How To… be better than your man.

Confused? Let me explain.

If we aim to be excellent homemakers, we are therefore aiming to improve ourselves. And in this improvement we should find that in some areas we begin to surpass our partner. After all, the breadwinner, even if they are also working on self-improvement, will be excelling in other areas. They may have been a great cook to begin with, but we aim to be an excellent cook. They have no interest in gardening or DIY but we are mastering them both. In short: in some aspects we will be better. And there is a right way to handle this. We will use budgeting as an example, as it is a personal one I have more knowledge on.

1: Acknowledge each other’s abilities.

Regardless of what your relationship dynamic, acknowledge and accept that even if you are great at budgeting, this does not make you superior as a human being. First of all, your superiority in this area does not mean they are no good at all at budgeting. And secondly, they are better in other areas which at other times may be more important.

Key here is also that they acknowledge your abilities. To say you are great at budgeting in no way takes away from the fact that they can handle their budgeting when they need to, nor does it cancel out their own abilities.

2: Acknowledge your own limitations.

Likewise, we need to accept our limitations. Just because we are better at budgeting does not make us absolute experts. There will be nuances they are more familiar with, or the situation may be one that you have not handled yet. It is impossible to know everything.

Again, your partner is likely aware of their personal limitations. They know that you have an edge in most areas and are unlikely to be being stubborn when they refuse your help. It is more likely that the nuances and your limitations concern them.

3: When a decision involves you both, talk about it first.

Regardless of how expert you are at budgeting, or whether or not your skills are superior, do not make decisions that involve them without talking about it. It is one thing to offer advice from experience or to make a final decision when it is up to you. It is another thing entirely to walk up to your partner and declare you’ve moved your life savings into a form of investment. Even if the end decision is exactly what you expected it to be: don’t assume, ask.

4: When they are struggling, offer help.

When the final decision is up to them, do not attempt to wrangle it from them or undermine them. Instead, offer your advice and let them listen to as much as they want or need to. If the decision affects you both, your partner will be willing to hear reasonable input. And if they are genuinely having a hard time, they may welcome some help. But the key is to offer, never to force.

5: Do your best, but know when to back down.

Sometimes your awareness of the specifics is not good enough to carry you through. Sometimes they are determined to make a certain decision even though you fear it. Know when it is not your place to try and control your partner and back down. If you need to, take action to safeguard yourself. But do not turn an offer of help into a “do what I say or else”.

Quite simply: don’t try and control your partner’s life just because you have more knowledge or skills in a highly specific area; but also do not let them make you act against your knowledge or best interests. Communicate, be kind, be humble.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

 

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.
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Can We Both ‘Marry Up’?

It is a common assumption made by most dating resources and, indeed, most people, that relationships are a zero-sum game: that someone has to be better for having the other, and that for that to happen, the other must therefore be worse, having made a sacrifice to improve their partner. But I have already discussed why this is not necessarily the case.

What I’m getting to today, thanks to an interesting post by IB last week, is the mentality that brings about this assumption. Because there actually seems to be a step in between “I observe that most relationships are unbalanced” and “therefore there has to be a loser”. And that step is “everyone wants to marry up”.

In and of itself, the statement is innoccuous: of course everyone wants to marry up. We want the genetically fittest partner we can get, as well as a compatible one, so we look out for one who is generally an improvement on us. Sexier, richer, younger, more mature, more famous, brighter, etc. Thus, we look for something better. But the implication is that for someone to be better than us, they must be “hyper”, or “above” us. Thus, we win and they lose.

But the reality is that we also seek compatibility in our genetic fitness. The masculine seek the feminine, the feminine seek the masculine. The creative seek the scientific, the scientific seek the creative. The doctors seek the nurses or the patients. The artists seeks the muse, the model an artist. We want someone who can do what we cannot, what we either do not have the time or the energy or the skills to do. If it had a term, it would be “paideiagamy”: the pursuit of someone who rounds us out, who makes us a complete unit of society.

And this is where we find that middle ground of “marrying up”.

