustices? Of course there are. Let’s just take work environments. In some fields of employment women don’t feel safe due to a high volume of young, differently cultured men who may be a bit too abrasive or forward for their liking. In some fields of employment men don’t feel safe due to a high volume of spoiled, progressive, man-blaming women who may attempt to harm their career. In some fields of employment White people don’t feel safe due to a high volume of Non-White people who bring with them a different culture or set of mannerisms to what the White person is used to. Same goes for every other race on this planet. In some fields of employment a feminist, a nationalist, a transgender person, a traditionalist, a vegan or a Christian may not feel welcome due to the lack of others who resemble them.

And, when you are the minority in your surroundings, or not represented by management, you will likely suffer some discrimination. It’s just human nature to be rude to those unlike ourselves, preferential towards those we identify with and inconsiderate towards those whom we don’t understand.

And of course there are people out there who want to insult, rob, rape, beat or kill you. These people exist in every society, in every type of person, in every culture and environment. You can’t decide who they are going to be, you can’t guarantee that you will be safe and you can’t eliminate a certain type of person and live in comfort. The world has never been and will never be that fair. The best we can do is be wary and stay safe.

But we live in an incredible world. We live in a world that is a thousand times better than anyone before or outside it could even imagine. We live so deeply immersed in it that oftentimes we don’t see it and become dissatisfied. We live so long being told we are beautiful that when we feel insecure for whatever reason, we believe an injustice has been committed. We live so long being allowed to have a certain amount of personal space that when it is restricted we feel stifled. We live so long being listened to that when our voice is not the most prominent we feel ignored and oppressed. We are so used to having so much that we can’t see that everything we need is within our reach.

This world has room for improvement. But it always has, and it always will. There is a time and a place to discuss building a better world, to demand preferential or equal treatment or to begin carving ourselves a nice corner in the world we have. But if we never look at everything we already have, if we only stare longingly at what we lack, we will never actually be happy.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

5 Places I AWALT challenge.

Because a little introspection goes a long way. I am more often one to point out where women “in general” fall short or to excuse myself where I am the exception. But some accountability needs to be taken regarding my more common traits, after all, I’m a blogger, not a saint, and only human, only female. Here are five examples that are neither exaggerations, nor the be-all-and-end-all of my AWALTing.

1: Mirror mirror…

I am vain. Unbelievably vain. Possibly unnaturally vain. Just because I wear makeup rarely and am happy to get covered in dirt, being the tomboy I am, doesn’t mean I’m not vain. I still look in every shiny surface I can, whenever I have a second. I still untag myself in unflattering photos, to the point where I can hardly find a single picture from when I was fat. I still obsess over my body, checking it again and again for imperfections that have reduced, increased, appeared or disappeared. I believe I am quite high on the attractiveness scale, but enough is never enough and I aim to be perfect.

2: Babies at any cost.

Although I know, on a conscious level, that Jon and I have a plan and we’re sticking to it for practical reasons, I still get impulses and strange thoughts about impregnation, pregnancy and babies. I wouldn’t act on them, but the idea of getting pregnant is a thrill for me and the thought of a broken condom or even forgetting to use one is exciting. When the urge passes, I’m actually grateful that I resisted it, but the drive to breed is very, very strong.

3: Rough is fun.

Sure, sometimes gentleness is nice. And I often enjoy being the giver of roughness as much as the receiver. But I prefer when Jon is a bit aggressive and dominant. It’s much more fun that way. I love watching him lift weights, the smell of his sweat when he’s been working out and seeing how huge his hands are compared to mine. Even on a nonsexual level, these things are pleasant, exciting and relaxing at once.

4: His money or my money?

Just because I am savings-obsessed doesn’t mean I don’t start, in my mind, labeling his resources as “technically mine”. It just manifests differently. I won’t demand that he buy me things, instead I will aim to see him spend as little as possible. I thought I had it worked out at first: I let him buy what he wants for himself and don’t ask him for anything, so that’s about right, yes? Then I realized that I still try and control. I try and stop him from getting me things, to reduce expenses. I insist I don’t want something or need something that he wants to get me, however cheap or useful it would be. It’s taken a bit of effort, but I’m trying to let that side of myself go a little more. It’s his money and it’s up to him to decide whether or not he’s getting me an expensive jar of coffee or some flowers. I don’t make that decision: it’s not my money.

5: Nesting.

