Being One Of The Others. Part IV. Risks and Rewards.

The concept of “otherness” is based on the idea of “us vs them”. In short, when we have established what we are, everything else is not us, and therefore must be “them”. The “other” is the individual who has not yet found a place where they belong, or who primarily deals in an environment where they do not belong.

In Part I: Stepping Out, I explored how Other Girls (OGs) are less often an absolute reject and more often the female equivalent to the male rogues: capable, gender-conforming individuals who feel at odds with the main group they live among. In Part II: Partnering, I explained what makes an OG tick and how an OG winds up choosing another Other as her partner, addressing all major variables from unattractiveness to countercultural preferences. In Part III, Beyond School I observed how everday social interactions change for OGs once they are in control of their lives. Now I’m moving onto the final part of the series so far: risk and reward. What does an OG chase, what does she avoid, what does she want and what variables affect these decisions?

RISKS.

Everyone has a risk reward ratio. It helps us to assess what is worth the effort we put into it and what is likely to backfire. Do we jump the fire as a part of a tribal ritual? Well, we probably should because the risk of getting burned is less dangerous to us than the risk of expulsion. Do we jump the fire for giggles? Well, we probably shouldn’t because the rewards of social approval are less beneficial than not burning our butts.

Naturally, a person who lives life on the outside of society will have much greater sensititivity to risks. This is because when there are fewer people to pick up the pieces, we are less wont to chase danger. And even when we are surrounded by police, health care and good samaritans, a feeling of otherness leaves an instinctive fear of danger. We keep an eye out for anything that might go wrong, sometimes to a point of paranoia, because we can afford it far less than anyone else.

However this sensitivity does not always make an OG act in a risk averse manner. Sometimes the risk is calculated, seen as high and taken. This is because being outside of society also means you need to chase your own rewards. Nobody will defend, clothe or feed you, so you need to take very calculated risks to minimize danger and maximize your rewards.

REWARDS.

OGs will work tirelessly for rewards. But what they perceive to be a reward may not be obvious to someone internal to the main society. An OG often needs something that is disproportionately rewarding to chase it, otherwise it is never enough.

An OG can share rewards valued by her original or main culture, but the nature of living outside it means that there must be things she values more or differently. If she valued the main culture most of all then she would be working harder to conform to it. As it stands, she must be operating differently to embrace nonconformity.

Some reward variables in OGs include:

  1. Placing greater value on loyalty. As someone who is rarely the recipient of loyalty, an OG treasures it greatly and offers it gingerly. When she has someone’s loyalty she will reciprocate thoroughly because to her, that loyalty is gold.
  2. Willingness to discard people. On the flip side, if you are not valuable and not loyal to an OG, she is ready to drop you. This is because an OG lacks the social infrastructures that allow most women to be deeply nurturing, and taking on burdens and risks for any degree of reward is too much effort.
  3. Self respect and internal motivation sits high. Again, if you are out on your own you need to be willing and able to sweat your own work. If she is socially isolated or disconnected you might find she places value on herself and her work, and on anyone and anything that contributes to it.
  4. Self loathing is a constant battle. On the flip side, many OGs blame themselves for their situation, be it true or not. They need to work hard to produce anything, and every failure rests on their own shoulders. Thus: failure is inadmissible.
  5. Being comfortable is a luxury and a trap. Like all humans, an OG wants deep down to sit back and never work again. Unlike many main society girls, an OG cannot sit back without increasing risks in her life exponentially. She may be constantly striving for the next good thing, never savouring the fruits of her labour.
  6. In isolation, primitivism can be engaged. On the flip side, an OG is also very happy to rest on her laurels whenever she can and will often reduce her life to bare essentials to make it easier. She will glaldy live only for food and idle pleasure and be oddly happy with this situation.

Not all OGs have all these points, and every additional variable mentioned until now still counts and can change the result. However those six should provide something to mull over when attempting to decipher what motivates an OG.

REALITY.

Many variables can change the way an OG perceives the world, most of which have been addressed in Part I. However it is important to consider both sides of the coin, the good and the bad. And not all variables to an OGs behaviour are pleasant.

Remember how I mentioned that an OG can be rejected even though she is pretty, feminine and extroverted, because she has behavioural or personality issues? Well there is a reason for this. OGs are vastly more likely to have mental or personality disorders than main group girls. In essence, however you rank each individual problem, there is something that separates her from the main group, whether it’s her choice or someone else’s. It’s less that an OG is more likely to have or develop a mental disorder and more that a girl with a mental disorder is more likely to be an OG. Having a handle on various common mental disorders and especially the minor, more manageable ones can shed light on the behaviour of OGs.

Being forced into a state of isolated independence has an odd effect on anyone. Even a mentally healthy OG may seem a lot colder on first impression, or whenever she is out of her comfort zone. An OG has either been rejected or disappointed by people many times in her life. Therefore she has learned to either shrink back from society, which is the introvert option, or to present a cold front, the extrovert option. Oftentimes the OG is nothing like that underneath the surface. Introverted OGs can be bold and tough and happy when they socialize in small doses. Extroverted OGs can be soft, sweet and friendly when they get to know someone. But the guard will be up for anyone new.