You see, there are two ways of marrying up.

The first is when partner A is clearly beneath partner B. Not just in one aspect, but as a sum total of their desirable qualities. In these cases, only two results are possible. Either partner B becomes idle, and lets slide the characteristics that made them better, causing an evenly married couple where partner A resents partner B for “bait and switch” and partner B resents partner A for “ruining B’s life”. Or partner B continues to work on improvement, or at least maintenance and grows distant, causing partner A to become insecure about the quality gap, causing anger on both sides. In short, you cannot just “marry up” and rest on your laurels.

But there is another kind of marrying up. This is where the partners are either equal or equivalent. Equal in that they are approximately the same in all desirable qualities. Or equivalent in that, despite specific differences, their sum total of desirability is even. However both partners are focused on improving themselves and extend that efford to each other. In working to improve each other, they end up with a continually better partner: one who gives them better access to that which they desire. But they are also improving, incentivizing their partner to also invest in them. Through this process, each member of a couple will appear to have benefitted greatly from the relationship. Their friends and family will compliment the quality of their partner for “fixing” them. But in reality both have improved.

Of course, the second kind of marrying up is all an illusion. Neither married someone objectively better than themselves. You’ve just married your approximate equal and both encouraged each other to improve, giving the impression to everyone but yourselves that one of you struck gold. But “true” marrying up is as much a recipe for failure as marrying down, or being lazy in a relationship are.

So the answer is: Not really. You can’t both marry someone better than you, not in absolute terms. But being unable to both “marry up” does not lead to “zero-sum game”. You can just as easily marry an equivalent, a slight superior or a slight inferior and end up both vastly better off for it. Which may make others assume you married up after all!

Ultimately, you can only win at the game when you play it together.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

What is your perspective on improvement through relationships? And what would your paideiagamy look like: focus on complementarity, on similarity, on contrasts, on better qualities..? Do you think there are any more steps to the disillusion->marry-up->zero-sum-game mentality?

 

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.

Being All You Can Be. Part I: Quantity and Quality.

When we hear someone tell us to be all we can be, we often confuse this with “be the best you can be”. If you are a writer, be the best writer you can be, if you are a housewife, be the best housewife you can be, if you are a police officer, be the best police officer you can be. But being the best you can be is only one half of the equation. To be all we can be we not only need to have the quality (be the best you can be), but we also need to fulfill a quantity quota (be the most you can be).

For example, I am sure that when I mentioned the writer, housewife, police officer explanations you imagined three different people. But one person could just as easily be all three. We are not just the thing we do most often, or the thing we make money from, or the thing we love: we are the sum total of everything we do. So not only would this woman want to be the best she can be in all three categories, she needs to acknowledge that all three categories are a part of her and that excluding any one of them to make herself better at another is not being all she can be, it’s simply redirecting whilst staying the same.

Thus, I put forward that whoever you are and whatever you do, in order to be all you can be you must do everything you can and achieve everything your heart desires. Quantity and quality alike. This series will be short, to the point and with plenty of room for thought or addition from you readers, so feel free to chip in! In Part II I will discuss the concept of self-sufficiency and the potential we all have for independence.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

 

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.

How To… motivate yourself.

I get it: you don’t want to. I don’t even know what you want to do yet and I know you don’t want to. I can feel the intensity of not-want from here. But you really want the results. And sadly, when you want results you have to work for them. So here are a few pointers to get you on track.

1: Make it a surprise or do it together.

If your plans involve someone else, then it’s all or nothing. Either they are doing this with you, or it’s better not to tell them.

It has been scientifically proven that talking about your goals casually gives you the same positive energy boost as achieving them. Being acknowledged and listened to matters more than losing weight, quitting smoking or finishing that novel.

Besides that, it is also proven that people who aren’t improving themselves will try and sabotage those who are. Make your plans secret from such people.

If your friend or partner are all in, then that’s a different matter. But otherwise, make your self improvement a secret.

2: Visualize less, plan more.