Thankfully Jon doesn’t see this as a bad thing, but my nesting drive is immense. Again, like with vanity and resources, just because it manifests differently doesn’t mean it isn’t there. I may still be a tomboy and arrange our favourite films in a display or leave his childhood trinkets on the mantlepiece or TV stand, but I need to make things comfortable, pleasing to the eye and tidy, tidy, tidy. Sometimes it doesn’t bother me as much. But other times the urge to nest hits and all of a sudden everything is wrong and I start stressing about hoovering, mopping, wiping down and sorting everything. Which must get a bit tedious, but I genuinely can’t relax until I’m done.

And those are five ways in which I AWALT, five aspects of me (and not the only five) that are pretty much standard female behaviour and mentality. Behaviour and mentality that many men find tedious and annoying. I’m grateful that Jon either doesn’t mind or enjoys these traits because some of them are quite firmly rooted too!

Extending the challenge to any more RP readers. What are five ways in which you AWALT? Do you work with them, fight them or work around them?

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

How To… female dread.

There is a concept in the PUA and Red Pill communities called “dread”. The basic idea is to do just enough to make a woman “dread” leaving you. Maybe she’s losing appreciation and he’s showing her how valuable he is. Or maybe she’s losing focus and he moves quickly out of her life to show he’s mobile. Or maybe she thinks he’s locked down and he’s illustrating that he is not focused only on her. To many women these behaviours may seem cruel. And oftentimes they feel cruel or even are cruel. But they are also natural and often necessary to give a man leverage in his relationship/s.

Likewise, if you are a man reading this, take this post calmly as, however cruel it may seem to you, these are natural ways a woman can ensure her man is focused on her.

1: Accept that you are living, breathing dread.

As a woman you are automatically a desirable partner, to some degree, to every heterosexual man on the planet. Quite simply put, in evolutionary terms one man is enough for hundreds of women to reproduce, but hundreds of men and one woman does not a tribe make. So we have evolved to place a base level of automatic value on a womb.

This means that whilst men need to work to remind a woman that they are valuable, most women are automatically valuable to most men. He is probably already afraid that you are too valuable for him, that you have options and that you can leave.

2: Do not threaten or corner him.

Threats are superflous as male relationship anxiety is internal. Dread on females is external because our romantic choices are external. Allow me to explain.

As women inherently have value, a man’s selection criteria are purely based on his own sexual and emotional desires. Who he wants to reproduce with is an internal process. It doesn’t matter if every man in his tribe wants woman X, if he is wired to fancy woman Y, he will fancy her. And, as long as both are fertile, it doesn’t matter that he chooses Y. Over the years, men have developed some shared preferences (hourglass figures, squishy thighs and buttocks, young face) and some personal preferences (red hair, long toes, shorter figure). But all these preferences are an inbuilt mechanism.

But as men do not inherently have value, women need to select men based on their added value, their external value. In one tribe, they may subsist on fish and need many fishermen. The women who select the best fishermen as partners bring more children to adulthood and their children also do better in life. But if a hundred years later the tribe finds masses of rabbit warrens, that generation of women needs to find the best rabbit hunters. Our desire has some internal basis, but, in principle, we desire partners based on external factors.

Therefore, when a man threatens with leaving or corners a woman emotionally, he is showing off. He is showing that he has external value that makes him better than the next guy. You know, in case she was thinking of leaving. He is basically saying “I can leave, I have options, don’t think you can crawl back to me when you make a bad decision”.

But the same doesn’t work for the woman. Because a man knows his woman has options. By virtue of existing, however apparently infertile she is, there will be someone who wants her. Because her value is internal to the man observing her.

By threatening, a woman isn’t saying “I have options”, he already knows she does. She is saying “I am taking another option”. Therefore, threats and cornering won’t just make a man closer to you, they could trigger extreme jealousy, anger or even make him give up, because you’ve clearly found someone better.

3: Do not withhold or control resources.

Another way a man can employ dread is by limiting a woman’s access to resources. If he is the main breadwinner, his status is greater than hers, he gets free perks or he is her only source of sex, then withholding these things sends home a message. It reminds her of everything she would lose were she to stray, that she is not entitled to anything he offers and that he is willing and capable of removing it at a moment’s notice.

Women rarely have the upper hand in terms of resources because, by our very nature, we usually get those resources from men. Even when a woman has her own resources, sex, food and status are easily attainable to many men. Men can even do with very little or without some resources, if that means they have more freedom and opportunities.