OGs are often fast to reject one sex or another. OGs are more likely to be introverted than extroverted and introverted OGs are more likely to have issues with one sex. The reason for this I don’t know, but I assume that between being an introvert and being an outcast it is easier to experience social life from the sidelines than it is to mingle thoroughly. However this can either take the form of discomfort… or bitterness. If an OG has excluded half the human population from her social boundaries, whatever the reason, it can be very hard to prove her prejudices wrong and gain her trust.

OGs can be incredibly tribal. Even introverted, unsubcultured OGs who socialize minimally and do not connect themselves with any distinct culture seek a tribal structure. At the end of the day, OGs are still humans and women: weak, hairless, armourless, slow, small animals that have long depended on numbers and big strong warriors for protection. That sort of ancestry doesn’t leave your genes any time soon. An OG will more likely warm up to someone who actively shares her interests and spends time in the places she frequents. This is a positive for many subcultured rogues (Other Men), who are often excited to meet girls who are genuinely interested in their hobbies. But it’s a nightmare as well, as any deviation from her passions can be taken as a personal threat and result in exclusion from “her tribe”.

These variables have great impact. A mentally ill OG, however minor her problem, may perceive risks and rewards very differently to a mentally stable OG. An OG will often perceive opening up socially to be a risk, and this risk may be enormously skewed against one sex. The reward sensation an OG experiences upon meeting someone who shares her interests is overblown, but deviation from that could easily reignite her risk alarms.

In short, getting close to an OG can take a very long time. It can be difficult. And sometimes it’s just not worth putting up with the wait and the standoffishness, because, let’s be honest, you don’t need everyone in your life. But when you meet an OG you just get along with, or when a girl who was quite cold slowly starts to grow friendly towards you, don’t necessarily be surprised. And if you’re absolutely desperate to get close to an OG on your own terms, then test the water, sit back a bit, see what happens and test again. Act as though you were on a friendly mission in enemy territory, and you need to get through a defensive battlefield to have an actual discussion with someone important. Because, let’s be honest, forcing yourself into an OG’s life is essentially breaking tribal barriers.

Got any more questions about OGs? Wondering about something I have already touched on? Got something to add? Ask away in the comments. 😀

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.

Being One Of The Others. Part I. Stepping Out.

The concept of “otherness” is based on the idea of “us vs them”. In short, when we have established what we are, everything else is not us, and therefore must be “them”. The “other” is the individual who has not yet found a place where they belong, or who primarily deals in an environment where they do not belong.

Rollo Tomassi has recently offered a post on “Gamer Girls”, in an attempt to explain how girls who are “other” to society still fit into the general rules of human nature, in their own ways. And it is a difficult one. In principle, women are more socially malleable than men. We adjust and adapt to environment as women who adapted to sudden cultural shifts had greater survival and reproduction prospects. And yet some women stubbornly refuse to “adapt” to popular culture, even in the face of ostracization. Therefore, whilst the basic urges regarding friends, family and partnering may still apply to them, due to a radically different, self-imposed environment, “other” girls may display these traits differently.

GENERAL SOCIETY.

One of the core principles of female survival is that women adapt and follow. We follow the herd, or the leader, or whoever seems to know what they’re doing. By acting cautiously en-masse, the overall result is greater survivability. We adapt to our nearest surroundings so as to adjust whenever there was a cultural or physical takeover. The women who adapted after an invasion survived and bred, those who did not died with their geneline.

It makes sense therefore that women will easily adapt to any culture, be it popular culture, gamer culture or a cult. However where do Other Girs (OGs) fit in? After all, they are rarely both adapting and following. Some OGs adapt to a new subculture, but do not follow instruction within it. Some OGs follow a new leader, but do not adapt to any culture. Most OGs neither fully adapt nor fully follow, wandering between popular society and other societies, sitting outside of social structure.

Rollo suggests that “most fall into the demographic of ostracized weird girl or semi-goth, fuscia-haired outcast who never clicked with the in-group girls in high school.” However this otherness is not always derived from rejection on behalf of the culture, and successful integration is no guarantee that an OG will continue to be integrated, enjoy it or seek it out. This is especially noticeable when it surrounds traits you can alter (goth, fuscia-hair, talks about anime, bad makeup, piercings, no knowledge of soap operas). After all, if a “normal” girl is rejected for fuscia hair, the first thing she does is excuse it, joke about it, rush home and dye it back to her original colour. The OG, on the other hand, continues to wear it, almost on principle, failing to adapt to social pressures and to follow the herd. Even in the absence of support, the OG will keep her pink hair. This stubbornness, confused for strength, may draw some weaker girls to follow her, yet the OG may or may not welcome a tribe of supporters of her own. There seems no purpose to it at all.