Visualizing is a trap. The more you imagine yourself to be the perfect person you want to be, the less likely you are to actually strive for it, the less prepared you are for setbacks and the less likely you are to accept improvement over perfection. People who visualize and daydream more tend to be less likely than average to achieve their dream.

Throw away that perfect inspirational picture, stop imagining fame and glory, leave behind your dream job and focus on planning our the steps towards actually improving, one ladder rung at a time.

3: Plan less, do more.

In the same vein, the more time you spend planning, the less time you spend doing.

Give some serious thought to a rough plan you will be able to follow. Write yourself a schedule with a bit of flexibility. Then stop planning and start doing.

Too many plans take up your time and energy and can leave you falling into the visualization trap. Besides that, like fad diets, when your goal is 90% planning and only 10% practice, you are wasting time and energy on something other than results.

Move towards your results instead.

4: Give yourself a pep talk.

Sometimes you just need a coach behind you to tell you you’re doing great, to push you a bit further, to remind you of where you are heading. But if you’re working this hard path alone or you just happen to be alone when the desire to give up hits you, you need to give yourself that pep talk.

Remind yourself of your goal, of what you have done right, of what you have done wrong and of what your plans are. Don’t be too kind or forgiving, but don’t talk down to yourself either. Direct yourself to the right path.

5: Look at how far you’ve come and reward yourself.

Gamification is a recent concept in psychology that shows how turning your progress into a “game” can help you make more progress.

Rather than just looking at the start point and the end goal, measure your success in stages, like levels to a game, and reward yourself appropriately at each stage. The same mechanism that makes you hooked on a silly online game can hook you on self improvement!

And those are just some ways you can productively motivate yourself!

What do you do for motivation?

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

 

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.

New Year Objectives.

First lets review last year’s objectives.

My tangible goals for this first year of self-improvement were:

1: Be fluent in French.

I met this objective. My French is to a level I can consider fluent, although I will always strive to perfect it. I can now work tutoring, translating and writing in French, as well as enjoy French news, films and novels.

2: Speak at least GCSE standard German.

I missed this objective by quite a margin, so I will recycle it this year. I started strong, but got waylaid as I delved into work and other objectives and my German level hasn’t really moved since May.

3: Get to a point where my artwork is selling.

I only just met this objective by selling a couple of paintings and scoring three ghostwriting deals in the past month. Gods bless the internet.

4: Get to a point where my tutoring is providing the £50-100/week minimum I should contribute.

Objective met, hugely exceeded and I’m really glad it was, seeing as I may be the main earner for a few months in the New Year. Hoping Jon will find his feet quickly and get a new paycheck soon, but anything could go wrong, so I’ll need to keep earning around £300-500/week to keep us steady. In early January it may be hard, but from February it will definitely be back to usual earnings.

5: Get my garden and chicken-keeping started.

The garden has been kept beautiful, though it’s a bit dead and snowed under at the moment. The flowers are very attractive and I look forward to their return in the New Year. We got a great harvest of parsnips, broccoli, lettuce, herbs, beans and radishes and a moderate harvest of tomatoes, potatoes and courgettes. Heavens know what happened to the beets, swedes, pumpkins, melons and peppers, though! Despite the illness that took the flock, I have learned a lot about keeping laying hens and look forward to getting some pullets late next Spring.

6: Finish writing two books.

Not really met. I finished my novel and started the second book. And my guide to economizing is about 2/3 there. Haven’t started my book on beginners housekeeping yet. I’ve written a few children’s books, but that hardly counts.

7: Deadlift, squat and shrug my bodyweight.

Objective not met. My deadlift died a death when I started getting back tension that wrecked my form, but I’ll try again soon. Last I did them they were at 35/65kg for doubles. Squats are at 40/65kg for doubles at the moment. Shrugs are not on the rota right now, but are at 45/65kg for sets of five.

My less tangible goals for this first year of self-improvement were:

1: Keep fit and healthy.