When a man withholds sex, a woman either must leave or win him back. When a woman withholds sex, a man starts looking elsewhere.

When a man withholds money, a woman must either leave or win him back. When a woman withholds money, a man starts making his own.

When a man withholds status, a woman must either leave or win him back. When a woman withholds status, a man would rather go without.

Whatever you take away from him physically, he will either do without or find elsewhere. By putting up that barrier you are encouraging him to turn away, not to climb it.

So we’ve seen what we can’t do. But what can a woman do to remind her man of her worth, of her freedom to leave and her needs and desires?

4: Keep calm and polite.

Being standoffish, aggressive and selfish will not make you look like a girl in demand. You are a girl in demand because you’re a girl. That won’t be the first thing he thinks when you get angry. It will just make you look undesirable. Why does he want to be with a girl who snaps over the smallest thing, or insults him over every argument? He can surely do better than her.

However, turn that around. If you can remain calm in almost every situation and master your emotions to a point where even you, yourself, stop caring so much about minor things, then you become more desirable. Who is this girl who can take a joke, go through some pain and still smile and relax at the end of the day?

If you are always polite and courteous, then he will not end every argument thinking he can do better than you. You will possibly even stand out as one of the few women he’s dated who can take an argument seriously without throwing ad hominems.

By making sure you are relaxed, balanced, polite and gentle at all times, he will not harbour any memories of the pain you caused him. He will instead be able to appreciate your efforts towards the relationship.

5: Nurture.

Another thing women are often very good at, but that we’re losing a little is our nurturing nature. Whether it’s a child, a cat or even a work project, we care for things closely, tenderly and carefully to ensure they fully develop.

And that is most men’s most intimate non-sexual experience of women. From his mother and grandmothers, to teachers and mentors, men grow up around women who nurture them to help them grow and develop. Some even become dependent on this nurturing to work hard and fail to thrive when there is nobody to congratulate and reward them.

Many girlfriends and wives fail to nurture their partners. In part, this is instinctive. We would, in a wild world, have babies and elderly parents and livestock that needed our nurturing more than our husbands. And men don’t really need to be constantly nurtured. They are well-equipped with a desire to better themselves for its own sake and a fear of failure.

But when a man is motivated by more than fear, he will often throw extra effort into his entire life. By nurturing your husband, keeping him relaxed, happy, fed and motivated to grow, you are making sure his quality of life improves dramatically. And he will associate that change with you and want to keep you around.

6: Be available.

Whereas men often withdraw resources such as sex, money, emotions or safety so as to remind a woman that he improves her life, we can benefit more from doing the opposite.

Men already know full well that women don’t need to provide. In fact, their many experiences and observations on women have already shown them that most women don’t want to provide or are even averse to it.

By doing your best to meet his needs, provide for him and give him everything you can you are telling him that you are different. And you don’t even have to actually give your all. Something as simple as listening to him complain about a day at work or making his favourite dinner will already tell him that you stand out. When so few women take a single step in this direction, being the one to go the whole mile often makes you by far his best prospect.

7: Be attractive.

Men are primarily attracted to our looks. It is their internal desire, the love that motivates healthy reproduction. So take care of those looks.

If you let yourself go he may start taking you for granted. This is literally the only situation where a man can undervalue his woman’s ability to find a new partner. When she gains an extra 20lbs, cuts her hair a way he doesn’t like or stops wearing makeup, he sees her as less attractive and this makes him assume that other men will see her as less attractive. He assumes that as he doesn’t want to work to keep you, other men won’t work to get you.

By keeping as attractive as you can, you keep him on his toes. Regardless of what you look like, how old you are, what you wear or where you come from, if you

A: try and be as attractive as possible to him and

B: put in a little effort each day

you will get complimented on your looks, your efforts, your style, etc. And he will like you. Combine the two and he will be reminded that you are still desirable and that thousands of men across the world would gladly replace him if he needed replacing.

8: Be gregarious.

The final step to female dread is to be gregarious. That is, to meet people, see people, talk to people and have fun. How you do this depends on you and him. Something like inviting his friends over to dinner and letting him see them compliment you and your cooking could be a firm reminder. Or he may need to see you dressed to the nines in an upscale bar with guys fighting to buy you drinks. The key here is that you don’t need to do anything on top of that. Just be your usual self, plus what you do for him. It will be enough to attract some attention and he will, trust me, definitely notice that his woman is getting attention.

