Being One Of The Others. Part IV. Risks and Rewards.

The concept of “otherness” is based on the idea of “us vs them”. In short, when we have established what we are, everything else is not us, and therefore must be “them”. The “other” is the individual who has not yet found a place where they belong, or who primarily deals in an environment where they do not belong.

In Part I: Stepping Out, I explored how Other Girls (OGs) are less often an absolute reject and more often the female equivalent to the male rogues: capable, gender-conforming individuals who feel at odds with the main group they live among. In Part II: Partnering, I explained what makes an OG tick and how an OG winds up choosing another Other as her partner, addressing all major variables from unattractiveness to countercultural preferences. In Part III, Beyond School I observed how everday social interactions change for OGs once they are in control of their lives. Now I’m moving onto the final part of the series so far: risk and reward. What does an OG chase, what does she avoid, what does she want and what variables affect these decisions?

RISKS.

Everyone has a risk reward ratio. It helps us to assess what is worth the effort we put into it and what is likely to backfire. Do we jump the fire as a part of a tribal ritual? Well, we probably should because the risk of getting burned is less dangerous to us than the risk of expulsion. Do we jump the fire for giggles? Well, we probably shouldn’t because the rewards of social approval are less beneficial than not burning our butts.

Naturally, a person who lives life on the outside of society will have much greater sensititivity to risks. This is because when there are fewer people to pick up the pieces, we are less wont to chase danger. And even when we are surrounded by police, health care and good samaritans, a feeling of otherness leaves an instinctive fear of danger. We keep an eye out for anything that might go wrong, sometimes to a point of paranoia, because we can afford it far less than anyone else.

However this sensitivity does not always make an OG act in a risk averse manner. Sometimes the risk is calculated, seen as high and taken. This is because being outside of society also means you need to chase your own rewards. Nobody will defend, clothe or feed you, so you need to take very calculated risks to minimize danger and maximize your rewards.

REWARDS.

OGs will work tirelessly for rewards. But what they perceive to be a reward may not be obvious to someone internal to the main society. An OG often needs something that is disproportionately rewarding to chase it, otherwise it is never enough.

An OG can share rewards valued by her original or main culture, but the nature of living outside it means that there must be things she values more or differently. If she valued the main culture most of all then she would be working harder to conform to it. As it stands, she must be operating differently to embrace nonconformity.

Some reward variables in OGs include:

  1. Placing greater value on loyalty. As someone who is rarely the recipient of loyalty, an OG treasures it greatly and offers it gingerly. When she has someone’s loyalty she will reciprocate thoroughly because to her, that loyalty is gold.
  2. Willingness to discard people. On the flip side, if you are not valuable and not loyal to an OG, she is ready to drop you. This is because an OG lacks the social infrastructures that allow most women to be deeply nurturing, and taking on burdens and risks for any degree of reward is too much effort.
  3. Self respect and internal motivation sits high. Again, if you are out on your own you need to be willing and able to sweat your own work. If she is socially isolated or disconnected you might find she places value on herself and her work, and on anyone and anything that contributes to it.
  4. Self loathing is a constant battle. On the flip side, many OGs blame themselves for their situation, be it true or not. They need to work hard to produce anything, and every failure rests on their own shoulders. Thus: failure is inadmissible.
  5. Being comfortable is a luxury and a trap. Like all humans, an OG wants deep down to sit back and never work again. Unlike many main society girls, an OG cannot sit back without increasing risks in her life exponentially. She may be constantly striving for the next good thing, never savouring the fruits of her labour.
  6. In isolation, primitivism can be engaged. On the flip side, an OG is also very happy to rest on her laurels whenever she can and will often reduce her life to bare essentials to make it easier. She will glaldy live only for food and idle pleasure and be oddly happy with this situation.

Not all OGs have all these points, and every additional variable mentioned until now still counts and can change the result. However those six should provide something to mull over when attempting to decipher what motivates an OG.

REALITY.

Many variables can change the way an OG perceives the world, most of which have been addressed in Part I. However it is important to consider both sides of the coin, the good and the bad. And not all variables to an OGs behaviour are pleasant.

Remember how I mentioned that an OG can be rejected even though she is pretty, feminine and extroverted, because she has behavioural or personality issues? Well there is a reason for this. OGs are vastly more likely to have mental or personality disorders than main group girls. In essence, however you rank each individual problem, there is something that separates her from the main group, whether it’s her choice or someone else’s. It’s less that an OG is more likely to have or develop a mental disorder and more that a girl with a mental disorder is more likely to be an OG. Having a handle on various common mental disorders and especially the minor, more manageable ones can shed light on the behaviour of OGs.