Met. I have maintained my body weight, increased my weightlifting and flexibility, lost some fat and even decreased my WHR by shrinking my waist and “gaining” in the chest and hip areas. I’ve been generally eating well, even if I abuse carbs and coffee from time to time, have eaten plenty of organic vegetables, fresh meat, some game, own produce and foraged fruit. Almost every single meal has been cooked from scratch. As a percentage, well under 1% of meals were not made by me and under 5% included pre-prepared sauces or products containing dubious substances.

2: Learn as many skills as possible pertaining to running a home.

Met. I can now: darn, knit, bake, make jam, make pickles, make chutney, grow various plants, keep hens, keep a cat, clean a car, light and cook in a fire, control mold outbreaks, iron, hand-wash, bleach things, scent a house, cut and dry kindling and logs, make useful bags and household items, coupon shop, make compost and hold dinner parties. A total of 23 new relevant skills.

3: Be as self-sufficient as possible.

Met. We supplies our own eggs, greens, potatoes and beans. Soon I will not have touched benefits in a year. I have earned my keep through housework and paid my keep in moneyed work.

4: Read whenever possible.

Not fully met. I have had chances to read that I have used watching animes, documentaries or films whilst crafting.

5: Paint whenever possible.

Not fully met. I have slacked a bit in the past few months. Although general crafting has been continually productive.

6: Experiment more in the kitchen.

Met. I have worked out several ways of making Paleo baked goods, of keeping the WWW interesting, of using a roast or reusing leftovers. I have made my own chocolates and oat bars for Jon.

7: Keep the house in order and Jon happy throughout.

Seeing as this was something that wasn’t really for me (well, not directly), I am asking Jon to rate it out of 10 and add his commentary.

“House in order would be a 9/10. There have been times when we have been busy, but other than that it’s always been in order. She has kept me happy to the best of her ability, but with the issues I’ve had with work and health it must have been a difficult job.”

That gives me a total of 9/14 goals met, or 64%. Obviously the unmet goals are mostly at 50% completion, not 0%, but it wouldn’t be right to count them as successes. And 50+% success isn’t bad at all.

So, with everything in mind, what are my goals for the new year?

Tangible goals:

1: Make £50/day, 6 days a week minimum so as to keep us supported until Jon gets his first new paycheck.

2: Finish “On a Budget” and write “The Beginner’s Guide to Housekeeping”. Self-publish both.

3: Speak at least GCSE level German.

4: Get certified as a native speaker of Spanish and a fluent speaker of French.

5: Deadlift, squat and shrug my bodyweight before I’m pregnant.

6: Continue to adhere to my #NoNothingNovember challenge.

7: Establish the eBay shop once Jon’s back at work and I’m pregnant. No upper limit, but would like to break £50/week in profits at least.

Less tangible goals:

1: Work towards TTC, prepare for the baby and learn about basic childcare.

2: Try and avoid buying most things new. Make, grow, buy second hand, barter/trade, buy in a charity shop. Always consider the cheap options before buying anything.

3: Grow and forage more plants than last year. Document growing and foraging.

4: Keep the blog as active as possible.

5: Read or craft whenever possible.

6: Continue attending events and clubs and holding dinner parties as soon as we’re stable enough.

7: Keep the house in order and Jon happy throughout.

As stated on the objectives page, there is no minimum number of goals I must achieve. It’s just a list of things to give my life direction and make the most of the year ahead. These objectives will not change, but if anything interferes with them I may postpone them or prioritize another one. Hopefully I can exceed this year’s 9/14. 🙂

#NoNothingNovember: A Happy, Low-Stress, Wealthier Home.

So, it’s officially no longer November. That means the challenge is up and I’m free to go back to my old ways if I wish to. I’m so glad I didn’t give up chocolate or coffee because that would be an instant reversion. :p

However, I’m fairly confident that I will be able to adhere to these changes.

I will keep an eye out for everyone else’s conclusions and add them to this post, by the way! Feel free to comment with your conclusion if you want to share. 🙂

So what was it I gave up?