And that is how a woman can apply dread. Skip the threats, the online dating accounts left open, the withdrawal of sex or the long nights out. Instead, be a joy to be around, an asset to his life, the easiest partner he’ll have (only once he has you, mind) and someone attractive and desirable to him. He will dread leaving you.

TTFN and Happy Hunting.

Disclaimer: Yes, it’s a little cold and cruel on the surface. The concept of dread is inherently troublesome to men and women alike because it kills our illusion of choice.

Using female dread as the example: a woman buys her husband a stash of his favourite chocolate bars, this makes him like her more.

He likes to think that she did it because she just felt like it and that he chose her out of his own free will. When he is aware of female game, he starts questioning it. Perhaps she did it because she consciously knew it would make him more attracted. Perhaps she is making him choose her. The illusion of choice is killed. This can even make something nice, such as getting his favourite chocolate bars, seem unpleasant.

When we are unaware of dread it’s easy to just think of such things as natural, loving, automatic behaviours. But when we are aware of dread, we realize that either on a biological or a conscious level, our partners are manipulating us into loving them.

It hurts to accept. But this is how it would be, whether we knew about it or not. And by knowing about it we can better use dread to our advantage.

Two Weeks in the Life of the Rural Housewife.

Two Weeks in the Life of the Rural Housewife.

“So what is it you do all day?”

Two Weeks in the Life of the Rural Housewife.

See Also:

Elspeth’s Week in the Life of a Suburban Housewife.

A Week in the Life of Hearthie.

Introduction.

Inspired by LGR’s extract from “A Lesser Life” and Elspeth’s counterpoint, I decided to actually document what I do over the course of two weeks. Now, I am under no illusions that I work more hours than Jon or that my work is harder. He is by far making the greater sacrifice to keep us in this house and guarantee our happiness. However, I don’t believe I spend all day messing around online either. I predict that this will show that either online time or art time is a bit excessive, if not both, but I am hoping it will be a realistic illustration into the life of a woman who works hard at home to improve the couple’s financial situation, leisure time and independence.

End of Fortnight Review.

[Seeing as the records below are a bit too much to expect anyone with a half-lively mind to read, I’d recommend at least going through one day so that this will make sense.]

So, as predicted I do actually spend most of the day on chores. I don’t whiz through the housework by half eight or nine and sit around blogging all day. But why is it that I kept so busy?

  1. Of course, my main tasks aren’t many more than a 50s housewife’s. And, having no children, they are lessened and made easier. But the more personal jobs and the little jobs around the sides really do add up. Every child, pet and square foot of garden, for example, mean something that needs attending to at least once per day. Having no children means that all I have is the garden and the pets. But that’s still time.
  2. Seeing as Jon is the main earner and has other things to do when he gets home, that means cooking and buying food in fall on me. Shopping economically, foraging, preserving and cooking all take a reasonable amount of time.
  3. Then we have the secretarial tasks. Even without my work, there would still be emails to send, eBay sales to manage, phonecalls to make and research to do. Things Jon doesn’t have the time or means to do when he’s at work. We also have the tasks that just build up, or happen. Tidying is a day-long job, especially  when many other tasks are being done or when it’s more than just yourself in the house. Cooked lunch? Time to tidy. Child/pet emptied a laundry hamper? Time to tidy. Lessons ended? Time to tidy. Putting things back in their right places keeps a house neat and comfortable and saves a whole weekend of organizing, but it does add up over the day. It’s like you’re playing a continual game of tug-o-war against mess and dirt, where letting your guard down for a day or so loses you a disproportionate amount of ground.
  4. And finally, the work doesn’t really end in the morning, or at lunch, or when we go to work or when hubby gets home. It only truly ends when we go to bed or go to sleep.