I propose that OGs are actually a class of our own, akin to the rogue males who never establish a place in a hierarchy. The concept of tribal rogues is observed and documented, if only a little. The principle is that sometimes a man will detach himself from his tribe, like a young lion leaving the pride, but will not then find a new tribe to become a part of. These men range from low Beta to Alpha and generally lean to Sigma. They have some ability to lead, but not much desire to do so at all. They do not tolerate difference, cultural norms or social hierarchies. They live on their own, as best they can, exploit the lands, seduce and rape, borrow, barter and pillage, do odd jobs and vanish into the night. They are Other Men. They do not belong and they do not want to.

The OG is the female equivalent to the rogue. OGs have many variables which will affect how and why and when they will isolate themselves from general society, but, in principle, it is all self-driven.

Variable 1: Social energy.

Introverted OGs may always be one of the others due to their lack of energy for other people.

Extroverted OGs may have appeared to be one of the main group due to their exuberance and love for people.

Variable 2: Social desires.

Independent OGs are eager to split from the group regardless of the presence of external support.

Dependent OGs are wary of leaving the group and preapred to be a near-outcast as long as they are safe.

Variable 3: Precedent.

Long term OGs are more likely to stay that way. They have probably attempted to integrate and failed before.

Recent OGs will repeatedly attempt to integrate, sometimes for years at a time before they get tired.

Variable 4: Subcultures.

OGs who fit into a subculture are happier to leave the main group, as the subculture provides the home they want.

OGs who do not fit into a subculture are less willing to leavethe main group due to a lack of support.

Variable 5: Desirability.

Sexually appealing OGs are more likely to leave the group, as they have guaranteed access to certain males regardless of female support.

Sexually unappealing OGs will be wary to leave the group, as the group is their primary supply of males. They may be forcibly excluded, however.

Variable 6: Femininity.

Feminine OGs are likely to leave the main group to follow a single male and avoid general modern competition, which they deem excessive.

Masculine OGs are just as likely to leave the group, but because they crave stronger, more male competition.

Variable 7: Partnering.

Single OGs will be hesitant to leave the main group until they feel sure they can find a partner to support them.

Attached OGs will either leave the goup with support from their partner or rejoin the group accompanied by their partner, as their social dynamic is different from when they were single.

All seven variables play a heavy role in whether a female who does not idnetify with the main group will leave it or attempt to integrate. Thus, Tomassi’s design is of an Introverted, Dependent, Long Term, Subcultured, Undesirable, Feminine, Single OG. Which is a real phenomenon. However there are also Introverted, Independent, Long Term, Unsubcultured, Desirable, Masculine, Attached OGs like myself. And there are also Extroverted, Dependent, Recent, Unsubcultured, Desirable, Feminine, Single OGs who may not appear to be an OG at all until the opportunity to break free from general society arises, at which point they cast off the mask of “us” and reveal themselves to be “other”.

Next week I will explore and explain some of the relationship dynamics of OGs and how isolation from primary culture can affect a girl’s attitudes towards partnering.

TTFN and Happy Hunting!

 

For help starting out homemaking, check out The ESSENTIAL Beginner Homemaker’s Guide. For help budgeting all your everday and not-so-everyday essentials, from food to transport to clothes, check out On A Budget: The good homemaker’s guide to economizing.

How To… make any ice cream.

Everybody loves ice cream. Or should. It’s a delicious frozen treat. It can taste of whatever you want it to. The only pity is that the best ice creams are sort of expensive.

Well, here I am to remedy that! I love making ice cream at home and it’s so simple and easy that you’ll wonder why you didn’t make it before.

1: The cream.

For your ice cream you need a creamy base. This doesn’t actually have to be cream, believe it or not. Just something that’s thick and smooth at room temperature.

Some ideas:

  • double cream
  • hand-whipped cream
  • evaporated milk
  • coconut cream
  • nut butter
  • mashed bananas
  • mashed avocado
  • frosting
  • blended persimmons

Again, anything that’s thick and creamy at room temperature.

2: The jam.

The second stage is the sweet or flavoured element. It doesn’t have to be a literal jam, but it needs to have a runny consistency and a strong and pleasant taste. This could be anything. You can even make a savoury ice cream if you want.

Some ideas:

  • jam
  • honey
  • smoothie
  • ganache
  • chocolate spread
  • nut butter
  • sauce

Anything that is runny but not liquid and adds taste.

3: The extras.

A teeny, tiny bit of something for taste. Can be anything as long as it doesn’t ruin the consistency of the ice cream.

Some ideas:

  • herbs and spices
  • essential oils
  • alcohol
  • nuts and seeds
  • fruit juice
  • honey and other sweeteners
  • salt

4: Blend.

Take a blender and mix the three elements together. Pour into a freezer-safe tupper.

5: The toppings.

A bit of colour, texture and flavour to sprinkle on top. Something light and contrasting.

Some ideas:

  • nuts and seeds
  • fruit pieces
  • berries
  • melted chocolate
  • melted toffee
  • candy bars
  • leaves
  • salt
  • pieces of ginger or cinnamon

6: Freeze.

Once you’re happy with how it looks and tastes, put it in the freezer for at least 24h.

7: Lightly defrost.

Some cream bases freeze very hard. Others freeze very softly. Make sure that it is perfectly scoopable before you try and serve.

8: Serve.

Dish it up, maybe with extra toppings.

Consume within four months for best taste.