Whilst there is no upper or lower limit to what you can give up or change, three seemed like a rounded number. This was not least of all because thinking of two problems was too easy, so adding a third, more-thought-out issue felt like the right way to balance it.

Most of the men doing #NNN were quitting porn/masturbation, video games and some form of mind-altering substance like illegal drugs, medication dependence and/or alcohol abuse. Most of the women were quitting spending too much/too frivolously, idling around instead of exercising, eating rubbish food and/or slacking on the housework. Now, if I’d set any of those goals for myself I could probably go into “perfect princess” mode, sat back and enjoyed November.

Whilst I drink alcohol and caffeine, they weren’t really options as I don’t drink very often (making a month easy) and caffeine controls some of the symptoms of my depression (making a month non-conductive to results).

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I have a pretty strong hold of my diet. I don’t watch actual TV, rather choosing to watch videos and on-demand whenever I actually have the time. I am very money-focused and hate to spend, even small amounts on necessary items are scrutinized before I allow myself them. I try and keep on top of the housework so, whilst it isn’t perfect, it wouldn’t take long at all to make it so. But I knew that I was losing time and gaining stress somewhere in my life and it definitely wasn’t “just one of them things”, as I’d been telling myself. We all have our flaws and, though it pained me, I had to dig just a tiny little bit deeper than stereotypes or common problems to find what was eating away at my time, my money and my sanity.

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Shockingly, the main one was time-wasting websites. (I bet you’re shocked, right?) Literally the first thing that came to mind was “You spend so much time trawling Buzzfeed, Cracked or TheBerry, never mind the websites you actually enjoy reading!” Of course, quitting the internet wasn’t realistic. As a from-home tutor, an online tutor, a writer, a proofreader, a translator, etc, I depend on the internet to advertise my services, hold online classes and find and submit writing work. There were a few websites I could block right off the bat. These were the ones that whenever I was bored I would click on. If I didn’t have internet access and was that bored, I would have done my work, just as I used to when spending 3-5 hours traveling by coach or train to see Jon. So if I blocked them permanently, I would definitely do more work. I also noticed that I spent too much time on useful websites that I use to advertise, learn or unwind. Therefore I gave myself 15 minutes every 6 hours to access those websites. Yes, between all of them. This meant I would update or check my ads, read the odd piece or chat to someone in the morning, do the same to relax around lunchtime and have one last gander once the working day was over.

I guess I won't be using this any more.

I guess I won’t be using this any more.

The next thing I chose to give-up was interrupting people. This one may genuinely shock some of you who know me online, but I am not the quietest, politest of people in real life. A combination of being reasonably bright, well-read and self-centred means that I am loud, opinionated and generally won’t let others get a word in edgeways. Giving up interruption is surprisingly hard, not least of all because I generally don’t care much for what other people are saying. However, it had become a habit that offended people around me and sometimes was directed at people whose opinions I did want to hear, it was so automatic. In order to stop myself from interrupting people I decided to employ the “Boo the Villains, Cheer the Heroes” mentality, listening carefully to what others were saying and constructing the narratives in my mind. I would apologize if I spoke over someone and shut up so they could speak. At first it confused a lot of people, but it was welcome soon enough.

I may still need this one, though.

I may still need this one, though.

Finally, and I had to think quite hard about this one, I decided I would give up stress. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Giving up stress is impossible. It’s a biological function to an unpleasant situation. It can even be good!” But I didn’t mean to fully choke and kill my stress response. All I wanted to do was get rid of unnecessary stress. I stress very easily. First sign of a problem and I panic, hide from it, procrastinate, spin a mountain out of a molehill and start getting physically unwell because I’m stressed. Which in turn stresses me more. All of this was fine (albeit very unpleasant) when I was just studying, could take any day off, could let the house turn into a pigsty. But it’s not so tolerable when you’re actually busy and need to get things done. In order to fight stress I applied a simple plan: whenever a problem arose, I would set a reasonable time-frame in which to fix it. I would then spend as much time as possible looking for a solution. If no solution was found, I would swallow my pride and ask the most suitable person for advice on the matter. As I had no solution of my own, I would have to adopt their solution. If their solution was impossible or very impractical or if they didn’t have a solution, I would just endure the problem until it ended and not stress about it, as it was unfixable and not worthy of stress.