However none of this is bad. We seem to associate chores with the stress and pain of being forced to do them as a child, or having to do them after a long day of work, but these are not punishments: they’re jobs that need doing. There’s a reason that suffragette housewives going on strike actually had an effect. When the children aren’t dressed or fed properly, when they miss school or don’t do their homework, that’s abuse. When the house is dirty, moldy and damp, that’s unhygienic. When everything is out of place, that’s stressful. When the animals aren’t properly cared for, that’s cruelty. When the garden grows wild that’s a waste. Your house is where you recharge your batteries after a stressful day, hide from people and things you don’t want to see, raise your children, keep your more precious belongings. All this is what makes it a home to most people. A house in disarray provides no shelter or comfort. And maybe when it’s just the one person you can keep on top of the basics so that it’s at least accommodating after a day at work. But the more you add to a house the more needs taking care of, especially when you add more people. When you want a large home, an attractive garden, good meals, many children, dinner parties and plenty of spare time after work to relax and recharge for the next day, someone needs to keep everything tidy, every room clean, every living being fed and happy, so that everyone else can relax. When there are no housewives, everyone must pull more weight than before, either to pay for someone to do their work or to do their jobs in their own free time.

Of course, it sounds like the fairer option, but it’s arguably the least economically wise. When first thing after coming home you must do the laundry, set the table and feed the cat, you look forward to your home less and less, regardless of whether you’re a CEO or a schoolchild. People are less motivated to do well in their more stressful endeavors when they come home to even more stress. When you hire a nanny, a housekeeper and a gardener and eat out all the time you are costing yourself money, no matter how many extra hours you put in to pay for it. When the house degrades there is nothing pleasant to come home to, so the household dynamics degrade also and everyone spends more time outside the house, making almost everything under the roof unnecessary.

So a good housewife is neither a lazy parasite taking in someone’s hard-earned cash and playing bridge all day, nor an underpaid, overworked maid. A housewife is simply a different beast entirely to an employed or unemployed person. A housewife has more free time between 8 and 5 than an office-worker, but does by far more hours of work than someone who is unemployed. The work-day starts when the eyes open and ends when they close, but is nicely divided up with coffee-breaks, TV shows and bonding time with a healthy, happy family. Of course, a housewife’s work is not directly moneyed, however it can encourage the earners to put in more hours, not take days off for secretarial work and finish their work in good time, which results in more household money, which earns her keep. The results are similar to those of being employed in a well-paid job. A businessperson may earn a lot of money, but spend a large portion of it on house maintenance, travel, meals out, nannies and daycare with a comfortable remainder for leisure. The housewife earns the remainder by proxy, through the extra work the earner can put in, has all the jobs done and saves the money that would have been spent on labour. The only missing variable is tax. Likewise, a housewife’s work is not a back-breaking, dull job nobody would ever enjoy. Many people choose house maintenance, cookery, childcare, animal keeping or gardening as their moneyed jobs. Of course, housekeeping is a job that encompasses many small jobs and there are jobs that we don’t like, but the variety is welcome and every form of work has jobs you would rather not do. Housekeeping is just another job in most ways: you earn your quality of life, you are free to leave and find another job, you can fit in a second job, there are parts you like and dislike, you have work time and downtime. In fact, as a tutor working from home, it’s very similar to being self-employed: you work your own hours, your breaks are longer, you may work two or ten hours a day, you may have a quiet week or a busy one and finally, you’re completely at the mercy of your own prior choices, of other humans with no obligation to pay you, of sheer chance. But many people will likely view the tutoring work as a more noble and valuable pursuit than the housework. And the main reason is that the tutoring provides cold, hard cash. Even if it provides less for me, I am helping strangers to meet their goals for which I will receive nothing but monetary reward, where my earnings are inconsistent and dependent on people to whom it matters nothing whether or not I eat. But I guess money is more important than suck fickle things as stability, home, family, happiness or fulfillment.