Being forced into a state of isolated independence has an odd effect on anyone. Even a mentally healthy OG may seem a lot colder on first impression, or whenever she is out of her comfort zone. An OG has either been rejected or disappointed by people many times in her life. Therefore she has learned to either shrink back from society, which is the introvert option, or to present a cold front, the extrovert option. Oftentimes the OG is nothing like that underneath the surface. Introverted OGs can be bold and tough and happy when they socialize in small doses. Extroverted OGs can be soft, sweet and friendly when they get to know someone. But the guard will be up for anyone new.

OGs are often fast to reject one sex or another. OGs are more likely to be introverted than extroverted and introverted OGs are more likely to have issues with one sex. The reason for this I don’t know, but I assume that between being an introvert and being an outcast it is easier to experience social life from the sidelines than it is to mingle thoroughly. However this can either take the form of discomfort… or bitterness. If an OG has excluded half the human population from her social boundaries, whatever the reason, it can be very hard to prove her prejudices wrong and gain her trust.

OGs can be incredibly tribal. Even introverted, unsubcultured OGs who socialize minimally and do not connect themselves with any distinct culture seek a tribal structure. At the end of the day, OGs are still humans and women: weak, hairless, armourless, slow, small animals that have long depended on numbers and big strong warriors for protection. That sort of ancestry doesn’t leave your genes any time soon. An OG will more likely warm up to someone who actively shares her interests and spends time in the places she frequents. This is a positive for many subcultured rogues (Other Men), who are often excited to meet girls who are genuinely interested in their hobbies. But it’s a nightmare as well, as any deviation from her passions can be taken as a personal threat and result in exclusion from “her tribe”.

These variables have great impact. A mentally ill OG, however minor her problem, may perceive risks and rewards very differently to a mentally stable OG. An OG will often perceive opening up socially to be a risk, and this risk may be enormously skewed against one sex. The reward sensation an OG experiences upon meeting someone who shares her interests is overblown, but deviation from that could easily reignite her risk alarms.

In short, getting close to an OG can take a very long time. It can be difficult. And sometimes it’s just not worth putting up with the wait and the standoffishness, because, let’s be honest, you don’t need everyone in your life. But when you meet an OG you just get along with, or when a girl who was quite cold slowly starts to grow friendly towards you, don’t necessarily be surprised. And if you’re absolutely desperate to get close to an OG on your own terms, then test the water, sit back a bit, see what happens and test again. Act as though you were on a friendly mission in enemy territory, and you need to get through a defensive battlefield to have an actual discussion with someone important. Because, let’s be honest, forcing yourself into an OG’s life is essentially breaking tribal barriers.

Got any more questions about OGs? Wondering about something I have already touched on? Got something to add? Ask away in the comments. 😀

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.

Being One Of The Others. Part III. Beyond School.

The concept of “otherness” is based on the idea of “us vs them”. In short, when we have established what we are, everything else is not us, and therefore must be “them”. The “other” is the individual who has not yet found a place where they belong, or who primarily deals in an environment where they do not belong.

In Part I: Stepping Out, I explored how Other Girls (OGs) are less often an absolute reject and more often the female equivalent to the male rogues: capable, gender-conforming individuals who feel at odds with the main group they live among. In Part II: Partnering, I explained what makes an OG tick and how an OG winds up choosing another Other as her partner, addressing all major variables from unattractiveness to countercultural preferences. And all this explains a bit about OGs on a basic, primitive level. But it all also takes place around high school age, which OGs obviously leave at some point. In Part III I will attempt to show how an OG may find a place for herself and seek friends, family and financial stability outside of normal pathways.

FRIENDS.

The OG was never exactly surrounded by friends in her key development years. And, whilst there are variants, two key reactions to this isolation become evident:

  1. Get as many friends as possible. Throw yourself out there. Embrace your weirdness. It’s not desperate to want to be noticed, liked and spoken to for once. The extrovert option.
  2. People are overrated. You just need one or two close friends. Preferably of the same sex, as men/women are unreliable. Enjoy yourself on your own. The introvert option.

Yes, there are variables. Some extroverts also fall down the path of eliminating one sex from their social life, some introverts are clingy and dependent, some nihilists have many friends and some popular OGs are still awkward about their Otherness. But generally an OG falls into one camp or another.

The issue for all OGs is that main group girls still hate them, or are just plain confused by them. The more status driven the culture, the less solidarity between OGs and MGGs. Which poses some trouble to introverts, as they need one or two close people to function normally, but even more for extroverts, as hostile rejection can eat away at any extrovert, however Other they are.