At first everything was pretty difficult. Keeping off the blocked websites wasn’t much of an issue, but I found myself looking for more things to distract myself and having to subsequently block them also. Keeping from interrupting people was hard in and of itself. I found myself apologizing a lot more than I was stopping myself. And not getting stressed was fine until I became so overwhelmed I couldn’t think.

From the extra stresses of #NNN, website bans and a high workload, I found myself unable to unwind at the end of the day. Fifteen minutes of idly browsing the net just wouldn’t cut it. Instead of giving myself more idle browsing time, I did the opposite: without altering my main blocklists, I blocked most time-wasting sites from evenings other than Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Instead I focused on relaxing with Jon, cooking, watching cartoons, chatting and getting creative. The stress faded back and I was better able to sleep. I also improved my diet, cutting back carbs and wheat and controlling coffee intake, which further improved my mood and helped me concentrate on destressing.

Eventually, I employed more tactics for noninterruption, such as breathing deeply and paying attention to my own surroundings rather than my own mind. I found out that most people, even those who didn’t know how bad I used to be, will really take advantage of a situation where you aren’t talking. I get less socially exhausted when I don’t talk, but I find myself running out of patience very easily. I’ve started to largely surround myself with people who talk about pleasant or interesting topics and avoid those who go on about minor problems, fears and dull topics. I’m finding conversation more enjoyable now that I’ve improved the quality of the speakers.

people4

Likewise, the quality of material I’ve been reading has gone up. With only 30-45 minutes to spend on certain sites, I find myself not finishing duller articles, not opening clickbait or shock-value ones and largely looking out for things that actually interest me. I’m reading more solid articles and essays, more studies and more self-improvement, marketing and cooking themed blogs. I’ve even been able to delete some blogs I was following and haven’t clicked on in ages. I feel I’ve advanced my IQ an entire SD.

Unsurprisingly, wasting my time on clickbait, pictures, drawn-out conversations and stories whilst reading or discussing topics that are dull or frustrating with people who are boring or annoying had also been stressing me. Having no time left at the end of the day with little to show for it whilst mulling over inane topics or annoying voices in my mind would leave me feeling like I was wasting my time, which would stress me. Now that I’ve freed up my time and use my spare time productively I don’t feel bad about a slow day or a busy day or having work leftover for tomorrow. I also found myself less pre-emptively worried about incomplete work, a busy day ahead or problems that arose from rushing things. I work towards avoiding being in those situations again, but if I’m already there then stressing won’t change anything. Pushing things behind me and moving on has left me feeling better, with more free time to work with and with more money in my pocket. Being highly strung really does you no favours.

My final adjustments were to further limit my Twitter access and cut out a number of websites entirely through Sunday, adjust my noninterruption tactics for working around students and throwing myself into my work so that my time is better spent and I have less reason to feel stressed.

Now that I’m so busy all day and have lessons or writing almost every evening, Jon and I can only truly relax on a Sunday. Sitting around on time-wasting sites just because it’s my day off is not conductive to happiness. Neither is forcing him to join in on my #NNN challenges. Instead, spending more time paying attention to him, talking, working on projects and helping him get ready for work has left me feeling far more relaxed.

Likewise, I am now commanding more attention and respect from students without necessarily shouting them down or shutting them up. I am better able to enjoy my time with friends, but likewise to control my environment during lessons.

And finally I am currently sitting in a perfectly ordered house, with the laundry moving through apace, the cat well-fed, the rubbish and recycling sorted, the sinks clear and clean, everything in its place and a few bags of forage on the hearth, ready for making wreaths. I have been writing and proofreading all day, made a few phonecalls and am prepared for the next lesson in around thirty minutes. My income is now at a steady £350+/week bar the odd bad one and I feel far more confident in my ability to support the home for a few months starting January.