My conclusion? Jon definitely does the lion’s share of the work. He puts up with a work environment he doesn’t enjoy, he can’t just cancel a week because he feels a bit unwell, he brings home the consistent and usually the largest paycheck. As such he is the master of the house, he gets more say in what happens over the weekend, he always gets asked about larger expenses before they happen and he even gets a say in whether or not I’m allowed to take time off my tutoring work. He is the financial pillar of the household and that earns him some respect. However I also work hard to pull my weight, not out of some desire to outcompete him, to balm my guilt or to feel like I’m smashing some magical social force. It’s because we’re a team. The work we do should complement each other, so as to better the quality of life shared by the household. He is our financial pillar. His time and energy is dedicated to work that means a stable income that is high enough to support us both even if I weren’t working at all. I am our leakage manager and financial bolster. My time and energy is dedicated to work that saves us money and makes some extra money on the side. Both improve our quality of life. It is not a zero-sum-game where someone wins and someone loses, but a self-regenerating cycle of brilliance: He brings home the paycheck so we can afford a large house with a garden. Having the space, I made a spare room into a classroom so I could work from home and earn us more money. As I can afford to work from home I have eliminated any travel costs and time associated with work. This means I earn more money per hour, which results in more time to invest into housework. This means Jon doesn’t have to do any housework at all. This means he has both more time to put into work and more time to put into leisure. Which means even more money for the household. Which gives me time to forage, tend to chickens, grow our own food, hunt for bargains and plan leisure time. Which allows us to live a very high quality life. We eat largely fresh meat and vegetables. We get home-baked bread, assorted fish, game, berries, nuts and cakes. We have a weights room equipped with barbells, dumbbells and stands as well as other assorted items and we make regular use of it. We have National Trust and RSPB memberships. We go to London from time to time. We have a well-kept, attractive garden that provides us with fruit, vegetables and eggs from our hens as well as a place to sit outside and enjoy a cider in the Summer. We go on long walks, we hold dinner parties, our house is nicely decorated and furnished with everything we need and desire, our wine stand is stocked as is our bookshelf. We’re planning for a child, for some job changes, for a smallholding. We further each other as well as ourselves. It’s a joint endeavour. And whilst that’s not what a housewife necessarily does, it’s what a housekeeper should do.

The Records.

Monday 15th September.

6:30- Alarm went off. Very tired from last night. Woke up, turned it off, dozed.

7:00- Got out of bed. Changed hens’ water, fed hens, opened the coop. Fed cat, put kettle on.

7:20- Returned to bed with Jon.

9:00- Woke up properly, responded to a few emails.

9:15- Blog, started writing this.

9:30- Got up, washed and dressed. Tidied house (make the bed, put away dirty and bed clothes, put some posters up, take cups downstairs, put cat toys away, take everything to its respective room, clean litter tray, put away food in pots), washed dishes, put away laundry, put new load of laundry through. Film in background (Dreamworks Short Stories and The Eye).

11:00- Sent students homework. Ate quick breakfast (2 pre-prepared hard boiled eggs, cream cheese and cucumber on home-made spiced bread) whilst working.

11:25- Prepped Jon’s supplement pillbox for the week. Changed the bins.

11:30- Making jam. Continue with film (The Eye).

12:50- Found spare car keys and WD-40 for Jon as his main set of keys got jammed in the lock. Made tea.

13:00- Heated curry for Jon’s lunch and stew for mine. Had lunch with Jon.

13:30- Continued making jam.

14:10- Ran out of jars for jam. Tidied up. Looking for more jars on eBay. Mess around online.

14:30- Hung up washed laundry. Changed hens’ bedding. Let hens range on lawn. Tidied house.
15:00- Messing around online.16:00- Checked hens. Collected peas and beans for dinner.

16:20- Checked tutoring sites for more potential students.

16:25- Started listing eBay items.

16:40- Washed dishes, sorted computer problem.

17:40- Herded hens back to coop.

17:50- Prepared dinner. Messing around online.

19:00- Started weights with Jon.

20:00- Put hens to bed. Had dinner. Watched TV with Jon.

22:30- Went to bed.

Tuesday 16th September.

7:00- Got up. Fed hens and cat. Cleaned litter-tray. Got breakfast ready and put kettle on.

7:10- Had breakfast.

7:45- Let hens out into garden. Saw Jon off. Showered. Cleaned bathroom.

8:05- Tidied bedroom, moved everything to its respective place, washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen surfaces. (Film: Dark Skies.)

9:00- Made stew, messing around online.

9:35- Blogged.

10:30- Tidied the garden.

12:30- Finished stew, blogged, made shopping list.

12:50- Made tea, had lunch.

13:30- Headed into town to do shopping, banking, etc. Gathered hazelnuts on the walk home.

17:25- Got home. Tidied the shopping away. Put the hens in the run.

17:45- Made jam.

19:30- Watching TV with Jon.

20:00- Made dinner. Started shelling hazelnuts.

22:00- To bed.

Wednesday 17th September.

7:00- Got up. Fed hens, fed cat, cleaned litter-tray, had breakfast, let hens out.

8:00- Relaxed a little.

9:00- Got dressed. Tidied laundry away. Tidied everything back into its place.

9:50- Working out lunch recipes.

10:10- Shelling hazelnuts.

11:00- Preparing lunch.

12:00- Lunch in oven, shelling hazelnuts.

12:50- Had lunch.

13:30- Shelling hazelnuts.

