How To… be alone together.

Many relationships seem to suffer from a close contact issue. And a lot of this is because women and men bond differently.

Men bond by sharing experiences, through active contact, whereas women largely bond through conversation and brain-picking.

Which makes sense when you consider that women benefit the most from exploring a man’s status, interests and behaviours before any children are brought into the picture, whereas men enjoy pair-bonding as a small part of a very active life.

The easiest way to bridge this gap in your everyday life is to spend some time, as some men put it, “being alone together”.

1: Find shared interests.

This is much easier when you find something you enjoy together. The idea is to pick something easy that you can sit back and enjoy together without there being any pressure on talking, interacting or generally socializing.

Please make sure you’re actually both interested in it. There’s nothing worse than putting a film on and trying to just relax in silence and having someone speak throughout the entire film.





2: Find relaxed solo interests.

If you can’t find a shared interest, find two interests that overlap. Ideally neither should require dead quiet and only one should hog a particular space or item of media.


-a film and a craft

-a game and some music

-some music and a book

-a game and a book

3: Find some time to yourselves.

Maybe the issue isn’t so much the activities as that you don’t get any peace and quiet. The second the children, work, pets and other duties are out of the way, you’re so short of time you just try and cram everything in.

Instead of using all your time together and every date night actively, try and have a few quiet ones. If you’re feeling stressed and tired, cancel dinner plans and sit in with a pizza. If you’re oversocialized don’t push yourself to talk. The company is golden, but sometimes the active, energetic aspects of time together can be draining.

4: Just relax.

Perhaps you don’t want to do anything particular. Perhaps everything feels like too much.

There’s nothing wrong with curling up together on the sofa or in bed and just relaxing. Appreciate the company, the silence, the touch. Doze off if you want to. A nap doesn’t hurt. Just try and be present, enjoy your partner’s presence and unwind.

And it really is that simple.

Make a little time, find something relaxing and enjoy some peace and quiet in each other’s company.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

How do you enjoy relaxing? Are there any overlaps between your “me time” and your shared interests as a couple? I love hearing how everyone makes these things work… it’s so different for everyone!