All in all, through restricting my ability to waste time, stopping myself from interrupting people in social situations and not getting myself wound up over every little detail, I have managed to get my house, work and life in general under control. Which is pretty impressive, from a one-month, cold-turkey, triple-challenge, isn’t it?

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#NoNothingNovember.

A project started by KidStrangelove last year that he has opened up to a larger community at /r/NoNothingNovember.

Also in it:

Magoosa.

Stingray.

MrsKTC.

The concept, rules and prize:

“It was time to challenge myself with No Nothing November once again, but this time I want to extend the challenge to you – my loyal readers.

I want you to join me in “No Nothing November” to get rid of your vices, better your life, and live one month with sheer discipline just to see if you can. And of course, no challenge is complete without a reward – and this is a good one.

I would like you to document your progress on your own blogs, and share them with the #NoNothingNovember hashtag in the title. Once November ends – I will pick one blog from the participants – the blog that impresses me most with it’s author’s No Nothing November participation – and feature it on my site.

Your blog will not only be permanently displayed in the featured blog section – but all of your blog posts for the month of December will be stickied on the first page of Manosphere.com – which will result in a guaranteed spike in readership.

This is a great opportunity for you up and coming bloggers to shine through, and I am looking forward to your submissions!

How To Enter:

  1. Email me at kidstrangelove@gmail.com before November 1 and let me know that you are participating
  2. In November – post on your blog with a title that starts with “#NoNothingNovember” detailing how your battle with your vices and your quest for self discipline is going.

[…]

After the end of November, We will post another thread with people’s final progress, and voting will begin.

If you need a place to track your progress, and you don’t have a blog, consider:

  • Twitter, use hashtag #nonothingnovember
  • Use this subreddit to post your progress: /r/nonothingnovember

[…]

The Rules (and examples): In the comments below – post and update a comment about your #NoNothingNovember progress – including a link to your blog updates (if you write a blog of course).”

 

So, naturally, I thought it was a brilliant opportunity to also work on giving up some vices for a month, even though I’m not entering the contest, so there’s no incentive other than my own motivation and improved focus.

I noted down the first three vices I could surrender. Turns out that after some introspection they are actually the three things I would most benefit from giving up. So here they are:

  1.  No more time-wasting websites. Need to focus on work (got tutoring, translation, essay writing and online tuition now), writing (blog, books) and the home (settling the garden for Winter, stocking up, cleaning down the house) a lot more now that I have more to do in all those areas.
  2.  No more interrupting and speaking over people. I’m a bright girl. I’m a reasonably well-read girl. As a consequence I’m also opinionated, loud and forget to shut up. I need to work on that.
  3.  No more letting myself get wound up about things. I need to be more decisive about everything and, where I can’t make a decision well or soon enough, to seek and follow advice. Procrastinating decisions only stresses me out and makes me doubt them right up until fruition.

Initial efforts towards each.

  1. I have installed LeechBlock 0.6.6 on Firefox. I have permanently blocked timewasting pages and put time limits on good or useful pages I spend too much time on. I don’t think I’ll dare use Internet Explorer, but if I get desperate I’ll just put the parental time lock on it.
  2. I will wait for others to finish before saying anything in debate or polite conversation. Even when I have a point I want to make or if I find their point or speech boring, I will listen carefully, cheer the Heroes and boo the Villains in my head and keep track. If by the time it’s my turn I’ve forgotten my point then it wasn’t that important. If by the time they’re done my point is no longer pertinent then so be it.
  3. I will set myself time limits for my troubles. If I haven’t found a solution by the limit, I will ask for advice. If advice is offered and it’s the best option and better than inactivity, even if it isn’t perfect, I will follow it. If no advice is found, then I will accept the problem, work my hardest to circumvent it and prevent it happening again and accept that it isn’t worth getting stressed over.

So those are the three things I will quit from Nov 1st to Dec 1st. I will post updates of my progress weekly and whenever there is any trouble or difficulty following through.

Let’s see how I do!