14:30- Messing around online.

15:00- Tidying kitchen and washing plates.

15:45- DIY jobs.

16:30- Blogging.

17:25- Put hens into coop, open gate.

17:30- Shave legs, tend to nails. Film in bg (Wilderness).

18:15- Walk dogs, collect pears.

19:00- Weights with Jon. Put hens to bed.

20:15- Dinner.

21:00- Relaxing.

22:30- Bedtime.

Thursday 18th September.

7:00- Woke up, fed cat, fed hens, cleaned litter tray.

7:20- Back to bed. DOMS.

10:00- Got up. Washed patio, let hens out, washed dishes, tidied bedroom.

10:40- Blogging, making list of tasks.

11:10- Breakfast.

11:30- Making bread, pie, roasting hazelnuts.

12:50- Made lunch for Jon. Watched TV.

13:30- Tidying up after lunch.

14:00- Started chutney.

14:30- Tidied garden, put out bins.

14:45- Messing around online.

16:00- Finishing legs and nails.

17:00- Tidied beauty bag away, looking for pullets.

17:25- Tidied kitchen some more.

17:50- Put hens to bed.

18:00- Showered, made fish stew.

18:30- Messing around online.

19:00- Skype Dad.

20:00- Watch TV.

22:00- Bed.

Friday 19th September.

7:00- Got up, fed cat, cleaned litter tray. Got dressed.

7:30- Fed hens, let them out.

7:45- Prepared classroom.

8:10- Sorted emails, blog.

8:30- Lesson started.

10:30- Lesson ended. Coffee break.

10:45- Next lesson started.

11:30- Lesson ended.

11:45- Cleaning kitchen, washing dishes.

12:15- Messing around online.

12:50- Lunch with Jon.

13:30- Messing around online.

14:30- Emails.

15:00- Lesson starts.

17:00- Lesson ends. Tidying up classroom.

17:30- Feed cat. Have tea. Make shopping list.

18:00- Go shopping.

18:45- Walk dogs.

19:00- Mess around online.

20:00- Dinner.

21:00- Put cat and hens to bed. Watch TV,

22:00- Bed.

Saturday 20th September.

6:30- Get up, feed cat, feed hens, let hens out, clean litter tray. Back to bed.

9:15- Get up and dressed.

9:30- Prepare lesson.

10:00- Lesson starts.

12:00- Lesson ended. Tidying classroom.

12:15- Make and have a sandwich.

12:30- Go to post a letter with Jon.

13:00- Blogging.

13:25- Tidy kitchen, start stew and chutney.

13:40- Blogging.

14:30- Weights with Jon.

16:00- Emails and homework. Lesson plans.

18:30- Walk dogs.

19:00- Messing around online.

20:00- Made chutney. Tidied kitchen.

21:00- Blogging. Messing around online.

21:50- Tidying kitchen and living room, photographing selling things for eBay.

22:30- To bed.

Sunday 21st September:

7:15- Got up, fed cat, fed hens, cleaned litter tray, put kettle on, put rubbish out, let hens into garden.

7:45- Back to bed.

9:00- Got up, got dressed, tidied bedroom, made Jon breakfast, had tea.

10:00- Went shopping and foraging.

12:30- Got home, unpacked, tidying kitchen.

13:30- Shelling hazelnuts.

14:30- Make Jon lunch. Shelling hazelnuts.

15:15- Messing around online.

15:30- Hoovering, laundry.

16:35- Put up sign on gate.

16:55- Making Jon tea, weights.

17:30- Dinner at Pat’s.

19:10- Home, drinks and a film.

21:00- Make tea, put the cat to bed.

22:00- Bed, drinks, TV.

Monday 22nd September:

6:45- Got up, started breakfast, fed cat and hens.

7:15- Sat with Jon.

8:00- Emails, eBay, messing around online.

9:00- Got dressed, tidied house.

9:20- Put laundry out.

9:30- Washed dishes, tidied kitchen.

9:50- Prepared lesson.

10:00- Lesson.

12:00- Lesson ended, tidied up.

12:10- Made lunch.

12:50- Lunch with Jon.

13:30- Let hens out.

13:35- Getting changed. Tidied kitchen, did dishes.

14:10- Messing around online.

14:30- Change chicken coop.

15:00- Go to town. Drs, shop, hazelnuts.

18:00- Home. Made stew.

19:00- Shelling hazelnuts.