This means OGs will basically go “social hunting” in areas where other outsiders congregate. Biker bars and metal concerts? Sure, but also libraries, anime conventions, rock bars, tattoo parlours, religious buildings, charities, extreme political groups, squats, gyms, pretty much anywhere a MGG would turn her nose up at. This is for partnering purposes, of course, and an OG will generally gravitate towards the environment that hosts her type of man, be he Main Group or Mad Scientist. But often the partnering drive is subconscious and the girl is simply reaching out for any social contact.

Eventually OGs find each other, or a partner. At which point the introvert and extrovert distinction becomes even stronger. The introvert, having one or two close, reliable, trustworthy, likeable friends will retreat from social hunting. She is done, she has all she needs and she will make no further effort to connect to people. She drops off the face of the planet. The extrovert, however, never has enough. Even if she has a boyfriend or husband, four best friends and a few circles of acquaintances, she will still want to go to her usual haunts to reach out to more and more people and establish a sense of security.

FAMILY.

OGs tend not to like their families. I am unsure why, but my best guess is that the sort of environment that breeds an “abnormal” woman is probably not the sort of environment she wishes to stay in. At the very best she may place blame on her family regardless of evidence to the contrary. At the very worst she comes from a home that literally destroyed her. Whatever the reason, OGs do not like their families.

Confusingly, whereas girls who fall into mainstream cultural patterns who have bad family relations tend to be a bit dangerous to interact with and poor at forming their own families, OGs are hit and miss. Some OGs have a very hard time relating to people and keeping in touch with people. Some OGs are socially normal within their group. Some OGs repeat a bad parenting cycle. Some OGs rebel against it and raise healthy kids.

The only factors that seem to have any bearing on an OG’s future family leanings are surrogacy and replaceability.

  • SURROGACY: Did the OG replace her parents with something, preferably another person, even a role model? How about siblings? Are they present, or replaced? Did she fill in the gap of being a single child by developing close friendships?
  • REPLACEABILITY: Does the OG view people as irreplaceable? Does she hold fast onto her friends and remaining relatives and try and keep them on side? Or does she regularly replace role models and friends?

If she has surrogates for her absentee family and does not replace these surrogates like printer cartridges, then she is probably socially normal, even if she has turned her biological family down.

FINANCE.

OGs can and do find surrogate families, partners and friends later in life, despite school age restrictions. But it is worth noting that the same restrictions that plague an OG during her formative years will come back with a vengeance in the world of work. OGs will gravitate towards job positions that require little sustained interaction. This means any job where interaction with any one person lasts only a few minutes at a time. Introverts may pick jobs that are generally low on interaction, such as animation. Extroverts may pick jobs that are higher on general interaction, such as service sector. But both will try and work with people in the shortest bouts possible. Why? Because the less you talk to people, the less they know about you.

An OG, in work, is forced to deal with coworkers and clients who are almost certainly do not share her subcultural or countercultural leanings. Seeing as many MGGs react to OGs with hostility and many main group men have odd perceptions about them, an OG wants to make interactions short and sweet. The following are all jobs OGs may enjoy:

  • Teacher for older children or adults.
  • Typically male, solitary work, like mechanic or programmer.
  • Art work, such as painter or musician.
  • Accounting, behind the scenes secretarial work.
  • Basic customer service.
  • Warehouse work.
  • Sex work in all its forms.
  • House maintenance, basic housework.
  • Entrepreneurial ventures.
  • “Nerd” work, in areas that are very quiet and male dominated.

And even then, sometimes the pressures of putting on a social front, especially for OGs who have some level of mental disorder (more on that later, but, yes, it is a bigger issue for OGs than main group girls), can get too much. Many OGs aspire to work from home or be a housewife, or will sit back on welfare so as to avoid the daily interactions of work. Not necessarily a good or smart thing to do, but if the daily grind leaves her feeling genuinely unsafe, as though she were in hostile territory, it makes sense.

And that’s it for the basics of an OG’s social life beyond high school. The next section will be on attraction: hobbies, interests, men. Why might OGs be harder to connect with (as a friend or prospective partner) than MGGs, and what can be done to develop some understanding or foster affection if you are not also an OG?

[Author’s note: Before anyone mentions hypocrisy or absolutes, this whole thing is general guidelines, not set in stone. Yes, I disowned my family and keep very few friends. Yes, I view most people as functionarily replaceable. And no, I don’t think that is having an effect on the few relationships where I view the people as irreplaceable. They’re two classes of person to me. But the point is that there are exceptions, I know there are exceptions, and I have to admit that the vast majority of OGs who do not have family surrogates or who treat surrogates as tools will end up doing the same to partners, friends and even their own children. So whilst it bothers me a little that it could change a random stranger’s opinion of me at some point, I would rather have the more accurate information out there. It would be intellectually dishonest to do otherwise so as to make myself feel better.]

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

 

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.