20:30- Had dinner. Messed around online.

21:20- To bed.

Tuesday 21st September.

7:00- Got up, fed cat and hens, showered, back to bed.

9:45- Got up and dressed, let hens into garden, collected herbs.

10:00- Baking.

12:00- Making lunch.

12:50- Lunch with Jon.

13:30- Preparing for lessons.

14:00- Lessons.

18:00- Lessons over. Tidying classroom, sending homework. Fed cat.

19:00- Cooking.

19:30- Relaxing evening with Jon.

22:30- To bed.

Wednesday 24th September.

7:15- Got up, fed hens, fed cat, sorted breakfast and teas.

7:45- Prepared for lessons.

8:30- Lessons.

11:30- Lessons over. Sent homework, making lunch.

12:50- Lunch with Jon.

13:30- Planning next lesson. Blogging.

14:00- Lesson starts.

15:30- Lesson ends. Tidying classroom, sending homework, checking eBay.

16:00- Doing some research for Jon.

16:45- Relaxing, painting. Watching Goosebumps.

17:30- Make tea. Sit with Jon.

18:30- Painting. Watching Goosebumps.

20:00- Making dinner. Eating dinner.

22:00- Bed.

Thursday 25th September.

7:05- Fed cat, fed hens, put kettle on, made breakfast.

7:45- Got dressed, did laundry. Watching Goosebumps.

8:25- Did dishes, tidied kitchen, sorted emails.

9:15- Painting, watching Goosebumps.

10:30- Tidying, cooking.

11:47- Blogging, phone calls, cooking.

12:20- Making lunch.

12:50- Lunch with Jon.

13:30- Preparing for lessons.

14:00- Lessons start.

17:45- Lessons end.

18:00- Blogging.

18:40- Laundry.

19:00- Relaxing, watching TV, blogging.

20:05- Heating dinner.

21:00- Attending to hens.

22:00- To bed.

23:00- Shower. Back to bed.

Friday 26th September.

6:45- Got up, fed hens, let hens out, treated injured hen, fed cat.

7:05- Packed Jon’s bag. Having coffee with Jon.

7:45- Let the car out. Blogging.

8:00- Messing around online.

9:00- Depressive peak. Forced crying so as to get it out of the way before work.

9:35- Preparing for lessons.

10:05- Lesson starts.

12:00- Lesson ended. Making lunch.

12:50- Lunch with Jon.

13:30- Relaxing, messing around online.

14:00- Preparing for next lessons.

14:15- Lessons start.

17:10- Lessons over. Tidying up.

17:20- Put hens in coop, fed cat, prepared for shopping.

18:00- Shopping.

19:10- Weights with Jon.

20:30- Making tea and dinner.

21:00- Dinner.

22:00- Drinks, TV.

23:00- To bed.

Saturday 27th September.

7:55- Got up, fed cat, fed hens, cleaned litter tray.

8:15- Measured Jon for weights records.

8:45: Got dressed, having breakfast and coffee.

9:15- Tidying house, did dishes, ready to go out.

9:55- Blogging.

10:20- Headed out to Derby. Opticians, shops, market.

13:45- Home. Unpacked, cooking food.

14:00- Had lunch. Tidied.

14:20- Blogging. TV.

16:00- Tidying kitchen, bins.

16:45- Sitting in with Jon’s weights..

17:30- Tidying house. Preparing for lesson.

18:00- Setting up. Watching TV.

19:00- Lesson started.

20:00- Lesson ended. Tidying up, emails, helped Jon with a form.

21:00- Made dinner. Had dinner with Jon.

22:00- To bed, watching TV

00:00- Very late night.

Sunday 28th September.

7:00- Got up, fed hens, checked injured hen (healing well), closed garden, let hens out.

7:15- Back to bed.

10:30- Got up showered.

11:00- Tidied, made breakfast.

12:00- Cleaned kitchen, did dishes.

12:20- Emails, student hunting, homework.

12:50- Getting ready to go out.

13:00- Setting off to Carsington Waters.

15:40- Home, unpacking shopping.

15:45- Making stew.

16:00- Blogging, relaxing, messing around online.

16:35- Making stew, having coffee and watching TV.

17:00- To Pat’s for dinner and dogs.

19:00- Home. Cleaning bathroom, finishing stew.

20:00- Sorting laundry, packing eBay sales, sending emails.

21:00- Read, watched TV.

22:00- To bed.